Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dream is not to have a stay at home wife. It is just a preference.

I’m a SAHM. DH definitely likes having a well educated pretty SAHM wife to raise his children.

SAHM here and 100% agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't most men want their wives to have options?

My wife has plenty of options.

She can go work whenever she wants. She can leave the marriage whenever she wants. She can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. She isn’t a prisoner.

What makes you think that woman who choose to stay at home don’t have options?

+1. It is my husbands goal to give me more options, not fewer, in providing me with the ability to decide when and if I want to work. He was supportive of me staying home when I was doing that and is supportive of me working now. If I decided I wanted to quit my job tomorrow to focus on the home and kids, he’d support that.

There is a big difference between men who pressure their wives to stay home so they can control them and men who have the goal of providing enough that their wives can decide for themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think this type of man will die off in the next few generations.

Nope, will increase. Wealth gap and number of wealthy people on the top side of the gap will make this a viable option for more couples.

[Anonymous]

The wife not working confirms the husband’s status as the head of the household. He is the earner and she is support staff. It can work as long as both parties are comfortable in those roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wife not working confirms the husband’s status as the head of the household. He is the earner and she is support staff. It can work as long as both parties are comfortable in those roles.

Myopic view.

DH here with a SAH wife. She isn’t staff in anyway shape or form. That is a pretty twisted assumption.

[Anonymous]

While there may be men like that - I hope there aren't women who want that. The idea that women aren't independent and should be dependent on their husbands like a child isn't anything to aspire to. Women are capable, competent adults and should be contributing. Life as an adult and with a family costs money. No one should have kids thinking they have no financial responsibility to their children or for themselves.

Just like no one should have kids thinking they have no hands on responsibility to their children.

The days should be long gone where dad has 100% financial responsibility and mom has 100% hands on responsibility.

Families take money and time and both parents should be contributing in both ways.

I don't really have much respect for any adult who thinks that living off other people is something to aspire too. Being a barnacle isn't really a great quality to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It won't be my sons' dream. Lol They see the role model of two parents doing it on the home front and the work front and they are proud of their mom's career too.

They always had a parent pick them up after school and one coaching their teams and on the sidelines. They saw a man do 'women' chores and a woman do 'man' chores (I say that facetiously)--but my husband taught them how to do their own laundry, etc.

I was raised the same way. My husband had a single mom working two jobs. We both feel strongly about breadwinning not being all on one partner's back...and the same with child care/house stuff.

But, the bonus is with increased $$ you can have a weekly housekeeper and do a lot of things so you have even more time to spend with your kids and get your workout in, etc.

It’s cute that you think 1) kids give AF about their parents’ careers and 2) that more than a select few people in the world can work full time while also always picking their kids up from school and coaching them as you say.

What ? Kids certainly give a ton of fcks about their parents careers when it’s time to get internships or build their network.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While there may be men like that - I hope there aren't women who want that. The idea that women aren't independent and should be dependent on their husbands like a child isn't anything to aspire to. Women are capable, competent adults and should be contributing. Life as an adult and with a family costs money. No one should have kids thinking they have no financial responsibility to their children or for themselves.

Just like no one should have kids thinking they have no hands on responsibility to their children.

The days should be long gone where dad has 100% financial responsibility and mom has 100% hands on responsibility.

Families take money and time and both parents should be contributing in both ways.

I don't really have much respect for any adult who thinks that living off other people is something to aspire too. Being a barnacle isn't really a great quality to have.

What you are describing is not what OP was describing. A spouse who wants to support you in making your own choices to stay at home, work, make a career change etc etc is different from a spouse pressuring you to stay home.

Also calling sahms “barnacles” is so disrespectful. Why the hate for women making a choice that works for their family? Focus on your own grass

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While there may be men like that - I hope there aren't women who want that. The idea that women aren't independent and should be dependent on their husbands like a child isn't anything to aspire to. Women are capable, competent adults and should be contributing. Life as an adult and with a family costs money. No one should have kids thinking they have no financial responsibility to their children or for themselves.

Just like no one should have kids thinking they have no hands on responsibility to their children.

The days should be long gone where dad has 100% financial responsibility and mom has 100% hands on responsibility.

Families take money and time and both parents should be contributing in both ways.

I don't really have much respect for any adult who thinks that living off other people is something to aspire too. Being a barnacle isn't really a great quality to have.

What you are describing is not what OP was describing. A spouse who wants to support you in making your own choices to stay at home, work, make a career change etc etc is different from a spouse pressuring you to stay home.

Also calling sahms “barnacles” is so disrespectful. Why the hate for women making a choice that works for their family? Focus on your own grass

I am not saying sahp are barnacles. I am speaking to the attitude that a woman being a dependent and being looked after by a man is something g to aspire to. A dream man being someone who pays for everything is no different to me from a dream woman being one who does all child and domestic care. The attitude of one person doing it all to absolve the other of parental and adult responsibilities is not something I want any of my kids to aspire to. I would feel very disappointed in my young adult children if they saw a dream partner as one who either took on full care of them financially or took on full care of them domestically so that they had 0% of the responsibility in that area. I would also be disappointed if they offered that to a partner and weren’t looking for equality in a marriage.

If two equal partners decide post marriage that one person staying at home for a few years until the kids are in school is what makes the most sense for their family…fine. That is completely different from the attitude in the OP and subsequent responses of what makes one a good spouse or dream partner is taking on 100% of an entire area of adult and financial responsibility.

One spouse who doesn’t feel or take on any financial responsibility to me is the exact same as one spouse whose doesn’t feel or take any childcare or household responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While there may be men like that - I hope there aren't women who want that. The idea that women aren't independent and should be dependent on their husbands like a child isn't anything to aspire to. Women are capable, competent adults and should be contributing. Life as an adult and with a family costs money. No one should have kids thinking they have no financial responsibility to their children or for themselves.

Just like no one should have kids thinking they have no hands on responsibility to their children.

The days should be long gone where dad has 100% financial responsibility and mom has 100% hands on responsibility.

Families take money and time and both parents should be contributing in both ways.

I don't really have much respect for any adult who thinks that living off other people is something to aspire too. Being a barnacle isn't really a great quality to have.

What you are describing is not what OP was describing. A spouse who wants to support you in making your own choices to stay at home, work, make a career change etc etc is different from a spouse pressuring you to stay home.

Also calling sahms “barnacles” is so disrespectful. Why the hate for women making a choice that works for their family? Focus on your own grass

I am not saying sahp are barnacles. I am speaking to the attitude that a woman being a dependent and being looked after by a man is something g to aspire to. A dream man being someone who pays for everything is no different to me from a dream woman being one who does all child and domestic care. The attitude of one person doing it all to absolve the other of parental and adult responsibilities is not something I want any of my kids to aspire to. I would feel very disappointed in my young adult children if they saw a dream partner as one who either took on full care of them financially or took on full care of them domestically so that they had 0% of the responsibility in that area. I would also be disappointed if they offered that to a partner and weren’t looking for equality in a marriage.

If two equal partners decide post marriage that one person staying at home for a few years until the kids are in school is what makes the most sense for their family…fine. That is completely different from the attitude in the OP and subsequent responses of what makes one a good spouse or dream partner is taking on 100% of an entire area of adult and financial responsibility.

One spouse who doesn’t feel or take on any financial responsibility to me is the exact same as one spouse whose doesn’t feel or take any childcare or household responsibilities.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While there may be men like that - I hope there aren't women who want that. The idea that women aren't independent and should be dependent on their husbands like a child isn't anything to aspire to. Women are capable, competent adults and should be contributing. Life as an adult and with a family costs money. No one should have kids thinking they have no financial responsibility to their children or for themselves.

Just like no one should have kids thinking they have no hands on responsibility to their children.

The days should be long gone where dad has 100% financial responsibility and mom has 100% hands on responsibility.

Families take money and time and both parents should be contributing in both ways.

I don't really have much respect for any adult who thinks that living off other people is something to aspire too. Being a barnacle isn't really a great quality to have.

What you are describing is not what OP was describing. A spouse who wants to support you in making your own choices to stay at home, work, make a career change etc etc is different from a spouse pressuring you to stay home.

Also calling sahms “barnacles” is so disrespectful. Why the hate for women making a choice that works for their family? Focus on your own grass

I am not saying sahp are barnacles. I am speaking to the attitude that a woman being a dependent and being looked after by a man is something g to aspire to. A dream man being someone who pays for everything is no different to me from a dream woman being one who does all child and domestic care. The attitude of one person doing it all to absolve the other of parental and adult responsibilities is not something I want any of my kids to aspire to. I would feel very disappointed in my young adult children if they saw a dream partner as one who either took on full care of them financially or took on full care of them domestically so that they had 0% of the responsibility in that area. I would also be disappointed if they offered that to a partner and weren’t looking for equality in a marriage.

If two equal partners decide post marriage that one person staying at home for a few years until the kids are in school is what makes the most sense for their family…fine. That is completely different from the attitude in the OP and subsequent responses of what makes one a good spouse or dream partner is taking on 100% of an entire area of adult and financial responsibility.

One spouse who doesn’t feel or take on any financial responsibility to me is the exact same as one spouse whose doesn’t feel or take any childcare or household responsibilities.

Well what if someone has enough money to outsource all household responsibilities? Or what if someone makes that their financial goal? Is that shirking adult responsibilities? I don’t think so. I think that there is nothing inherently “adult” about earning money or doing mundane labor when it’s not necessary. Many people wouldn’t work at a regular job if they could afford not to. In fact a lot of us think it’s kind of weird when someone who has a generous trust fund slaves away in big law.

I don’t think most people have an issue with the idea of not earning money or not doing menial labor. The issue is about gender. And that’s fine if you have a different opinion of gender dynamics than others do. Personally, I allow space for others to have the aspirations they want as long as they aren’t harmful (and this dynamic isn’t harmful if the woman has plenty of assets in her own name and can leave if she wants to).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While there may be men like that - I hope there aren't women who want that. The idea that women aren't independent and should be dependent on their husbands like a child isn't anything to aspire to. Women are capable, competent adults and should be contributing. Life as an adult and with a family costs money. No one should have kids thinking they have no financial responsibility to their children or for themselves.

Just like no one should have kids thinking they have no hands on responsibility to their children.

The days should be long gone where dad has 100% financial responsibility and mom has 100% hands on responsibility.

Families take money and time and both parents should be contributing in both ways.

I don't really have much respect for any adult who thinks that living off other people is something to aspire too. Being a barnacle isn't really a great quality to have.

What you are describing is not what OP was describing. A spouse who wants to support you in making your own choices to stay at home, work, make a career change etc etc is different from a spouse pressuring you to stay home.

Also calling sahms “barnacles” is so disrespectful. Why the hate for women making a choice that works for their family? Focus on your own grass

I am not saying sahp are barnacles. I am speaking to the attitude that a woman being a dependent and being looked after by a man is something g to aspire to. A dream man being someone who pays for everything is no different to me from a dream woman being one who does all child and domestic care. The attitude of one person doing it all to absolve the other of parental and adult responsibilities is not something I want any of my kids to aspire to. I would feel very disappointed in my young adult children if they saw a dream partner as one who either took on full care of them financially or took on full care of them domestically so that they had 0% of the responsibility in that area. I would also be disappointed if they offered that to a partner and weren’t looking for equality in a marriage.

If two equal partners decide post marriage that one person staying at home for a few years until the kids are in school is what makes the most sense for their family…fine. That is completely different from the attitude in the OP and subsequent responses of what makes one a good spouse or dream partner is taking on 100% of an entire area of adult and financial responsibility.

One spouse who doesn’t feel or take on any financial responsibility to me is the exact same as one spouse whose doesn’t feel or take any childcare or household responsibilities.

The problem is biology. Women solely have children and breastfeed. Equality is great until you have kids and reality hits you in the face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While there may be men like that - I hope there aren't women who want that. The idea that women aren't independent and should be dependent on their husbands like a child isn't anything to aspire to. Women are capable, competent adults and should be contributing. Life as an adult and with a family costs money. No one should have kids thinking they have no financial responsibility to their children or for themselves.

Just like no one should have kids thinking they have no hands on responsibility to their children.

The days should be long gone where dad has 100% financial responsibility and mom has 100% hands on responsibility.

Families take money and time and both parents should be contributing in both ways.

I don't really have much respect for any adult who thinks that living off other people is something to aspire too. Being a barnacle isn't really a great quality to have.

Every woman is dependent on her husband - whether she works or not. You seem to have a false sense of security from working outside the home. I work but do not fool myself that I’m dependent on other people and even my employer to provide my paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Well, someone has to take care of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Op, I'm am investing money for my kids on my very low income. This is not because I don't want them to work. I want them to have 'fuk you' money.
I was used and abused at work for about 15 years. I don't want this for my children. The only way I know how to avoid it is to have money.
Nothing to do with who stays home and how works.