Top private (Sidwell, GDS) versus top public (JKLM) for early years: what are the differences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I get that you want to sound earnest, but you come across as smug and self-righteous. These are attitudes I'd hope to avoid.

Referring to PP at 17:16.

I disagree. PP at 17:16, thank you for your thoughtful and detailed discussion. I have many of the same thoughts/concerns. My background is not nearly as illustrious; I've got a lot of Stanford baggage, but since I was raised in California, less of the East Coast knowledge of/concern with names/prestige. Notwithstanding my parents Exeter/Stanford pedigree, I went to excellent public schools all the way through. And I absolutely appreciate the exposure to different types, different backgrounds, ethnicities. I had jobs (retail, restaurant), beginning as soon as I could - even now, 30 years later, I marvel at the people I met, the different realities I saw. It still stuns me that kids these days for the most part don't work. (Other than unpaid internships). That (early, menial) work experience is invaluable, in my opinion. So, turn to now - we have our child at Brent - public on Capitol Hill - it has been phenomenal (currently in K). But the writing is on the wall -our public middle school S.U.C.K.S. So, not going to happen. But I have great concerns (similar to yours) about private school. We absolutely can easily afford it. But, generally (I hold out hope for CHDS, which I hear is "different') don't want to, for many of the same reasons you have articulated. Our child is young - we shall see! But, ideally NOT private, if we can find a good public option.

God, I hope this is a parody.

Sadly I'm afraid not.

You are right! Not a parody - but I guess also not written for YOU (since you apparently are not wresting with these issues) -just a commiseration (from my lowly, non-Hamptons second home perspective ) with 17:16 (who was excoriated above).
I do love DCUM anonymity - you are mad at me/upset by what I wrote. Like I care. Doesn't mean what I wrote is untrue.

And, not totally unrelated to OP's original thread, which at heart has to do with "differences" between public and private.

There are a ton of Brent kids in my 5th grader's class at BASIS - coming from JKLM, I did not even know where Brent was! I do stay in my own lane on DCUM - way too much. Had to find Brent. Basis is a great school, especially for kids who are good at math and science. May be tougher to get into by the time your kiddo gets around to playing the lottery, but maybe by then there will be more charter options. Coolest thing was first friend my kid made turned out to be the child of an older sister of a classmate from my private school here! Much smaller world, that, never forget the last names, the families.... anyway, Brent appears now to be a feeder for BASIS and we love the kids from Brent....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is pretty interesting. OP asked a particular question looking for some concrete differences between two small groups of schools and looks like there are definitely some public school parents with a big old insecurity complex and chip on their shoulder who need to communicate their righteous values to go public (even though or if they could afford private, of course)... Even after OP and a few PPs remind ppl what OP is specifically asking about! If you know specific differences, tell us!! Those of us that are trying to decide between a private our child was accepted to (which we clearly don't have a moral problem with or we would not have applied), or our local public would like to know!! No need to convince us of your values, or get all defensive!

From the one who was pissed all over. Well, I guess you are now changing the thread to "if finances are not an issue, what would you do? - JKLM or private from the start?" which I don't think was the reason for the original question. We started at a JKLM, thought about private schools my family had gone to, STA, NCS, Sidwell, GDS, etc, and what we knew of what they were like now. That includes the incredible increase in tuition, which meant that many of my smart classmates returning to the area could not afford to send their smart kids to their old schools at all, or could only do so after going to JKLM up until 6th grade (legacy plus intelligence means admission, I have never seen it fail once), and that the tuition increase also seemed to be a game changer overall in terms of who goes to these schools - you either have to be diverse, a legacy, or uber rich or uber smart, friends who had been forced to pull legacies due to bullying, and the fact that most of the parents who were sending their second (or third) generation kids there were not parents I liked when we were classmates, and therefore not families we would want to spend much time with now, and the fact that quite a few of the private school crowd I went to school with whom I still consider friends, who have returned to this area, have opted for public when money was no object, granted, some of them not in DC, but nonetheless, we felt sufficiently secure as part of an opt out movement so that we started in public and before JKLM ended we found a charter school that we strongly believe offers a better (albeit less well rounded) education for our kids without all the social BS and with a strong dose of diversity (not international, and not superficial - meaning a token black kid in every class) and opted for Basis as opposed to private school or what other private school alums here are doing, which is sending their kids to Deal and Wilson (we actually will know kids who are applying to college in two years from Wilson). I cannot say what we would have done otherwise because I felt Deal was too large, but I strongly advise that all parents thinking about private schools spend enough time in the private school forum to get a healthy dose of the issues surrounding handbags (look up the thread if you are a mom, it blew my mind), social climbing, money that parents feel is extorted in addition to tuition, bullying, and in the later years acquaintance rape (STA and NCS) and eating disorders before they decide to put their children into that environment, because if they found it the least bit stressful as children (we did not), for the sake of their children, they might want to reconsider and move out of DC. Finally, there are a not insignificant number of educated parents who feel that their children have a better chance at getting into the college they most desire from public DC schools as opposed to private DC schools. I do not know whether or not this is true but it is certainly a factor that any motivated parent should consider. We did not find any differences in the early years that we felt we were not compensating for as a family, and what we heard from parents at the private schools did not make us change our minds - if anything, in some private schools, the assumption is so strong that the parents are teaching the children at home that they seem to move a bit slower academically. So that is my completely on topic two cents. My three cents are somewhere above and have thankfully been acknowledged by some people as being from a thoughtful parent who cares deeply about her children's education, and have been pissed all over by a bunch who sound like they would fit right in as private school parents, so now I think they need to consider the well being of their children. If you did not grow up here, did not know the private school population then vs now, really take the time to read all the nastiness on the private school forum and acknowledge the reality that these are very small communities, so at least some of the vipers posting will be the parents of your children's peers, and then make an informed decision weighing all the nastiness and honesty that comes out in an anonymous forum vs the mental, physical, emotional, and academic well being of your child, the values you want them to grow up with, whether they will lose their faith if they go to an (on the surface) school of a faith you hold dear but that does not embody the principles of that faith, and all the other factors.... Are our friends from our HYP undergrad years correct that their kids will have better odds at getting into the college they want to from Wilson than Sidwell? I don't know, but quite a few of them honestly believe this premise, so it seems worthy of a bit of investigation.....Yale or Jail....

oMG, please stop . . Just the sheer length of this gives me a headache. Isn't one page long post enough on this topic?

not when it is followed by a specific lecture from a dictatorial parent (not OP) who wants everyone to stay on topic, ending with the observation that parents who send their kids to public school when they have the means to do otherwise have what was it? A huge chip and insecurities on their shoulders? Sorry, you just got schooled, sista

Not either of those posters, just someone who finds these long repetitive posts over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is pretty interesting. OP asked a particular question looking for some concrete differences between two small groups of schools and looks like there are definitely some public school parents with a big old insecurity complex and chip on their shoulder who need to communicate their righteous values to go public (even though or if they could afford private, of course)... Even after OP and a few PPs remind ppl what OP is specifically asking about! If you know specific differences, tell us!! Those of us that are trying to decide between a private our child was accepted to (which we clearly don't have a moral problem with or we would not have applied), or our local public would like to know!! No need to convince us of your values, or get all defensive!

Yup, weird how people are willing to paint all privates with a broad brush of "elitist". And then feel it necessary to lay outntheirnown pedigree in painful detail. Lack of self awareness, I guess.

The fact is, if you grew up here and came back, and went private, you know what they were like then and if you are still talking to your former community you know what most of them are kinda like now. But DCUM will give you the down low nasty underbelly of every private school mom and their handbag obsessions

[Anonymous]

The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

Very well put. This is why we are not doing private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is pretty interesting. OP asked a particular question looking for some concrete differences between two small groups of schools and looks like there are definitely some public school parents with a big old insecurity complex and chip on their shoulder who need to communicate their righteous values to go public (even though or if they could afford private, of course)... Even after OP and a few PPs remind ppl what OP is specifically asking about! If you know specific differences, tell us!! Those of us that are trying to decide between a private our child was accepted to (which we clearly don't have a moral problem with or we would not have applied), or our local public would like to know!! No need to convince us of your values, or get all defensive!

Huh? You are the one being defensive here. We've given you the evidence and you've ignored it. I don't give a toss if you want to waste your money just so that you can feel comfortable at the country club. Whether you can afford it or not, some of us don't agree with throwing money around unnecessarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

I haven't read this whole thread, but I nearly pulled my three children out of private this year for financial reasons. Your post is interesting to me because I think the opposite is true. My children's small private school is a place where the teachers are all super engaged. From day one, my children were taught only one religious lesson: God love you, We love each other. The code of ethics that my children are learning at their school is so valuable to me. Their school is helping to create what kind of humans they will become.

Their school plays a pivotal role in developing their moral compass. The self-esteem has been bolstered by the school because it is so small, and they get so much individual attention, and because their teachers can really get to know them and their needs.

I haven't spent too much time on the other forum, but from what I've seen of this thread, it's pretty defensive and nasty.

OP, here's what I think. If you can afford it, go private. Your kids will get so much more personalized attention. It will be easier for you - the school returns calls immediately, etc. You can make dismissal changes on the fly, which is critical if you can work. The AfterCare options are usually wonderful.

Your children will get more than DOUBLE the number of specials: music, art, science, language. Tons more outdoor time. They don't teach to tests.

I could go on and on. If you can do it, do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I get that you want to sound earnest, but you come across as smug and self-righteous. These are attitudes I'd hope to avoid.

Referring to PP at 17:16.

I disagree. PP at 17:16, thank you for your thoughtful and detailed discussion. I have many of the same thoughts/concerns. My background is not nearly as illustrious; I've got a lot of Stanford baggage, but since I was raised in California, less of the East Coast knowledge of/concern with names/prestige. Notwithstanding my parents Exeter/Stanford pedigree, I went to excellent public schools all the way through. And I absolutely appreciate the exposure to different types, different backgrounds, ethnicities. I had jobs (retail, restaurant), beginning as soon as I could - even now, 30 years later, I marvel at the people I met, the different realities I saw. It still stuns me that kids these days for the most part don't work. (Other than unpaid internships). That (early, menial) work experience is invaluable, in my opinion. So, turn to now - we have our child at Brent - public on Capitol Hill - it has been phenomenal (currently in K). But the writing is on the wall -our public middle school S.U.C.K.S. So, not going to happen. But I have great concerns (similar to yours) about private school. We absolutely can easily afford it. But, generally (I hold out hope for CHDS, which I hear is "different') don't want to, for many of the same reasons you have articulated. Our child is young - we shall see! But, ideally NOT private, if we can find a good public option.

God, I hope this is a parody.

Sadly I'm afraid not.

It's got to be a joke. Good luck to her in terms of getting her kid in anywhere once the schools meet her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I get that you want to sound earnest, but you come across as smug and self-righteous. These are attitudes I'd hope to avoid.

Referring to PP at 17:16.

NP here. For crying out loud. You're beyond "smug and self-righteous." I'd insert other words here, but then I'd be playing your game. Not going to stoop to your level.

17:16 - thanks for your candor and thoughtfulness. I expect that lots of nastiness is going to be heaped on you, because there seem to be a vocal crew of people on here who hiss and piss at anyone who pauses to question the assumption that sending your kids to private school is automatically for the best. But please know that I for one thank you many many times over for your heartfelt message. You sound like a wonderful parent, and a wonderful person.

Agree. Thank you 17:16 for your detailed and thoughtful response. We don't have your type of family money but I share your reasoning for sending my kids to public schools.

+1 I think you are spot on, 17:16. And not at all smug or self-righteous. It also took courage to post something like this on DCUM, because it challenges the conventional wisdom of this board. So, thank you.

[Anonymous]

I went to a "big 3" private and also plan to avoid private schools for many of the reasons the PP mentioned. I had my people in high school, but the wealth and entitled behavior of some of the kids was pretty awful. Then again, it's probably basically the same type of parents/kids at JKLM these days...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not whether you have a "moral problem" with sending your child to private school per se, but whether said child will emerge without a moral compass, or having had their self esteem shredded, both of which lead to different types of "problems" in the future.

All I am saying is go in with eyes wide open. And to be WIDE OPEN, you should spend some time on the private schools DCUM forum, since you have been on here for a while, and compare the conversations.... for the sake of your child(ren)

I haven't read this whole thread, but I nearly pulled my three children out of private this year for financial reasons. Your post is interesting to me because I think the opposite is true. My children's small private school is a place where the teachers are all super engaged. From day one, my children were taught only one religious lesson: God love you, We love each other. The code of ethics that my children are learning at their school is so valuable to me. Their school is helping to create what kind of humans they will become.

Their school plays a pivotal role in developing their moral compass. The self-esteem has been bolstered by the school because it is so small, and they get so much individual attention, and because their teachers can really get to know them and their needs.

I haven't spent too much time on the other forum, but from what I've seen of this thread, it's pretty defensive and nasty.

OP, here's what I think. If you can afford it, go private. Your kids will get so much more personalized attention. It will be easier for you - the school returns calls immediately, etc. You can make dismissal changes on the fly, which is critical if you can work. The AfterCare options are usually wonderful.

Your children will get more than DOUBLE the number of specials: music, art, science, language. Tons more outdoor time. They don't teach to tests.

I could go on and on. If you can do it, do it.

All of the above holds true at my child's FREE public school. IN fact, the "returning calls" part isn't even relevant as I get through to whoever I need to speak to immediately. I'm not complexly sure what "dismissal changes on the fly" means but if it's deciding whether or not you want to sign your kid up for aftercare or not on the fly then, yes, we get to do that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I get that you want to sound earnest, but you come across as smug and self-righteous. These are attitudes I'd hope to avoid.

Referring to PP at 17:16.

I disagree. PP at 17:16, thank you for your thoughtful and detailed discussion. I have many of the same thoughts/concerns. My background is not nearly as illustrious; I've got a lot of Stanford baggage, but since I was raised in California, less of the East Coast knowledge of/concern with names/prestige. Notwithstanding my parents Exeter/Stanford pedigree, I went to excellent public schools all the way through. And I absolutely appreciate the exposure to different types, different backgrounds, ethnicities. I had jobs (retail, restaurant), beginning as soon as I could - even now, 30 years later, I marvel at the people I met, the different realities I saw. It still stuns me that kids these days for the most part don't work. (Other than unpaid internships). That (early, menial) work experience is invaluable, in my opinion. So, turn to now - we have our child at Brent - public on Capitol Hill - it has been phenomenal (currently in K). But the writing is on the wall -our public middle school S.U.C.K.S. So, not going to happen. But I have great concerns (similar to yours) about private school. We absolutely can easily afford it. But, generally (I hold out hope for CHDS, which I hear is "different') don't want to, for many of the same reasons you have articulated. Our child is young - we shall see! But, ideally NOT private, if we can find a good public option.

God, I hope this is a parody.

Sadly I'm afraid not.

It's got to be a joke. Good luck to her in terms of getting her kid in anywhere once the schools meet her.

What is your problem? What is wrong with what PP said? It's her view and her experience. I don't get your hostility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a "big 3" private and also plan to avoid private schools for many of the reasons the PP mentioned. I had my people in high school, but the wealth and entitled behavior of some of the kids was pretty awful. Then again, it's probably basically the same type of parents/kids at JKLM these days...

My DH and I both went to elite private schools in NYC and New England prep schools and our kid attends a language immersion charter for elementary school. However, we'll be sending him to private school for middle onwards. Our charter feeds into DCI and while I'm sure it may turn into a good school in the future, it's never going to be in same caliber educationally as the big 3 for middle school or Exeter, etc. for HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a "big 3" private and also plan to avoid private schools for many of the reasons the PP mentioned. I had my people in high school, but the wealth and entitled behavior of some of the kids was pretty awful. Then again, it's probably basically the same type of parents/kids at JKLM these days...

My DH and I both went to elite private schools in NYC and New England prep schools and our kid attends a language immersion charter for elementary school. However, we'll be sending him to private school for middle onwards. Our charter feeds into DCI and while I'm sure it may turn into a good school in the future, it's never going to be in same caliber educationally as the big 3 for middle school or Exeter, etc. for HS.

Why on earth would you expect a new charter to be like Exeter?

This entire thread is the most surreal thing. You are all crazy.

[Anonymous]

Meaning, newer than Exeter that is...