If you were on the fence about having kids

[Anonymous]

All of my young life I figured I would have kids because that’s what people do. Now I’m nearing that time and seriously contemplating becoming a parent. It makes me sound awful but I dislike kids. I find them annoying 90% of the time - even family members I love. On the flip side, I’ve noticed myself becoming jealous of my friends having kids and longing for it. It’s such a huge commitment and I would rather regret not having than regret having, but I worry about regret not having when it’s too late. Anyone else feel this way and love being a parent?

[Anonymous]

It's completely different when it's your child. I had my first at a very young age as an "oops." Best thing that ever happened to me. It took 10 years to find the right person for both of us and to have more kids. I wish it hadn't taken that long as it's been a painful infertility journey. I would take more of the young years as a parent and less of the older years and infertility and losses.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I feel I lack the patience.

I adore my infant nephew but I was beyond bored when I babysat him. It was monotonous after like 10 minutes of play time. I have an amazing 6 year old niece but she’s sarcastic, stubborn, and whiney at times. I really can’t take it.

I was with my sister and her kids today at Old Navy and this kid kept slamming the doors to the changing stall over and over. I almost wanted to yell to get that kid to stop. Another was incredibly whiney and I just couldn’t listen to it. I find kids who whine past 2 incredibly irritating and annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel I lack the patience.

I adore my infant nephew but I was beyond bored when I babysat him. It was monotonous after like 10 minutes of play time. I have an amazing 6 year old niece but she’s sarcastic, stubborn, and whiney at times. I really can’t take it.

I was with my sister and her kids today at Old Navy and this kid kept slamming the doors to the changing stall over and over. I almost wanted to yell to get that kid to stop. Another was incredibly whiney and I just couldn’t listen to it. I find kids who whine past 2 incredibly irritating and annoying.

Lol - yes there is some frustrating parts of parenthood. Like naps, lack of sleep and listening to yabba gabba a billion times. My kid is now 15. We've traveled all over the world together and let me tell you. People light up and engage with you differently, in a more genuine way when you travel with a child. Just got into TJ, is a rockstar athlete and one of the nicest people that I've spent my life with despite having a less-than-ideal childhood (Dad had very unstable situations in the past).

As for behavior, I don't tolerate that at all from my kids. I used 1-2-3 magic with one and it still works at 15. For the other I just get serious and the behavior stops immediately.

[Anonymous]

I hated kids for most of my life. I didn’t spend much time around them. Like you, When I did it was usually noticing when they were screaming on an airplane or behaving like spoiled brats at a restaurant. I never cared about being a mother or wife at all.

Once I got past my mid 20s, my mindset changed. I decided I wanted kids. It took a very long time to find a man who would be a suitable father.

Now parenting is the best thing in my life. There is nothing I love more than spending time with my kids. It is the most rewarding and fulfilling experience. I wish I would have started younger so that I could have more.

I expected to hate caring for babies, but I actually enjoyed it most of the time. I wouldn’t like taking care of others people’s babies. It is an entirely different feeling when it’s your own. Or maybe I am just selfish.

One caveat is that spouse selection is very important. If my spouse was not involved and supportive I may feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Op, it is totally unimaginable what being a parent is before you become one. My husband was like you, very unsure, never really liked kids.

He is the most amazing dad.

I don’t think being bored by your nephew should be your litmus test.

If you truly don’t want kids, deep down, that’s totally fine. But if you do, don’t lie to yourself to “protect” yourself. You will regret it.

[Anonymous]

You sound like my sister. She took a couple months and every day she asked herself to picture her life in 5, 10, 15, 20 years. 75% of the time she did this, her own kids weren't in the picture. Her husband said he'd be fine with whatever she decided.

It's been over a decade and she doesn't regret not having kids. She's the fun aunt/honorary aunt. She and BIL watch our kids frequently.

If you feel like you have to convince yourself to have kids, it seems the answer is not to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my sister. She took a couple months and every day she asked herself to picture her life in 5, 10, 15, 20 years. 75% of the time she did this, her own kids weren't in the picture. Her husband said he'd be fine with whatever she decided.

It's been over a decade and she doesn't regret not having kids. She's the fun aunt/honorary aunt. She and BIL watch our kids frequently.

If you feel like you have to convince yourself to have kids, it seems the answer is not to have them.

I had a friend with similar views. At 35 she had 3 back-to-back and absolutely loves being a Mom. I still find it funny because she was so hateful about parenthood as a young adult.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t like kids but it was immediately different with my own, so I wouldn’t use how you feel around other people’s kids as the barometer.

[Anonymous]

I did not want kids. I have two. I love them, but I would be happier if I did not have kids.
I don’t think you would be happy being a mom. That incident at old navy is something that can happen every day for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t like kids but it was immediately different with my own, so I wouldn’t use how you feel around other people’s kids as the barometer.

I disagree. I didn’t like kids in general before I had kids and although I love my kids, I still find them incredibly annoying and I personally don’t think the small moments are worth the annoyance.

[Anonymous]

I did not want kids because I've never liked them and never had any interest in parenting, and only had them because my husband wanted them, I knew he'd be miserable without them, and he promised he'd be the main parent (which I had no interest in). We have two, DH is the main parent, and I only like mine and put up with other people's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's completely different when it's your child. I had my first at a very young age as an "oops." Best thing that ever happened to me. It took 10 years to find the right person for both of us and to have more kids. I wish it hadn't taken that long as it's been a painful infertility journey. I would take more of the young years as a parent and less of the older years and infertility and losses.

This is me except I had kids older and I wish I’d had them younger even as an oops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not want kids. I have two. I love them, but I would be happier if I did not have kids.
I don’t think you would be happy being a mom. That incident at old navy is something that can happen every day for years.

This is probably me. But FOMO. You don't know what you don't know. We couldn't get off the fence, I got pregnant accidentally and then we went through a lot to get pregnant a second time because I knew that if I had kids I wanted two. One kid always seemed to me just dipping your toe in and if I did, I was going all in. I read a lot of books pro and con and the one that put me over the edge was Waiting for Daisy. The author's partner wants kids more than she does. His rationale is that having kids is a basic life experience. In the book he says that life is like an amusement park and that he wants to ride all the rides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my young life I figured I would have kids because that’s what people do. Now I’m nearing that time and seriously contemplating becoming a parent. It makes me sound awful but I dislike kids. I find them annoying 90% of the time - even family members I love. On the flip side, I’ve noticed myself becoming jealous of my friends having kids and longing for it. It’s such a huge commitment and I would rather regret not having than regret having, but I worry about regret not having when it’s too late. Anyone else feel this way and love being a parent?

Me. I hated kids. Never held a baby until I had one.

Frankly, still don’t like other kids. But absolutely adore my own - best decision I ever made. Parenting came very easily to me, and I’m far happier now than I was before.

I’m well aware this could have gone either way, and had very open discussions with my husband so we were prepared for that too.