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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She told my husband "when a son marries, a mother loses a son, when a daughter marries a mother gains a son". On the way to church on our wedding day.

I hate her guts for doing this.[/quote]

My MIL said something similar to me the day after the wedding.  The worst part was that she said it so matter of fact, as if it wasn't offensive. [/quote]

DIL here whose MIL never said that but I genuinely do not understand why this is so offensive. I find that it's pretty true that most men when they marry switch their first allegiance to their wife (as they should), get involved in their new family's life (once again, as they should), and will usually take their wife's side over their mother's in any dispute (which, once again, fine). I think that statement, cliché as it is, is pretty on-point.[/quote]

Well, shouldn't it be the same for the women?  When they marry, shouldn't women's first allegiance be to their husband? get involved in their new family's life, and usually take their husband's side over their mother's in a dispute?  the statement is cliché, but it's not on-point [b]because it implies that wives don't make their new family a priority, but keep allegiance with their own parents[/b].[/quote]

I always thought the sentiment was something totally different than bolded above. In that case of course its offensive! I always thought it sort of meant that men tend to let the woman take the lead in extended family relationships and since the average case is that you are going to be closer to your own parents/siblings than your husband's parents (they raised you!) that the wife tends to naturally make plans and what not for her side of the family. If the husband doesn't do the same for his family (which I believe he should and I am hoping to raise my boys to understand that its on THEM to make relationships a priority, not anyone else), then he ends up with the wife's family more.

Its more about extended family time than it is about allegiance with parents vs. spouse and kids I thought.

Which I see often actually. Even in my own marriage. I try to be mindful and let DH know he should call his mom and invite her to visit, etc. but I don't feel like its my responsibility to schedule that for them ,etc. Subsequently, my parents make more firm plans often since I respond more than DH does to his mom. I hate the idea that she might feel like she "lost" a son to my family though, thus the reminders to get him to set plans, etc.[/quote]

No.  It has to do with the fact the women bear children and men do not.  The women are assumed to be closer to the children and those children are more closely associated with the woman's family.  [/quote]

OK, well I was just stating what I always thought the phrase was alluding to. I'm sure there are many interpretations, as we have seen on this thread. Even though I don't think it was meant necessarily as an insult, its still not something I would EVER think is appropriate to say on a wedding day! [/quote]

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