What is attractive to ambitious men?

[Anonymous]

I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

[Anonymous]

You sound like a gold digger who historically makes bad choice in men. You deserve what you get.

[Anonymous]

Are YOU ambitious? All the ambitious men I know married ambitious women (peers in college, grad school, or first jobs). Some of the women now SAH or work part time, but they didn't have a "man is the plan" attitude when they first met and attracted their now-spouses.

[Anonymous]

I like well-rounded ambitious people with a track record of success, not talk.

I don’t care for one trick ponies who are only ambitious at school or only ambitious at work.

Be ambitious at health, family, home ownership, vacations, kids, and work. Cycle through those and be well rounded.

Work hard, play hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are YOU ambitious? All the ambitious men I know married ambitious women (peers in college, grad school, or first jobs). Some of the women now SAH or work part time, but they didn't have a "man is the plan" attitude when they first met and attracted their now-spouses.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are YOU ambitious? All the ambitious men I know married ambitious women (peers in college, grad school, or first jobs). Some of the women now SAH or work part time, but they didn't have a "man is the plan" attitude when they first met and attracted their now-spouses.

Agree.

Same. Ambitious men like ambitious women. It drives them harder to be worthy of an ambitious woman. It’s like a feedback loop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

Just curious, why do you find this so important?

[Anonymous]

You probably need a matchmaking service.

[Anonymous]

For me a man isn’t the plan but an UMC joint income certainly is. He should earn at least as much or within 10% of what I do ($250K) unless he is a truly extraordinarily good match in every other way causing me to compromise on this one big thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are YOU ambitious? All the ambitious men I know married ambitious women (peers in college, grad school, or first jobs). Some of the women now SAH or work part time, but they didn't have a "man is the plan" attitude when they first met and attracted their now-spouses.

Ya, this.

[Anonymous]

I mean… I met my DH at the candy machine at work. We kept running into each other at like 9pm. I think it was clear from those circumstances that we were both ambitious (or at least very focused on work). We clicked. Cue Joe Jackson song (Lawyers In Love).

Are you ambitious, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

Just curious, why do you find this so important?

Not OP, but most people would find this important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me a man isn’t the plan but an UMC joint income certainly is. He should earn at least as much or within 10% of what I do ($250K) unless he is a truly extraordinarily good match in every other way causing me to compromise on this one big thing.

Making being in the top few % of income a “big thing” is pretty much the definition of gold digging even if you earn a sizable amount yourself.

[Anonymous]

Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.