Would you be upset with DS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants to have a special trip with his grandfather. The dynamic will be different if you’re there.

This. It’s nice, OP. Don’t take it so personally.

Sit down with your son and talk with him about what grandpa can and cannot do. Explain that grandpa might say he’s up for doing something that’s actually too strenuous, because he doesn’t want to disappoint his grandson. Explain to your DS that the younger generations have a responsibility to look out for the older family members, and he’s now old enough to carry out that responsibility. In other words, get his buy-in to not overdo it. And make sure your dad is comfortable drawing the line. Ex. DS can bike across and back while your dad sits at a cafe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants to have a special trip with his grandfather. The dynamic will be different if you’re there.

Why? Because OP is a woman??

Misogynist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be thrilled that my son wanted an outing with just him and his grandfather.

Same here. I wish my kids had that kind of relationship with my parents.
But id make sure DS knew to be considerate of Granddad’s age and physical limitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Also, your dad is not a child. He can tell your son that he is tired. Gosh, it must be hard mothering both of them, huh?

I get what you are saying. My mom was very assertive and they worked well as a couple, but now that she has passed and he is on his own, it's sort of a struggle for him.

You need to let these men - one that is up and coming and the other that is finding his way after the lose of his life partner- have their time together without you butting in. The remark that you need to mother your father (wtf) solidified it for me.

Repeat to yourself "this isn't about me" because it is not. As another pp said, you are a grown up and need to act like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He wants to have a special trip with his grandfather. The dynamic will be different if you’re there.

Why? Because OP is a woman??

Misogynist.

Because she is third wheel. SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If it's genuinely going to be a problem for your dad to go it alone you need to explain that,

I don't think it will be a problem if they stick to plays or museums. I think it will not work out well for some of the things my son is hoping to do (biking in Brooklyn bridge park - my dad can ride a bike but not keep up with a 15 year old -, walking across the Brooklyn bridge, Governor's island). That's part of why my dad invited me.
I can see both sides but it just feels bad to me that my son does not want me there.

I would try to think of this as a good thing. Your son wants to spend time with his grandfather. I am sure it changes the dynamic a lot if you are there. It is not about you, it’s about his relationship with his grandfather. Just tell him that his grandfather invited you along so they could plan some more physical activities and make it clear what he will not be doing if you do not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get why the kids wants a trip with just grandpa, I think you should respect that.

What I would say:

“Ok but you won’t be able to do the 3 activities that are so rigorous that gpa won’t be able to keep up. If I come along I can accompany you on them and do my own thing sometimes so you and gpa have alone time. What do you think?”

And then he knows gpa can’t do all the things he wants to and to stick to museums and such. Or he has you come along and you do your own thing sometimes (this is something I would love! A few days in nyc to browse bookshops and stroll in Central Park, etc).

Terrible advice. No need to threaten your son and insult your dad. Personally, I would have immediately told my dad thanks, no thanks to my dad and assure him he’d be fine with DS. I wouldn’t have mentioned to DS at all.

It probably has nothing to do with you. One of my boys would hang with me at that age, one wouldn’t. My BFFs son didn’t talk to her from 15-18 and now they’re taking two mini solo vacations together now that he’s late 20s.

Use the week to treat yourself! It will all work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He wants to have a special trip with his grandfather. The dynamic will be different if you’re there.

Why? Because OP is a woman??

Misogynist.

Np. Not because she is a woman. It would be the same if her son was going with his grandmother!

Three is a crowd

[Anonymous]

OP- something else must be bothering you to have this reaction. Your son does not sound impolite at all, and you want him to dance around to protect your feelings. This isn’t healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Where is his dad in this? Maybe he’s really craving a male bonding moment?

They have some relationship, but not super close. They see each other every other weekend or so. It's not a hostile relationship, they get food and game a bit. I don't get the sense that DS wants to see him more often. My ex doesn't live in our school district, and DS doesn't have friends near where my ex lives. I don't think my ex is a terrible guy or a deadbeat, but also not necessarily someone who is really into being a dad.

I think it sounds really sweet that he wants this special time with your dad. Especially if he isn't as close with his dad as some boys, it may just be that he's craving a different (/better?) male role model, and just wants to spend some time with him.

You say your ex isn't a bad guy, but he may not be a very engaged father or parental figure. Your dad could be providing this for him and he's unconsciously associating the two of them. Not a bad thing if your dad is a good guy!

[Anonymous]

I would not be mad. I’d explain why. I’d let him know he needs to help grandpa and maybe the weekend be exactly what he was thinking, (but still very nice).

Would not be mad or have hurt feelings. I get it.