TO THE MOM WHO RED SHIRTED HER SON AND COMPLAINS HE'S NOT CHALLENGED

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. I am this mom. My DD's birthday is the very end of July (turned 6 two weeks before K started) and I never considered redshirting until we switched to a new school which strongly recommended that we do it for social immaturity, an idea that was also supported by her therapist. She has considerable anxiety and maturity issues and fits in well in the K environment with her peers. But she's also very smart, academically advanced, and bored to tears with the curriculum. She comes home and asks if I can do "real math" with her. Several of her classmates are also very advanced academically, probably on the same level as DD, but the classroom curriculum has been slow and too easy for K, in my opinion.

I've talked to the school and her teachers about her academic level and whether redshirting was the right decision, and they insist that the school is very rigorous and that first grade will be dramatically more advanced academically, and that DD will be better able to handle the pressure since we gave her this extra year. So, yes. we redshirted and complain (at home, not in public) that DD is not challenged. I'm really torn about this decision and worry we made the wrong one, even though it was made at the recommendation of her school, pediatrician, and therapist. I do wonder if they would have made the same recommendation if redshirting wasn't so prevalent. There are very few summer birthdays in her class, and some of those are also redshirted. Had we pushed her to first grade, she would have been more than a year younger than many of her classmates, which seemed like a poor fit for a socially immature, anxious child. I'm hoping that things improve in 1st or 2nd grade when the curriculum gets more advanced and the variation between the kids in the class evens out. If it doesn't get better, I'm not sure what the solution is. Skip a grade? I really wish there were hard cut-offs and parents weren't given the option to redshirt unless there is a really strong case for it.

FWIW I think you did the right thing.
We sent a late July birthday kid on time to K despite concerns our own concerns about anxiety and social issues (preschool recommended against red-shirting due to advanced academics) and it was a total disaster. He did not even have a chance to be bored because he was so overwhelmed by the social pressures and crying every day. If I were you I would be grateful she is doing well in terms of friendships and leave it at that. The school is right that 1st grade these days becomes much more challenging and that peers catch up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. I am this mom. My DD's birthday is the very end of July (turned 6 two weeks before K started) and I never considered redshirting until we switched to a new school which strongly recommended that we do it for social immaturity, an idea that was also supported by her therapist. She has considerable anxiety and maturity issues and fits in well in the K environment with her peers. But she's also very smart, academically advanced, and bored to tears with the curriculum. She comes home and asks if I can do "real math" with her. Several of her classmates are also very advanced academically, probably on the same level as DD, but the classroom curriculum has been slow and too easy for K, in my opinion.

I've talked to the school and her teachers about her academic level and whether redshirting was the right decision, and they insist that the school is very rigorous and that first grade will be dramatically more advanced academically, and that DD will be better able to handle the pressure since we gave her this extra year. So, yes. we redshirted and complain (at home, not in public) that DD is not challenged. I'm really torn about this decision and worry we made the wrong one, even though it was made at the recommendation of her school, pediatrician, and therapist. I do wonder if they would have made the same recommendation if redshirting wasn't so prevalent. There are very few summer birthdays in her class, and some of those are also redshirted. Had we pushed her to first grade, she would have been more than a year younger than many of her classmates, which seemed like a poor fit for a socially immature, anxious child. I'm hoping that things improve in 1st or 2nd grade when the curriculum gets more advanced and the variation between the kids in the class evens out. If it doesn't get better, I'm not sure what the solution is. Skip a grade? I really wish there were hard cut-offs and parents weren't given the option to redshirt unless there is a really strong case for it.

Thank you. I am grateful for your persective. I hope things improve for you guys.

FWIW I think you did the right thing.
We sent a late July birthday kid on time to K despite concerns our own concerns about anxiety and social issues (preschool recommended against red-shirting due to advanced academics) and it was a total disaster. He did not even have a chance to be bored because he was so overwhelmed by the social pressures and crying every day. If I were you I would be grateful she is doing well in terms of friendships and leave it at that. The school is right that 1st grade these days becomes much more challenging and that peers catch up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have a daughter with an August Birthday and your son is a full 17 months older than my daughter and they are in the same class.
I can't stand it that you say that the classwork is too easy and your son is not academically challenged.
Perhaps you wouldn't feel that way if you sent your son to school on time. I bet my daughter would look really talented too if she were compared to kids much younger- rather than just a hardworking kid.

Eh. My son is the youngest kid in his class and the second youngest in his grade. Academically, he take any redshirted kids in his grade. Socially it can be tough, but he has some friends (a few nice girls and quieter boys).

I feel like this is a problem no one talks about -- redshirting kids is a disservice to the boys who actually BELONG in the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have a daughter with an August Birthday and your son is a full 17 months older than my daughter and they are in the same class.
I can't stand it that you say that the classwork is too easy and your son is not academically challenged.
Perhaps you wouldn't feel that way if you sent your son to school on time. I bet my daughter would look really talented too if she were compared to kids much younger- rather than just a hardworking kid.

Eh. My son is the youngest kid in his class and the second youngest in his grade. Academically, he take any redshirted kids in his grade. Socially it can be tough, but he has some friends (a few nice girls and quieter boys).

I feel like this is a problem no one talks about -- redshirting kids is a disservice to the boys who actually BELONG in the class.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have a daughter with an August Birthday and your son is a full 17 months older than my daughter and they are in the same class.
I can't stand it that you say that the classwork is too easy and your son is not academically challenged.
Perhaps you wouldn't feel that way if you sent your son to school on time. I bet my daughter would look really talented too if she were compared to kids much younger- rather than just a hardworking kid.

Eh. My son is the youngest kid in his class and the second youngest in his grade. Academically, he take any redshirted kids in his grade. Socially it can be tough, but he has some friends (a few nice girls and quieter boys).

I feel like this is a problem no one talks about -- redshirting kids is a disservice to the boys who actually BELONG in the class.

+1

+2 That's right. Your big, mature, "advanced" child unsettles the social dynamic for the younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have a daughter with an August Birthday and your son is a full 17 months older than my daughter and they are in the same class.
I can't stand it that you say that the classwork is too easy and your son is not academically challenged.
Perhaps you wouldn't feel that way if you sent your son to school on time. I bet my daughter would look really talented too if she were compared to kids much younger- rather than just a hardworking kid.

Eh. My son is the youngest kid in his class and the second youngest in his grade. Academically, he take any redshirted kids in his grade. Socially it can be tough, but he has some friends (a few nice girls and quieter boys).

I feel like this is a problem no one talks about -- redshirting kids is a disservice to the boys who actually BELONG in the class.

+1

+2 That's right. Your big, mature, "advanced" child unsettles the social dynamic for the younger kids.

My end-of August redshirted boy is not the tallest or biggest in his class (he's in the middle of the pack) and is best friends with the non-redshirted boy who is almost exactly a year younger than him. They have the same sensibility and maturity level. Kids are all different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, OP. On the flip side, my DD is ready for kindergarten but misses the cut-off by a few days. A. few. days. For that I have to make her wait another year?

You wait or you go private for two years and transfer at 2nd, like others of us do. It sucks. I figured if I had to pay for another year of private preschool, might as well pay for private K.

You could have transferred in at 1st grade. My neighbor's kid took private K, then went to school for an evaluation and was able to start 1st the following year. Early October birthday.

We could but we want two years at one school and did not want the hassle of testing in. Our public is not flexible.

[Anonymous]

My son was born on August 30. I genuinely would like to know what pps think we should do. Hold him back or not. We are struggling with this decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a teeny-tiny kindergartener who was the size of a three year old (bottom five percent of the growth curve). She would have found it challenging to be with kids her own age who were so much bigger than she was. Yes, by all means, put her in with kids who are two years older than her and also big for their age. That sounds like a great plan.

Did you really red-shirt your daughter based on her size and the fact that others red shirt?? Wow, I have heard it all.

No, she was the size of a 3 year old but reading on a sixth grade level so we sent her to kindy. What else would you do?

Uh, not say kindy?

[Anonymous]

Most of the red shirted kids I know who were held back for social reasons seemed perfectly normal to me. Different from what the parents wanted... (Introvert rather than extrovert, nerdy rather than sporty, etc) but not really socially behind. Waiting a year isn't going to fundamentally change your child's nature.

**** exception for true, diagnosed issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was born on August 30. I genuinely would like to know what pps think we should do. Hold him back or not. We are struggling with this decision.

Without a legitimate reason I say send him on time.

[Anonymous]

I am reading through all of these posts, but I am not sure that this is a huge issue. I have two kids in Arlington elementary schools. In my son's class of 24, there is 1 red-shirted boy who was born in August. In my daughter's class of 27, there is 1 red-shirted boy (I don't know when he was born, but I know he was already 6 when K started). These kids do not seem to change the social dynamic at all. It seems like the birthdays are all spread out throughout the entire year.

How many red-shirted kids are in your kids' classrooms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 10 months older than the youngest kids in her class because she has a late-October birthday. It's been a struggle to keep her challenged.

Most of the boys I know who were red-shirted just weren't ready socially/emotionally for kindergarten at age barely-5. they were bright kids, and not small, but I can see why their parents made the choice they did.

So twenty years ago everyone was "socially/emotionally" ready for K and now suddenly we are raising a bunch of immature little kids? Nope. It's the parents who have their issues that are putting them on their poor little kids.

It's pretty well accepted that K has changed a lot in the last 20 years, so it follows that "readiness" would also change... But I guess some people pity children whose parents wait to send them in the hopes of making them healthier and happier...

what has changed? Serious question, people always say this but I think the opposite is true. K is so dumbed down now, what is challenging? I feel sorry for the almost 7 year olds that have to sit in a class reading K level reading books and using the calendar to count, checking the weather calendar...sitting in a circle like 5 year olds. Three kids have gone through and if anything it is EASIER than it has ever been. We did the private school route for one child so he can go "on time" Sept. birthday. Other two are summer bdays and never considered holding back. Even in their correct grade the challenge is very minimal. And PP, if you think holding back is going to make your kid happier and healthier you are a complete dumb ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand holding a child back for social reasons. If you hold a child back and keep him or her with kids 1-2 years younger, you cannot complain they are immature as you are keeping them with kids who are far younger and do not have the social skills that can help them advance. Your chid will always be behind age/socially as they haven't been given the opportunity to mature and be with peers who may be what others consider more "mature."

You're right, you don't understand. Full stop.

I agree with the first PP. Plus, if the child is on-real-grade level, you are dumbing him down, forcing him to slow down academically. And then the parent may possibly be like who the OP is talking about - complain that your child is not being challenged.

I don't know what school district you are in, but in MCPS, the test to get into the gifted program (HGC) is age-normed, meaning that an older child will have to score a lot higher than a younger child to get in. So, if a parent is thinking that redshirting a child will give a child more of a chance to get into a gifted program in ES in MCPS, this is not the case. And actually, you may be hindering the chances by purposefully slowing your child down academically. A lot of bright kids will become lazy if they find school too easy. This happened to me, too.

Look, I know it is hard for you perfect moms to understand, but nobody holds back their otherwise bright kindergarten-age boy for fun, or for some kind of perceived academic or sports advantage. Outside of DCUM is just does not happen. Redshirting is a really serious decision and it usually only happens after a lot of discussion with teachers, school administration, and possibly your child's therapists. The fact that the older child sticks out and has discordant rates of development is something that nobody wants or takes lightly. If the child is bullying or acting aggressively -- yes, that is something that has to be dealt with (and probably would have been even worse if the kid wasn't redshirted). And as far as I am aware, there is no connection between redshirting and bullying -- most likely it is the redshirted child who will get bullied (just look at this thread!) But otherwise, your perfect child is not going to be harmed one iota by having a larger child in their class. I get that it's much easier to judge than to try to understand other people's reality, so no big deal. I'll just keep on trying to help my kid.

I've know a few boys who were redshirted. Several were done so for sports. This was several years ago. OP, and others, are just stating that it's quite annoying to hear a parent complain about how their kid is not being challenged, but the parent chose to redshirt the child. We're just saying... if you choose to redshirt for whatever reason, just don't complain your child is not being challenged.

I highly doubt any parent on here honestly thinks they're perfect. I sure don't. Just the other day, my DS asked me what I would like to change if we could go back in time. I said, "To be a better mom".

Kindergarten boys redshirted for sports? I seriously doubt it. Even if there is one or two mentally ill parents who do that, the vast majority of redshirting is due to academic or social skills and/or special needs.

There's something called 2E where your kid has special needs AND is still advanced in certain academic areas.

But again, y'all have proven you have no interest or compassion in figuring out why parents make this decision, so bye felicias.

are you a teenage mom? Any argument you offer is offset by your use of lame slang.

[Anonymous]

what is sad is my son who just turned 8, cannot play summer ball with all his friends. Half of them are almost nine so they need to "play up". Same in soccer. My son and his best friend can no longer play on the same club team bc he is almost 9. Try outs are in two weeks and the boys are so disappointed. They play town together but it is not the same. Seems like a small issue but kids want to be with their friends. My other son is the youngest in his class and he has to play down. So stupid.