What's the first 'dirty' thing you notice in someone else's house?

[Anonymous]

I love going into a well put together, clean and uncluttered home. I have a goal to have that kind of house one day - well decorated, clean and where everything has a place. Or at least I would love to get it to the point where it cleans up that way when I need it to...

It's a work in progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the people who are complaining about cluttered houses the same people wondering why people don't reciprocate play dates and other invites?

My partner is much messier than I am. I could live my life cleaning up after him (tried that, horrendous, made me resentful), not cleaning up after him and hoping that he will have an epiphany and start picking things up (also horrible, epiphany never came), or asking for help on certain things and picking my battles, and letting some things go. The third one of what worked best, particularly as we both have very busy work schedules. For a while that nrant we never invited anyone over, because I was ashamed of the clutter. But that wasn't fun. Now we invite people over and, you know what, it's not the end of the world that there's clutter. We have a biweekly cleaner and cover the basics ourselves daily, do it's clean enough, but it's never going to look like a show home.

Anyway, this thread was helpful for thinking about what areas to prioritize, but I do want people to know that I've been able to keep my friends without being perfect; in fact my friendships have probably improved because my friends and I let each other in on our daily lives for a last minute coffee or glass of wine, and not just after the marathon cleaning session. And the more I've been doing that, the more I'm realizing that not everyone else keeps a perfect home either, and that's okay.

I completely agree. I used to avoid having friends over if I felt too stressed that I may not be able to get my house to look perfect in time. I realized that it wasn't necessary and I was only hurting myself. I made a new friend who would call me up sometimes after the kids got on the bus and ask me to come for coffee. I'd go and her house was a bit messy but she was warm and welcoming and made me feel like she just wanted to catch up with me and I was her priority. As a result, I have developed closer friendships since allowing myself to be more real. If you wait for the perfect opportunity to have people to your home, with busy lives and young kids, it may not come. Or it will always be so formal. People who I have over are people who like me, not my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm never having company again. Who knew there were so many judgmental bitches out there? I understand not wanting to enter squalor, but a lot of what is being described here is just life. Clutter on the dining table? Photos on the fridge? Really?!

I was thinking the same thing. What bitches!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people who are complaining about cluttered houses the same people wondering why people don't reciprocate play dates and other invites?

My partner is much messier than I am. I could live my life cleaning up after him (tried that, horrendous, made me resentful), not cleaning up after him and hoping that he will have an epiphany and start picking things up (also horrible, epiphany never came), or asking for help on certain things and picking my battles, and letting some things go. The third one of what worked best, particularly as we both have very busy work schedules. For a while that nrant we never invited anyone over, because I was ashamed of the clutter. But that wasn't fun. Now we invite people over and, you know what, it's not the end of the world that there's clutter. We have a biweekly cleaner and cover the basics ourselves daily, do it's clean enough, but it's never going to look like a show home.

Anyway, this thread was helpful for thinking about what areas to prioritize, but I do want people to know that I've been able to keep my friends without being perfect; in fact my friendships have probably improved because my friends and I let each other in on our daily lives for a last minute coffee or glass of wine, and not just after the marathon cleaning session. And the more I've been doing that, the more I'm realizing that not everyone else keeps a perfect home either, and that's okay.

I completely agree. I used to avoid having friends over if I felt too stressed that I may not be able to get my house to look perfect in time. I realized that it wasn't necessary and I was only hurting myself. I made a new friend who would call me up sometimes after the kids got on the bus and ask me to come for coffee. I'd go and her house was a bit messy but she was warm and welcoming and made me feel like she just wanted to catch up with me and I was her priority. As a result, I have developed closer friendships since allowing myself to be more real. If you wait for the perfect opportunity to have people to your home, with busy lives and young kids, it may not come. Or it will always be so formal. People who I have over are people who like me, not my house.

My mom always says she wants her house to look like "a hotel" (as in, perfectly clean and nothing out place) and she has zero friends come over to visit her. I mean, none. Ever. I'm not saying it's a direct consequence... but maybe that kind of type a often extends into other areas of life? Like personality and friendly vibes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people who are complaining about cluttered houses the same people wondering why people don't reciprocate play dates and other invites?

My partner is much messier than I am. I could live my life cleaning up after him (tried that, horrendous, made me resentful), not cleaning up after him and hoping that he will have an epiphany and start picking things up (also horrible, epiphany never came), or asking for help on certain things and picking my battles, and letting some things go. The third one of what worked best, particularly as we both have very busy work schedules. For a while that nrant we never invited anyone over, because I was ashamed of the clutter. But that wasn't fun. Now we invite people over and, you know what, it's not the end of the world that there's clutter. We have a biweekly cleaner and cover the basics ourselves daily, do it's clean enough, but it's never going to look like a show home.

Anyway, this thread was helpful for thinking about what areas to prioritize, but I do want people to know that I've been able to keep my friends without being perfect; in fact my friendships have probably improved because my friends and I let each other in on our daily lives for a last minute coffee or glass of wine, and not just after the marathon cleaning session. And the more I've been doing that, the more I'm realizing that not everyone else keeps a perfect home either, and that's okay.

I completely agree. I used to avoid having friends over if I felt too stressed that I may not be able to get my house to look perfect in time. I realized that it wasn't necessary and I was only hurting myself. I made a new friend who would call me up sometimes after the kids got on the bus and ask me to come for coffee. I'd go and her house was a bit messy but she was warm and welcoming and made me feel like she just wanted to catch up with me and I was her priority. As a result, I have developed closer friendships since allowing myself to be more real. If you wait for the perfect opportunity to have people to your home, with busy lives and young kids, it may not come. Or it will always be so formal. People who I have over are people who like me, not my house.

My mom always says she wants her house to look like "a hotel" (as in, perfectly clean and nothing out place) and she has zero friends come over to visit her. I mean, none. Ever. I'm not saying it's a direct consequence... but maybe that kind of type a often extends into other areas of life? Like personality and friendly vibes?

I kinda think so. When you try so hard to be perfect and project that you always have your shit together and are beyond reproach, it can be a bit offputting and cold. Uptight. Like appearances are more important than substance. Whether it's your personal appearance or your home's appearance.

[Anonymous]

What kind of cars they drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people who are complaining about cluttered houses the same people wondering why people don't reciprocate play dates and other invites?

My partner is much messier than I am. I could live my life cleaning up after him (tried that, horrendous, made me resentful), not cleaning up after him and hoping that he will have an epiphany and start picking things up (also horrible, epiphany never came), or asking for help on certain things and picking my battles, and letting some things go. The third one of what worked best, particularly as we both have very busy work schedules. For a while that nrant we never invited anyone over, because I was ashamed of the clutter. But that wasn't fun. Now we invite people over and, you know what, it's not the end of the world that there's clutter. We have a biweekly cleaner and cover the basics ourselves daily, do it's clean enough, but it's never going to look like a show home.

Anyway, this thread was helpful for thinking about what areas to prioritize, but I do want people to know that I've been able to keep my friends without being perfect; in fact my friendships have probably improved because my friends and I let each other in on our daily lives for a last minute coffee or glass of wine, and not just after the marathon cleaning session. And the more I've been doing that, the more I'm realizing that not everyone else keeps a perfect home either, and that's okay.

I completely agree. I used to avoid having friends over if I felt too stressed that I may not be able to get my house to look perfect in time. I realized that it wasn't necessary and I was only hurting myself. I made a new friend who would call me up sometimes after the kids got on the bus and ask me to come for coffee. I'd go and her house was a bit messy but she was warm and welcoming and made me feel like she just wanted to catch up with me and I was her priority. As a result, I have developed closer friendships since allowing myself to be more real. If you wait for the perfect opportunity to have people to your home, with busy lives and young kids, it may not come. Or it will always be so formal. People who I have over are people who like me, not my house.

My mom always says she wants her house to look like "a hotel" (as in, perfectly clean and nothing out place) and she has zero friends come over to visit her. I mean, none. Ever. I'm not saying it's a direct consequence... but maybe that kind of type a often extends into other areas of life? Like personality and friendly vibes?

That hasn't been my experience at all. The ones who have the gorgeous homes tend to be skilled at entertaining and since they have people over a lot they put a high priority on making their house aesthetically pleasing. Usually these folks are the opposite of biotchy - they are extroverted and they want their guests to be comfortable. It's actually a nice way to be although I'm sure that there are exceptions.

There are jerks with tidy, well decorated homes just as there are jerks with cluttered, filthy homes. But I think that most people are nice enough.

Most of us tend to have something in between immaculate and filthy.

[Anonymous]

Toilets!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people who are complaining about cluttered houses the same people wondering why people don't reciprocate play dates and other invites?

My partner is much messier than I am. I could live my life cleaning up after him (tried that, horrendous, made me resentful), not cleaning up after him and hoping that he will have an epiphany and start picking things up (also horrible, epiphany never came), or asking for help on certain things and picking my battles, and letting some things go. The third one of what worked best, particularly as we both have very busy work schedules. For a while that nrant we never invited anyone over, because I was ashamed of the clutter. But that wasn't fun. Now we invite people over and, you know what, it's not the end of the world that there's clutter. We have a biweekly cleaner and cover the basics ourselves daily, do it's clean enough, but it's never going to look like a show home.

Anyway, this thread was helpful for thinking about what areas to prioritize, but I do want people to know that I've been able to keep my friends without being perfect; in fact my friendships have probably improved because my friends and I let each other in on our daily lives for a last minute coffee or glass of wine, and not just after the marathon cleaning session. And the more I've been doing that, the more I'm realizing that not everyone else keeps a perfect home either, and that's okay.

I completely agree. I used to avoid having friends over if I felt too stressed that I may not be able to get my house to look perfect in time. I realized that it wasn't necessary and I was only hurting myself. I made a new friend who would call me up sometimes after the kids got on the bus and ask me to come for coffee. I'd go and her house was a bit messy but she was warm and welcoming and made me feel like she just wanted to catch up with me and I was her priority. As a result, I have developed closer friendships since allowing myself to be more real. If you wait for the perfect opportunity to have people to your home, with busy lives and young kids, it may not come. Or it will always be so formal. People who I have over are people who like me, not my house.

My mom always says she wants her house to look like "a hotel" (as in, perfectly clean and nothing out place) and she has zero friends come over to visit her. I mean, none. Ever. I'm not saying it's a direct consequence... but maybe that kind of type a often extends into other areas of life? Like personality and friendly vibes?

I kinda think so. When you try so hard to be perfect and project that you always have your shit together and are beyond reproach, it can be a bit offputting and cold. Uptight. Like appearances are more important than substance. Whether it's your personal appearance or your home's appearance.

This.

[Anonymous]

Toilet. I can see past clutter and dirty dishes but if someone can't keep their one guest bathroom toilet clean that's a bit much for me. We don't have a separate guest bath (hall bath is for kids and guests) and I always make sure it's clean before we have people over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't fully relax until the room I am in is picked up. Not clean-clean, not perfect-baseboards-and-fully-vaccummed, but clutter-free. So DH and I clean the kitchen together every night, my 3-yo helps me pick up toys in the living room, and I make sure my bedroom and the kids' rooms are picked up daily. It doesn't take a lot of effort, because we never get too messy.

There is a difference between picked-up, and clean.

[Anonymous]

Clutter doesn't bother me, but I am grossed out by dirty walls, doors, and door frames. I know someone who is the most kind, giving person, but I don't think it's ever occurred to her to take a wipe and clean those places where her kids put their hands regularly, and her doors and door frames are black with grime. It completely grosses me out.

[Anonymous]

I have visitors at least 2-3 times a week in my house. This actually forces me to clean my house daily. I also have cleaners come to my house twice a week, and while they do deep down cleaning, there is still some level of cleaning that needs to get done daily in the house.

Decluttering is not something that the cleaners do. You have to declutter constantly, and you just have to have less things in your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the above, that "non-obvious dirt" is fine, but clutter everywhere is very noticable. I know many people who moved in YEARS ago and still have entire rooms that are unpacked/not organized. "Guest rooms" where they just keep STUFF.

Here's a hint...if you have boxes and boxes of items you haven't unpacked in years, you don't need that stuff. Throw it away or donate.

1/2 of our guest room is like that. I wish we had the time to go through it. But we tend to prioritize fun weekend activities and vacations over staying home to sort through old stuff. Maybe we will pick a long weekend this year.

well just know that your guests think you are lazy and dirty, lol

My guest room is set up very nicely for guests when they are here and I don't go into the room when a guest is using it. But when we don't have anyone staying in that room it is our gift wrap room, the place where I put items that I intend to sell or donate. A place where I might keep a craft project that I'm working on.

There is no need to keep it museum like all year round. It does clean up nicely though when we need it to.

Disagree. Pull your shit together woman!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fresh flowers, or lack thereof.

What's on the TV, e.g. sports, Fox News, cooking channel.

Books, or lack thereof.

There's no such thing as a "lack" of fresh flowers or books. I am extremely well-read. I have a master's degree in English from GW. But I don't keep tons of physical books. I have about two shelves of my very favorites. The rest, I've passed on to friends or family, or given to Goodwill. Stories live in my head and my heart, not on a shelf, gathering dust. I don't spend money on books; I get them from the LIBRARY for free! I also listen to audiobooks during my commute.

+1. I read voraciously and always have, but I cannot stand clutter or shelves of dusty books dragging me down. I think this judgment of whether people have books in their house is ridiculous and pretentious.