Just to decompress a little.. Corona virus jockes and funny stories..

[Anonymous]

When all of the sudden, you see all those people rushing to buy toilet paper, you can’t help but wonder, how did they clean their parts until now?

[Anonymous]

The leading causes of death during the coronavirus outbreak
1. Slipping on hand sanitizer.
2. Being run over by a shopping cart while storming toilet paper section
3. Being crashed to death by the pile of toilet paper.
4. Suffocation due to wearing N 95 two weeks nonstop.
5. Bleeding to death due to ruptured hernia resulted by carrying cases of bottled water three floors up.
6. Suicide by hanging after eating pasta with tomato sauce for six weeks three times a day ( they told you to prepare dude!)

[Anonymous]

The Twenty most deadly things that can kill you now but were not deadly just three months ago ..List:

1. Touching a doorknob
2. Kissing your spouse
3. Hugging grandpa
4. Riding a bus
5. Sneezing
6. Coughing
7. Shopping
8. Eating out
9. Starbucks-ing
10. Watching news
11. Shaking hands
12. Going to work
13. Going to school
14. Going to church
15. Going anywhere..
16. Using a bathroom
17. Ordering pizza
18. Thought running out of toilet paper
19. Standing next to a person less then three feet apart
20. Breathing

Bonus: Signing the delivery services pad while accepting a package

Note:
Cruises and international trips are not included because they were always risky.

[Anonymous]

It is fascinating how different people react differently to a calamity..

Noah felt the urgency to build a boat when no water was in sight .
Nowadays, some feel urgency to accumulate gigantic amount of water when there is no boat in sight..
While others are piling up toilet paper when there is no diarrhea is in sight.

Funny how humans operate. Still looks like Noah made more sense back then, and he had no science to back him up.

[Anonymous]

Daddy..daddy.. what will happen to us after coronavirus ends?

I guess locust will be next my son...

[Anonymous]

The Pope was asked when all the epidemics will finally end?

-lets’s see.. he said
and went to grab his Bible, an IPad and a piece of paper
and after a while of checking and rechecking he finally answer...

- It will take Two more.

- Two more? Wow, what a precision.. but. Why?How can you be so certain?

- Well it is a matter of simple math really.. he said.. we had SARS,, MERS..H1N1..Y2K.. Swine flu... HIV.. September 11 and now we have Coronavirus..
So we are just two plagues shy of meeting the “ten plagues” quota.

[Anonymous]

I am going to guilt trip all those of you who bought a truckloads of the toilet paper..

After all this ends you better plant a tree or two.

What? You thought that toilet paper grows on trees?

[Anonymous]

Q: why do you need to use two hand sanitizer bottles, each time you clean hands?

A: Because it says on the bottle, it kills only 99.9 %
So you need the second bottle to get this last sucker.

[Anonymous]

Meanwhile in the house of coronavirus Mama virus to little kid virus.
Son, remember!

- wash your hands after touching humans , they are filthy,
You may catch something!
- get plenty of rest between the host hopping
- avoid those who use Purcell, your uncle Joe always comes home drunk
when he makes one of them sick..
- stay away from kids, they are total waste of time..

Okay, now go... have fun on the Nile cruise and send me a postcards from Italy.

[Anonymous]

THIS IS REAL, NOT A JOKE, YET SO NOT FUNNY THAT IT IS FUNNY....

So it started as a joke question what is next.. so I checked...and you can not make this up. . this is for real!!
Since we have an obvious plague now ... get ready for this...and try not to flip laughing.

The next brood of periodic cicadas is set to emerge in North Carolina, Virginia, and West Virginia in 2020 and in the entire eastern United States in 2021

Watch Out! A Giant Brood of Cicadas is Supposed To Invade the Eastern US This Spring

https://rare.us/rare-news/across-the-u-s-a/17-year-cicadas/



Now I wonder if this is maybe more of the religious forum material but on a second thought, the folks there have enough already trying to sort out the plague vs faith and don’t want to freak them out further...

Repaint! Repaint! The end is near, and so is the suppply of paint at Home Depot.

[Anonymous]

If you run out food supply, do not despair!

The greatest minds of the culinary world are already working hard to come up with delicious two ingredient dishes with the main ingredients being..
Toilet paper fibers and purell. They will be nutritious, chewy and flamboyant.

It will be sort of like eating bowl of rice and having your drink at the same time. Flames optional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
THIS IS REAL, NOT A JOKE, YET SO NOT FUNNY THAT IT IS FUNNY....

So it started as a joke question what is next.. so I checked...and you can not make this up. . this is for real!!
Since we have an obvious plague now ... get ready for this...and try not to flip laughing.

The next brood of periodic cicadas is set to emerge in North Carolina, Virginia, and West Virginia in 2020 and in the entire eastern United States in 2021

Watch Out! A Giant Brood of Cicadas is Supposed To Invade the Eastern US This Spring

https://rare.us/rare-news/across-the-u-s-a/17-year-cicadas/



Now I wonder if this is maybe more of the religious forum material but on a second thought, the folks there have enough already trying to sort out the plague vs faith and don’t want to freak them out further...

Repaint! Repaint! The end is near, and so is the suppply of paint at Home Depot.

Oh so now I get it!... why some people are buying all that water... they think.. red water next!
But why the toilet paper.. they must know something.. a diarrhea plague??

[Anonymous]

Nothing says. “The end is near.” Like APPLE closing their all stores in the US.

I think it is in The Bible.. the first sign of the Apocalypse?

So the core of the problem is... the forbidden fruit.. it all begun wit an apple and so does it end..

BTW.. Should’t it be called Applecalypse?

[Anonymous]

From DCUM CV Mega thread..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two of my adult children (Cali, Fla) and me (dmv) had the same symptoms as covid-19 in january and february. None of us got tested and we all are okay now. This could of been around for awhile and our robust immune system took care of the virus.

First of all congratulation on your geographically equally distributed children with beautiful names Cali and Flo. What a wonderful specimens of a human race, must be taking after lean mean fit starving to death yoga DMV Mama..

Please don’t stop. Let your words never stop rolling of your lips preaching us how no big deal the virus is and how we all should look forward to the easy breezy experience. We migh consider licking some doorknobs now in anticipation.

[Anonymous]

For years, I have binge watched zombie and virus apocalypse movies and shows, and have been waiting for this day. I am prepared. Game on!