Would you allow your child to marry or date outside your culture or religion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly, none of you have/had first generation immigrant parents. The pressure was real in my house. Now, my parents couldn’t force me to marry within my religion bc of my age, but I did bc I wanted to and I found the right guy. 25 years and counting….

If your strong in your religion or care how your (eventual) kids are raised, it can very much matter. That doesn’t make anyone a racist.

I will continue to disagree with you. These folks are absolutely racist.

This happens in many communities with strong religious affiliation. Have you not met any Jewish families? While there are obviously inter-faith marriages, I know plenty of people who strongly discourage dating/marrying out of their faith. My friend's sister was disowned for marrying a non-Jew. For a Muslim to marry a non-Muslim, the non-Muslim has to agree to convert.

I could never be friends with someone who would disown their kids over this. But I very much doubt those people would want to be friends with me either.

I’m not Jewish but most of the Jews I know felt the pressure to marry a Jew or have their partner convert to Judaism.

+1 Are they all racists? I also know plenty of Christians who wouldn't marry non-Christians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be friends with people who are racist, so this wouldn't be coming up in a carpool.

You have no idea how 'racist' some groups of immigrants are, it would blow your mind.

Live in Queens NY and other outskirts of mid NYC and on you’ll be able to tell who’s Albanian, who’s Greek, who’s Armenian in one part of the city. Jamaicans in another area. The new immigrants usually stay in their own neighborhoods. Easier to communicate and buy the food you like.

Americans like to claim that they don’t see color. The rest of the world does but that doesn’t mean the young ones don’t mingle and get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Anyone who needs permission of their parents to pick whom to marry, isn't ready to get married so this os a moot question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be fine with it, but I have no control over who my child marries.

This^. I've no problem with but its not my decision to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly, none of you have/had first generation immigrant parents. The pressure was real in my house. Now, my parents couldn’t force me to marry within my religion bc of my age, but I did bc I wanted to and I found the right guy. 25 years and counting….

If your strong in your religion or care how your (eventual) kids are raised, it can very much matter. That doesn’t make anyone a racist.

I am first generation, dad came over when he was 5, and I didn't marry within my religion, and wouldn't dream of telling my kids who to marry or who not to marry. Hopefully they find a loving, kind, respectful partner - that's all I hope for

[Anonymous]

Immigrant, Muslim and South Asian but no my grown adults kids don't need me to allow or ban whom they want to marry. They are old enough to decide how they want to live their lives.

[Anonymous]

"allow" is an ugly word.

[Anonymous]

People have fear different, no matter its race, religion, culture, socioeconomic class, nationality, ethnicity, caste, denomination, political affiliation etc. Most do want their kids to find least hurdles in married life hence they prefer if kids stay in the bubble. However, most actually are accepting of choices of their adult kids, partly because they develop more trust for kid's sensibilities as adults and partly because they don't want to push kids away.

[Anonymous]

So clearly everyone rings their own cultural bias into this question.

Wanting to marry someone who shares a common interest with you- like religion or culture or food or language- is not racist. What a weird use of that word. Do you also call a woman sexist if she wants to marry a man only? Same logic.

Similar question recently in the college board- interesting honest discussion there.

[Anonymous]

New immigrants are often scared of all the stories about infidelity, drugs, debt, abuse, crime, drinking problems, crazy families, bankruptcies, divorce etc among locals. It leads to their reluctance to gamble on something so risky.

[Anonymous]

Allow? It's not up to me. They're adults who will decide who they'll marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So clearly everyone rings their own cultural bias into this question.

Wanting to marry someone who shares a common interest with you- like religion or culture or food or language- is not racist. What a weird use of that word. Do you also call a woman sexist if she wants to marry a man only? Same logic.

Similar question recently in the college board- interesting honest discussion there.

Good analogy but majority of unhappy marriages and divorces happen among partners of same backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So clearly everyone rings their own cultural bias into this question.

Wanting to marry someone who shares a common interest with you- like religion or culture or food or language- is not racist. What a weird use of that word. Do you also call a woman sexist if she wants to marry a man only? Same logic.

Similar question recently in the college board- interesting honest discussion there.

I don’t think you quite get it. The family demands have little to do either with “interest”—it’s literally about not wanting your kid to marry someone whose skin is darker, whose mom is not Jewish, etc etc. These bigoted parents prefer a particular ethnicity over a shared intellectual interest or common cultural passion.

[Anonymous]

If you send your kids to stand in rain, they are more likely to get wet. If you raise your kids in a country as a minority, they are more likely to find their partners among majority. If you are too afraid, raise them in countries where you are in majority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Nope. Most people I know are in some sort of “across the lines” marriage or family.