Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?

[Anonymous]

I’m listening to the Happiest Girls podcast by Cate Kulcsar who is a TikToker. She had her husband on the podcast who is a young man. 30 years old or so and who proposed to her when he was 27? He said that his dream is that his wife didn’t need to work but could if she wanted to and to make herself happy. He would like her to have the space and ability to take care of their kids and herself when she’s pregnant.

…like what??? How are there such masculine and generous men out there??? Obviously in this case, he was snatched up so quickly!

How can I find a man like that?

[Anonymous]

It’s probably easier to find a high paying job.

[Anonymous]

Are there women out there that have the same dream for their men? Because I don’t love going to the office every day, and would happily have the choice not to.

I am amazed at how old-fashioned Americans sense of gender roles are compared with my home country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there women out there that have the same dream for their men? Because I don’t love going to the office every day, and would happily have the choice not to.

I am amazed at how old-fashioned Americans sense of gender roles are compared with my home country.

Agree this OP is so regressive. In other countries women are grateful to have opportunities that prior generations didn't.

[Anonymous]

They are talking about having enough money so that working for oneself or someone else becomes optional. Who doesn't want that? Freedom from work is one of the best things money can buy. I did it for myself as a woman. It wasn't that I didn't like to work, but small business owners worked me to death in my 20s. I made two of them rich. Then I made me rich after practicing it on them.
You do it for you while looking for that man.

[Anonymous]

Please make sure you have your own retirement savings. So many women I know were SAHMs until divorce happened.

[Anonymous]

My exH really got off on being “a provider” and it was a status thing for him to have a SAH wife. It made sense for me at the time, but I was foolishly lulled into a false sense of complacency and when he divorced me, I was effffffffed. Some of these guys really like that power and control – even if it doesn’t manifest that way early on.

I was a fool.

[Anonymous]

My son and soon to be daughter in law are set on her stopping work once they have their kids - she had a single mom that worked two jobs to support her and her sister and really wants a different life for her kids - she hated the babysitters and rat race. My son has a high paying job so this is possible, but I still can't help but wonder why she would not want to keep her foot in the door in her profession. I'm sure they will figure it out in time.

[Anonymous]

^ my husband was poor with a single mom working two jobs.

He wouldn’t even dare a woman without a career. He is very attractive, fit and highly intelligent.

For us, intelligence and wit is a turn on as is pulling your weight in an egalitarian household.

His mom was a feminist. All women in my UMC family always had a career age the men were very involved in family life. My dad was a fabulous cook and coached all of our teams.

[Anonymous]

I'd never do it even if my husband had a lucrative job. Because my mom was a SAHM, then my Dad out of nowhere got diagnosed with brain cancer at 35 and couldn't work. Temporary disability covered for a little while but then in addition to all the stress my mom had to go back to work because my Dad couldn't work and the medical bills added up. And we had good health insurance. I was a kid and I'll never forget it.

Dad did recover but mom stayed working herself.

So your husband can be a great guy who takes care of himself and then out of nowhere you need brain surgery.

[Anonymous]

Of course there are men like that, just like there are women who want to be SAHMs; to some people, doing your assigned gender role really well is appealing whatever that role might be.

It's not my bag, but whatever. As a dad, I'd much rather be the one not to work; I find parenting much more fulfilling than my wife. We don't make nearly enough money to make it happen so it doesn't matter anyway.

[Anonymous]

I know a guy who is about to propose and who says he will never "let" his future wife work. I would describe him as controlling and disrespectful to women -- not generous. He has said he looks down on the women he works with as well as their husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there women out there that have the same dream for their men? Because I don’t love going to the office every day, and would happily have the choice not to.

I am amazed at how old-fashioned Americans sense of gender roles are compared with my home country.

This. Why isn't it his dream for him to take care of his kids?

TBC, I think it's great if you can afford to SAH and that makes you happy. I can imagine a lot of great family structures that are built around having someone home with the kids and/or everybody having the time and space to keep themselves healthy and fit and happy. But the framing in the OP makes it about the guy and what he wants to provide, not about what is happening in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m listening to the Happiest Girls podcast by Cate Kulcsar who is a TikToker. She had her husband on the podcast who is a young man. 30 years old or so and who proposed to her when he was 27? He said that his dream is that his wife didn’t need to work but could if she wanted to and to make herself happy. He would like her to have the space and ability to take care of their kids and herself when she’s pregnant.

…like what??? How are there such masculine and generous men out there??? Obviously in this case, he was snatched up so quickly!

How can I find a man like that?

How old are you? You have to get in on the ground floor with these guys. Once they're older and more established and already making their money, they're either long since off the market, or they are players who have their pick of women and often choose to date younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ my husband was poor with a single mom working two jobs.

He wouldn’t even dare a woman without a career. He is very attractive, fit and highly intelligent.

For us, intelligence and wit is a turn on as is pulling your weight in an egalitarian household.

His mom was a feminist. All women in my UMC family always had a career age the men were very involved in family life. My dad was a fabulous cook and coached all of our teams.

+1

I married a man who was happy if I stayed home after we were married BEFORE we even had kids. We are both from UMC families and this just wasn’t my family’s modus operandi. He wanted kids right away after we got married and I told him he was crazy and that I didn’t get a Ph.D. to be a baby breeder. He knew who he married and fully understood this. I first wanted to be settled in a career, live in a nice well put together home, and have travelled the world. Six years later after we did all those things we had our first. We got a full time nanny and had a housekeeper. Three more kids and 22 years later we are still very happily married. And I contribute about half of our 800k income each year.

OP - these guys exist. I know several of them. You meet them when YOU are in graduate, medical, or law school. The catch is - they RARELY marry women who just want the lifestyle - actually I don’t know any who married such a woman, although some of the women ended up as SAHMs, it wasn’t the initial plan they had.