Don't love my engagement ring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok I'm actually into jewelry and those settings look completely different. I agree that the second looks cheaper. A nice delicate halo costs more money. Look at pricescope, people pay a big premium for a good jeweler to get the right look. It would drive me nuts if I wanted a halo to get one with gaps. Basically it comes down to this, just tell him you would like it reset and to be involved because sorry the gaps drive you nuts and see what he says. My husband would be ok with it and not hurt because he isn't a jeweler so his self esteem isn't based on a ring design!!

Agree that they look different, give off a different vibe. It's all in the details with jewelry. BUT, to him, it looks the same and poor guy must be confused. He put in so much effort, even getting it designed after finding out your preferences. He wanted an element of surprise, put something of himself in it too. It's an engagement ring signifying your impending union. You can get exactly what only you like for other jewelry. But why fault the guy when he was trying to be part of the design, part of the artwork he created?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you let him pick the ring??? What did you think would happen?

We went to look at rings together. I told him I wanted a delicate halo like this below:




But he got me something like this:



The halo has a gap around the diamond. It's a beautiful stone and I love it but I dislike the setting. I'm irked because I specificslly showed him the kind of halo I wanted.

You sound like a peach. What did you say to him? If you haven't mentioned it or had a discussion about it or made peace with it, please call of your engagement. You are not mature enough for marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is OP. I don't wear any jewelry so I always knew my engagement ring had to be special because I would wear it forever. I emphasized it to him during the 4 years that we dated. How I actually cared about my engagement ring, not because I am materialistic ( I do not own any other jewelry) but because of sentimental value. I went with him to multiple jewelry stores and specified what kind of halo I wanted. We took pictures.

He still gave me the one I specified I did NOT like the look of.

Unfortunately there are other aspects of my relationship that I am also disappointed in. Not sure if I have crazy high expectations or they are legitimate grievances.

OK OP, you need to share what other aspects of your relationship you are disappointed in. Then DCUM will tell you if you are out of line or legitimately upset.

PS you don't have to like a lot of jewelry to be materialistic.
PPS I agree you should be happy with your ring. I loved my ring, but it took a long time to get a wedding band that I liked equally as well. You need something you'll be happy with. Ring and man.

If this is actually true (the extensive shopping, he was told which one NOT to buy and bought it), then you do have a problem. However, I really don't understand why, if the two of you were shopping for rings together, you didn't just buy the ring together. Then you would have gotten exactly what you wanted. It's not exactly a surprise traditional romantic proposal if you've already done a lot of shopping for the ring anyway.

He wanted to be the one to design it on his own after we went to different jewelers looking at different rings to see which I liked and which I didn't. He wanted to leave some element of surprise for me such as the final ring and the proposal itself.

I know he deeply cares for me and loves me. It's just that I sometimes feel that he doesn't go out of his way to do some things exactly as I want the, in an effort to show me he cares? If I was buying an engagement ring for someone, for example, I'd go out of my way to ensure I knew as much about what someone wanted before making the purchase. I'd want to meet their expectations. I sometimes feel like he doesn't care to. Now it's quite possible that my expectations are crazy and unrealistic.

I remember when we first started going out he was going to Paris for a work trip. He told me he would bring me chocolates. I was so excited. I've never been to Paris and never had chocolates from Paris. Although I did not expect him to, I was touched he was gonna bring me something small from Paris.

He of course, forgot to buy me the chocolates. I felt let down and as if he didn't care to meet my expectation.I wanted him to do something to impress me. He didn't even try.

You've been dating for four years and telling him what kind of ring you wanted? How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly don't think you should marry this man. You really need some time to yourself.

+2 million. I'm rooting for this man to escape from what will surely be a hellish marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly don't think you should marry this man. You really need some time to yourself.

+2 million. I'm rooting for this man to escape from what will surely be a hellish marriage.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're both ugly and trendy.

So there's that.

Agree. Both hideous and trashy.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you asked your fiance how he decided that this was the setting? I can see him listening to the salesperson's take on it -- an "airline" halo (I had to look this up!) lets more light in around the center stone and so the diamond will sparkle more than the same diamond in the other setting. So your fiance might be thinking more sparkle and you're focusing on the more air part. Jewelry stores also have high intensity lighting that makes every piece look good in the store, so the bezel set ring may not have looked quite as dazzling outside of the store, either. Try seeing this ring through his eyes, and think of this ring as a symbol of both of you coming together.

[Anonymous]

Give the ring back and put him back out here in the market, please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who really cares about the size & cost of other rings in your circle??
I assume you are no longer in high school, correct??!

Your ring should represent the love your husband has toward you, the future the two of you will share together & your commitment to each other.

If you cannot get over the tangible vs. the intangible of your ring, then it's time to re-think marrying this person.

It took someone till page 8 for someone to say this.

I am amazed how many super fiscal people there are out there.

[Anonymous]

Both rings are so ugly. That being said, I get wanting to have a pretty engagement ring, especially since you will be wearing it for the rest of your life. Maybe have the border stones replaced in a few years to make it a little more your style?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both rings are so ugly. That being said, I get wanting to have a pretty engagement ring, especially since you will be wearing it for the rest of your life. Maybe have the border stones replaced in a few years to make it a little more your style?

Don't forget to add that OP has poor taste, is ugly, fiance has a small one, and that she smells bad. Otherwise, she can just replace her ring in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Wait till you are married, then get a new ring.

I dont even wear mine. I do too much housework and typing. Who needs it. If I could afford an eternity band thing, I would gladly wear it.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't tell the difference between the pics and I'm a female. I think if you're that upset about the ring it's worth bringing it up in a discussion. You don't want to go into a marriage blindsided by expectations that the other isn't aware of so you owe it to him to be transparent. Let him decide if you're the kind of person he wants to be his wife and spend a future trying to please you.

I have been in your shoes before -- until I met the man I am engaged to. I used to care about what my social circle thought, what my dream ring would be, and what the dream wedding would be like. After I met my fiance, I realized that the real work is not the wedding planning, it's the actual day to day marriage. As for the ring, I'm very happy with my ring but my man did not follow the "3 months of salary, pre-tax" rule and I am 100% ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Change the setting to a simple solitaire. This really is so trivial.

[Anonymous]

Let's all be honest. The guy probably cheaper out on the jeweler and tried to get a deal. I'm sure the extent of his "design" was telling them he wanted a halo.