Rude things your MIL has said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to minimize your pain but there is actually a song about that first comment

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh9ZZgDqzAg

Anonymous wrote:Where do I begin. . . .

She's commented on how my unattractiveness is an advantage, because attractive women are too demanding as wives.

She's told me that she wished this other woman was her daughter-in-law.

She's said that everything her son does bad is my fault.

She's told me that people of my race all smell bad.


OMG. This song is so wrong on so many levels but we used to play and dance around the house to it when we were kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

This is an old saying OP. I wouldn't be offended at all.

So is "Revenge is a dish best served cold".

Are you so clueless as to believe that it's appropriate to say something so mean, at their wedding, just because it's an 'old saying'?

NOT OP, BTW.

It's an old saying that does not necessarily mean anything against the DIL. If my MIL had said that, I would have taken it as her need to be reassured that she is not losing her son. Geez!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

My MIL said something similar to me the day after the wedding. The worst part was that she said it so matter of fact, as if it wasn't offensive.

DIL here whose MIL never said that but I genuinely do not understand why this is so offensive. I find that it's pretty true that most men when they marry switch their first allegiance to their wife (as they should), get involved in their new family's life (once again, as they should), and will usually take their wife's side over their mother's in any dispute (which, once again, fine). I think that statement, cliché as it is, is pretty on-point.

Well, shouldn't it be the same for the women? When they marry, shouldn't women's first allegiance be to their husband? get involved in their new family's life, and usually take their husband's side over their mother's in a dispute? the statement is cliché, but it's not on-point because it implies that wives don't make their new family a priority, but keep allegiance with their own parents.

[Anonymous]

Here are some doozies from my MIL:

"It's great you're so funny - it hides that you're so clueless"

"You need to let [DH] pick out your living room furniture because you just don't understand what to look for"

"You go ahead and have that [food from t-giving dinner]; you're so lucky you don't worry about your appearance"

I was bedridden during my last pregnancy. Her comment?

"This is why I always make sure I'm in good shape, I never had to lounge around all day during my pregnancies"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

My MIL said something similar to me the day after the wedding. The worst part was that she said it so matter of fact, as if it wasn't offensive.

DIL here whose MIL never said that but I genuinely do not understand why this is so offensive. I find that it's pretty true that most men when they marry switch their first allegiance to their wife (as they should), get involved in their new family's life (once again, as they should), and will usually take their wife's side over their mother's in any dispute (which, once again, fine). I think that statement, cliché as it is, is pretty on-point.

Well, shouldn't it be the same for the women? When they marry, shouldn't women's first allegiance be to their husband? get involved in their new family's life, and usually take their husband's side over their mother's in a dispute? the statement is cliché, but it's not on-point because it implies that wives don't make their new family a priority, but keep allegiance with their own parents.

I always thought the sentiment was something totally different than bolded above. In that case of course its offensive! I always thought it sort of meant that men tend to let the woman take the lead in extended family relationships and since the average case is that you are going to be closer to your own parents/siblings than your husband's parents (they raised you!) that the wife tends to naturally make plans and what not for her side of the family. If the husband doesn't do the same for his family (which I believe he should and I am hoping to raise my boys to understand that its on THEM to make relationships a priority, not anyone else), then he ends up with the wife's family more.

Its more about extended family time than it is about allegiance with parents vs. spouse and kids I thought.

Which I see often actually. Even in my own marriage. I try to be mindful and let DH know he should call his mom and invite her to visit, etc. but I don't feel like its my responsibility to schedule that for them ,etc. Subsequently, my parents make more firm plans often since I respond more than DH does to his mom. I hate the idea that she might feel like she "lost" a son to my family though, thus the reminders to get him to set plans, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

This is an old saying OP. I wouldn't be offended at all.

So is "Revenge is a dish best served cold".

Are you so clueless as to believe that it's appropriate to say something so mean, at their wedding, just because it's an 'old saying'?

NOT OP, BTW.

It's an old saying that does not necessarily mean anything against the DIL. If my MIL had said that, I would have taken it as her need to be reassured that she is not losing her son. Geez!

+1 million. She was simply saying (and maybe not in the best way since clearly ds and DIL are highly offended) that she still wants to be important/needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

My MIL said something similar to me the day after the wedding. The worst part was that she said it so matter of fact, as if it wasn't offensive.

DIL here whose MIL never said that but I genuinely do not understand why this is so offensive. I find that it's pretty true that most men when they marry switch their first allegiance to their wife (as they should), get involved in their new family's life (once again, as they should), and will usually take their wife's side over their mother's in any dispute (which, once again, fine). I think that statement, cliché as it is, is pretty on-point.

Well, shouldn't it be the same for the women? When they marry, shouldn't women's first allegiance be to their husband? get involved in their new family's life, and usually take their husband's side over their mother's in a dispute? the statement is cliché, but it's not on-point because it implies that wives don't make their new family a priority, but keep allegiance with their own parents.

I always thought the sentiment was something totally different than bolded above. In that case of course its offensive! I always thought it sort of meant that men tend to let the woman take the lead in extended family relationships and since the average case is that you are going to be closer to your own parents/siblings than your husband's parents (they raised you!) that the wife tends to naturally make plans and what not for her side of the family. If the husband doesn't do the same for his family (which I believe he should and I am hoping to raise my boys to understand that its on THEM to make relationships a priority, not anyone else), then he ends up with the wife's family more.

Its more about extended family time than it is about allegiance with parents vs. spouse and kids I thought.

Which I see often actually. Even in my own marriage. I try to be mindful and let DH know he should call his mom and invite her to visit, etc. but I don't feel like its my responsibility to schedule that for them ,etc. Subsequently, my parents make more firm plans often since I respond more than DH does to his mom. I hate the idea that she might feel like she "lost" a son to my family though, thus the reminders to get him to set plans, etc.

+1

It has zero to do with "allegiance."

[Anonymous]

My MIL is actually a well-intentioned person, but has said rude things because she is basically a ditz that has trouble thinking through how her statements would make other people feel. Recently, she told me that she remembered me being tall and thin, but it must have just been the shoes I had on last time she saw me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't something she said, but something my MIL did that I'm just finding odd. I am 4 months pregnant, my husband is an only child and this will be her first (and only) grandchild and she's yet to either call/text/email me about the pregnancy. She and I aren't particularly close, but do reach out to each other on birthdays and when other big things happen (her companion went to hospital, so I called to check in, etc). Maybe protocol is that I should be reaching out to her as grandmother-to-be, but just struck me as odd never got even a text saying how thrilled she is at the news (which she is, according to my husband).

I am a DIL. I think the protocol should be that you call your MIL and tell her the news. It is your news to share. Maybe she thinks that you are waiting to announce the pregnancy and she does not want to steal your thunder.

Pick up the phone and call her.

What? Her husband already shared the news. And it's appropriate that he did that. It's his mother, and he gets to share that, yes? The MIL should contact her.

I think it's crazy how women think that just because it's his mother he has to deal with her, share news etc. she is part of your family now too. I want my husband to have a relationship with my mother. I also want to welcome my mil into my family. Why do we have to have a go in between. It's insane. Unless the mil has done something really mean I don't see why the husband had to be involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't something she said, but something my MIL did that I'm just finding odd. I am 4 months pregnant, my husband is an only child and this will be her first (and only) grandchild and she's yet to either call/text/email me about the pregnancy. She and I aren't particularly close, but do reach out to each other on birthdays and when other big things happen (her companion went to hospital, so I called to check in, etc). Maybe protocol is that I should be reaching out to her as grandmother-to-be, but just struck me as odd never got even a text saying how thrilled she is at the news (which she is, according to my husband).

I am a DIL. I think the protocol should be that you call your MIL and tell her the news. It is your news to share. Maybe she thinks that you are waiting to announce the pregnancy and she does not want to steal your thunder.

Pick up the phone and call her.

What? Her husband already shared the news. And it's appropriate that he did that. It's his mother, and he gets to share that, yes? The MIL should contact her.

I think it's crazy how women think that just because it's his mother he has to deal with her, share news etc. she is part of your family now too. I want my husband to have a relationship with my mother. I also want to welcome my mil into my family. Why do we have to have a go in between. It's insane. Unless the mil has done something really mean I don't see why the husband had to be involved.

Yeah tried that and guess what -- she is a bag full of crazy. Now DH deals with his parents almost exclusively. He and I fight a lot less as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Accidentally embedded my post in the quote. Damn iphone.

I am the PP to whom you responded. The MIL said she would buy a glider, and said the one that was chosen was too expensive. So, the choices are to pick a cheaper one, or the couple buy it themselves. To complain because the MIL didn't want to spend what the DIL wanted her to spend is entitled, in my opinion. Maybe I'm wrong. If it were my MIL, I would have started a dialogue about what she wanted to spend/ how much is acceptable, and worked with that. It could be that MIL doesn't have current info about what these things cost. The DIL could always supplement some of her own money to buy the glider she wants, while still appreciating the gift rather than complaining about things not going exactly her way.

+1

+2

Take whatever the ILs' budget is and supplement it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are some doozies from my MIL:

"It's great you're so funny - it hides that you're so clueless"

"You need to let [DH] pick out your living room furniture because you just don't understand what to look for"

"You go ahead and have that [food from t-giving dinner]; you're so lucky you don't worry about your appearance"

I was bedridden during my last pregnancy. Her comment?

"This is why I always make sure I'm in good shape, I never had to lounge around all day during my pregnancies"

Terrible.

Mine said to me when I was in the hospital after having my first, "I weighed the same when I left the hospital after having my son as I did before I got pregnant."

She has repeated this to me many times. One of these days I'm going to present her with a trophy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.

This is an old saying OP. I wouldn't be offended at all.

So is "Revenge is a dish best served cold".

Are you so clueless as to believe that it's appropriate to say something so mean, at their wedding, just because it's an 'old saying'?

NOT OP, BTW.

It's an old saying that does not necessarily mean anything against the DIL. If my MIL had said that, I would have taken it as her need to be reassured that she is not losing her son. Geez!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are some doozies from my MIL:

"It's great you're so funny - it hides that you're so clueless"

"You need to let [DH] pick out your living room furniture because you just don't understand what to look for"

"You go ahead and have that [food from t-giving dinner]; you're so lucky you don't worry about your appearance"

I was bedridden during my last pregnancy. Her comment?

"This is why I always make sure I'm in good shape, I never had to lounge around all day during my pregnancies"

Terrible.

Mine said to me when I was in the hospital after having my first, "I weighed the same when I left the hospital after having my son as I did before I got pregnant."

She has repeated this to me many times. One of these days I'm going to present her with a trophy.

Don't waster your money. Instead, just stand up and start a slow clap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are some doozies from my MIL:

"It's great you're so funny - it hides that you're so clueless"

"You need to let [DH] pick out your living room furniture because you just don't understand what to look for"

"You go ahead and have that [food from t-giving dinner]; you're so lucky you don't worry about your appearance"

I was bedridden during my last pregnancy. Her comment?

"This is why I always make sure I'm in good shape, I never had to lounge around all day during my pregnancies"

Terrible.

Mine said to me when I was in the hospital after having my first, "I weighed the same when I left the hospital after having my son as I did before I got pregnant."

She has repeated this to me many times. One of these days I'm going to present her with a trophy.

Don't waster your money. Instead, just stand up and start a slow clap.

+1

OMG. PP, wouldn't this be hilarious? And wouldn't MIL so deserve this? Holy crap. We support you, you are not alone!