Rude things your MIL has said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is actually a well-intentioned person, but has said rude things because she is basically a ditz that has trouble thinking through how her statements would make other people feel. Recently, she told me that she remembered me being tall and thin, but it must have just been the shoes I had on last time she saw me.

Hah, that one's funny. I'm in the same boat -- MIL is warm and generous and I like her, but she can put her foot in her mouth. One day I told her I was going to the doctor and she immediately responded, "Oh, for your face?" She was being sincere, not trying to rib me. I'm not mad at her but I never did figure out what she thought was wrong with my face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

My MIL said something similar to me the day after the wedding. The worst part was that she said it so matter of fact, as if it wasn't offensive.

DIL here whose MIL never said that but I genuinely do not understand why this is so offensive. I find that it's pretty true that most men when they marry switch their first allegiance to their wife (as they should), get involved in their new family's life (once again, as they should), and will usually take their wife's side over their mother's in any dispute (which, once again, fine). I think that statement, cliché as it is, is pretty on-point.

Well, shouldn't it be the same for the women? When they marry, shouldn't women's first allegiance be to their husband? get involved in their new family's life, and usually take their husband's side over their mother's in a dispute? the statement is cliché, but it's not on-point because it implies that wives don't make their new family a priority, but keep allegiance with their own parents.

I always thought the sentiment was something totally different than bolded above. In that case of course its offensive! I always thought it sort of meant that men tend to let the woman take the lead in extended family relationships and since the average case is that you are going to be closer to your own parents/siblings than your husband's parents (they raised you!) that the wife tends to naturally make plans and what not for her side of the family. If the husband doesn't do the same for his family (which I believe he should and I am hoping to raise my boys to understand that its on THEM to make relationships a priority, not anyone else), then he ends up with the wife's family more.

Its more about extended family time than it is about allegiance with parents vs. spouse and kids I thought.

Which I see often actually. Even in my own marriage. I try to be mindful and let DH know he should call his mom and invite her to visit, etc. but I don't feel like its my responsibility to schedule that for them ,etc. Subsequently, my parents make more firm plans often since I respond more than DH does to his mom. I hate the idea that she might feel like she "lost" a son to my family though, thus the reminders to get him to set plans, etc.

No. It has to do with the fact the women bear children and men do not. The women are assumed to be closer to the children and those children are more closely associated with the woman's family.

[Anonymous]

MIL at a brunch with my family and Dh's brothers family. She told BIL's daughter " you are my favourite DIL" when my daughter was sitting right there. Luckily she didnt hear it but i did.
The irony is that her other son and DIl really do treat her very badly and she constantly complains to us about that. We on the other hand treat her pretty well but she takes us for granted
Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fat. My MIL sent me a gift subscription to a running magazine. No, I don't run nor have I ever expressed an interest in running.

I'm fat too. My grandmother sent me anonymous subscriptions to Shape and Health (I called the company to ask why the magazines were arriving). I like to read them at dinner with my husband, who is fit; we laugh together at all the goofy workouts and the fact that Health is like 70% hair and makeup tips. Once he attempted one of the plank exercises after dinner, which was a giggle for both of us. So thanks Grandma!

[Anonymous]

Sorry that should be granddaughter not DIL. Freudian slip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't something she said, but something my MIL did that I'm just finding odd. I am 4 months pregnant, my husband is an only child and this will be her first (and only) grandchild and she's yet to either call/text/email me about the pregnancy. She and I aren't particularly close, but do reach out to each other on birthdays and when other big things happen (her companion went to hospital, so I called to check in, etc). Maybe protocol is that I should be reaching out to her as grandmother-to-be, but just struck me as odd never got even a text saying how thrilled she is at the news (which she is, according to my husband).

That wouldn't bother me at all. I don't talk to my MIl unless she's here in person, and I'd never expect her to text me. She calls and texts DH and he passes along congratulations, greetings, etc. I would be weirded out if she called me directly. Maybe it's just her style, not anything personal?

[Anonymous]

Terrible.

Mine said to me when I was in the hospital after having my first, "I weighed the same when I left the hospital after having my son as I did before I got pregnant."

She has repeated this to me many times. One of these days I'm going to present her with a trophy.

I am the above poster. She also brags about working out in the middle of the night and how she used to run stairs in the middle of the night. She also doesn't really believe in the evening meal and usually does not serve dinner when we visit.

Although one time she did serve dinner, and it was to drive to Chik Filet and buy 40 chicken strips. She has a gourmet chef's kitchen, 6 burner stove, double oven, granite all the way to the very high ceilings. Kitchen island is the size of my whole kitchen. But, does not cook, ever. They eat fruit, yogurt, Progresso soups, and bagged salad with no dressing.

[Anonymous]

PP, it sounds like she has had and still has an eating and a body image disorder. I'd kept close when your kids are with her. She will likely say some really messed up things to them.

[Anonymous]

When we bought our starter townhouse, My MIL (from small town America where she bought her house for 60k 20 years ago) asked when we would move into a "real" house.

Of course when we moved into a SFH many years later, petty me welcomed her the first time "Welcome to our first Real house!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

My MIL said something similar to me the day after the wedding. The worst part was that she said it so matter of fact, as if it wasn't offensive.

DIL here whose MIL never said that but I genuinely do not understand why this is so offensive. I find that it's pretty true that most men when they marry switch their first allegiance to their wife (as they should), get involved in their new family's life (once again, as they should), and will usually take their wife's side over their mother's in any dispute (which, once again, fine). I think that statement, cliché as it is, is pretty on-point.

Well, shouldn't it be the same for the women? When they marry, shouldn't women's first allegiance be to their husband? get involved in their new family's life, and usually take their husband's side over their mother's in a dispute? the statement is cliché, but it's not on-point because it implies that wives don't make their new family a priority, but keep allegiance with their own parents.

I always thought the sentiment was something totally different than bolded above. In that case of course its offensive! I always thought it sort of meant that men tend to let the woman take the lead in extended family relationships and since the average case is that you are going to be closer to your own parents/siblings than your husband's parents (they raised you!) that the wife tends to naturally make plans and what not for her side of the family. If the husband doesn't do the same for his family (which I believe he should and I am hoping to raise my boys to understand that its on THEM to make relationships a priority, not anyone else), then he ends up with the wife's family more.

Its more about extended family time than it is about allegiance with parents vs. spouse and kids I thought.

Which I see often actually. Even in my own marriage. I try to be mindful and let DH know he should call his mom and invite her to visit, etc. but I don't feel like its my responsibility to schedule that for them ,etc. Subsequently, my parents make more firm plans often since I respond more than DH does to his mom. I hate the idea that she might feel like she "lost" a son to my family though, thus the reminders to get him to set plans, etc.

No. It has to do with the fact the women bear children and men do not. The women are assumed to be closer to the children and those children are more closely associated with the woman's family.

OK, well I was just stating what I always thought the phrase was alluding to. I'm sure there are many interpretations, as we have seen on this thread. Even though I don't think it was meant necessarily as an insult, its still not something I would EVER think is appropriate to say on a wedding day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Terrible.

Mine said to me when I was in the hospital after having my first, "I weighed the same when I left the hospital after having my son as I did before I got pregnant."

She has repeated this to me many times. One of these days I'm going to present her with a trophy.

I am the above poster. She also brags about working out in the middle of the night and how she used to run stairs in the middle of the night. She also doesn't really believe in the evening meal and usually does not serve dinner when we visit.

Although one time she did serve dinner, and it was to drive to Chik Filet and buy 40 chicken strips. She has a gourmet chef's kitchen, 6 burner stove, double oven, granite all the way to the very high ceilings. Kitchen island is the size of my whole kitchen. But, does not cook, ever. They eat fruit, yogurt, Progresso soups, and bagged salad with no dressing.

Omg this is my dream restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is actually a well-intentioned person, but has said rude things because she is basically a ditz that has trouble thinking through how her statements would make other people feel. Recently, she told me that she remembered me being tall and thin, but it must have just been the shoes I had on last time she saw me.

Hah, that one's funny. I'm in the same boat -- MIL is warm and generous and I like her, but she can put her foot in her mouth. One day I told her I was going to the doctor and she immediately responded, "Oh, for your face?" She was being sincere, not trying to rib me. I'm not mad at her but I never did figure out what she thought was wrong with my face.

I'm sorry, but I'm LOL. This is such a bizarre thing to say and I love that you take it in stride because she's such an odd duck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is actually a well-intentioned person, but has said rude things because she is basically a ditz that has trouble thinking through how her statements would make other people feel. Recently, she told me that she remembered me being tall and thin, but it must have just been the shoes I had on last time she saw me.

Hah, that one's funny. I'm in the same boat -- MIL is warm and generous and I like her, but she can put her foot in her mouth. One day I told her I was going to the doctor and she immediately responded, "Oh, for your face?" She was being sincere, not trying to rib me. I'm not mad at her but I never did figure out what she thought was wrong with my face.

I'm sorry, but I'm LOL. This is such a bizarre thing to say and I love that you take it in stride because she's such an odd duck.

+1

OP here. I love this, too - especially your response. Teach me not to mind MIL's nasty and mindless words! The thought of her makes me cringe.

[Anonymous]

While looking at my floors 4 weeks after I had my second child, "when my kids were little, I scrubbed my kitchen floor on my hands and knees every single day"

STFU lady!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

This is an old saying OP. I wouldn't be offended at all.

So is "Revenge is a dish best served cold".

Are you so clueless as to believe that it's appropriate to say something so mean, at their wedding, just because it's an 'old saying'?

NOT OP, BTW.

It's an old saying that does not necessarily mean anything against the DIL. If my MIL had said that, I would have taken it as her need to be reassured that she is not losing her son. Geez!

+1 reading some of these posts make me dread ever becoming a mother in law . Some of you people are so touchy and sensitive.
+1 million. She was simply saying (and maybe not in the best way since clearly ds and DIL are highly offended) that she still wants to be important/needed