Would you be upset with DS?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My 15 year old son is going to NYC for a week with my 79 year old father. My dad invited me to come as well, since I am going through a hard personal time, and also because he is concerned he cannot keep up with DS. When I told DS, he said, "I don't want to go any more if you are going, this was supposed to be a trip for me and grandpa." I could see blurting that out for a younger kid, but he seems too old to do that and my feelings are really hurt. |
Anonymous
| Why can’t he go alone? |
Anonymous
| And then you say: "Grandpa invited me because you're so strong and fit these days he's afraid he won't be able to keep up with you." In a final-word sort of tone. He'll accept it. |
Anonymous
| I would appreciate his honesty, even if my feelings were hurt. Let him have his trip with gpa and explain to him gpas concerns. He may surprise you and your dad. |
Anonymous
| My feeling might be a little hurt, but I wouldn't be mad; wanting to spend time with you grandfather alone is commendable. If it's genuinely going to be a problem for your dad to go it alone you need to explain that, but not get mad at him for wanting the trip without you. |
Anonymous
I don't think it will be a problem if they stick to plays or museums. I think it will not work out well for some of the things my son is hoping to do (biking in Brooklyn bridge park - my dad can ride a bike but not keep up with a 15 year old -, walking across the Brooklyn bridge, Governor's island). That's part of why my dad invited me. I can see both sides but it just feels bad to me that my son does not want me there. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Sure it doesn't feel good, but it's normal. He's becoming an adult and building relationships with family and having experiences that aren't mediated through his mom is part of that. That means you can be sad, but not mad. He's doing what he's supposed to do. |
Anonymous
| Why not say something along the lines understanding. Yeah i know you were looking forward to it and I’m just there as backup to grandpa in case he gets tired. He’s worried you will be bored if he needs to go back to the hotel for the day…. |
Anonymous
| I would be thrilled that my son wanted an outing with just him and his grandfather. |
Anonymous
You need to get over it and talk to your son about what he can and can’t do with his granddad. It’s totally ok for him to look forward to uninterrupted attention And time with his grandfather. It’s not about you. |
Anonymous
|
OP what an amazing son you raised.
He told you his feelings they are valid. Listen to him. Give your son the grace to go with his grandfather alone and have a fabulous memory for a lifetime. You are a grown up act like one. |
Anonymous
|
You’re being too sensitive. It’s not about you at all. I’m sure you son likes to spend time with you sometimes, and time with you and Grandpa together, but this was his special one-on-one time with his grandfather and having you along completely changes the dynamic.
Were you close to your grandparents? If you and your grandmother had planned a special girls weekend and your dad decided to come along, or even your mom (who would have been there as your mom and Grandma’s daughter), it just wouldn’t have been the same. Your son surely recognizes that his time with Grandpa may be limited and to have this special opportunity for just the two of them turned into family time is reason for disappointment. If Grandpa NEEDS you there, DS may just have to adjust. However, it sounds like your son would rather slow down if Grandpa can’t keep up, as long as they can have this time for bonding. I get the impression that the invitation may have been made for your benefit, in which case the best thing to do would be to thank your dad for the invitation, send them off on the original trip with a smile, and make plans for later, to have special time with them individually and together. It’s a wonderful thing that the people you love, love each other and are happy. Their love for each other in no way diminishes their love for you. You don’t have to be included to be happy for them. Go and do something special for yourself while they’re on their trip and be happy that they’re happy. |
Anonymous
Tell him that calmly, make sure he understands he has to do those things alone or not at all, and then let him decide. It may help your personal issues to get a break as well. |
Anonymous
| He wants to have a special trip with his grandfather. The dynamic will be different if you’re there. |