Failed my test

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Paying for food you eat in public is demeaning to you?
Keeping score is a fail on your test, but by very definition you're keeping score.
You suck.

Of course it’s demeaning for a woman if she pays for food that a man allegedly generously ordered himself for the date. How is that be even a question?

If he was my colleague - different thing. But even male colleagues usually pay at lunch

This is inappropriate. Unless you give them handies in the supply closet later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you really need to work on your writing/communication skills. Sounds like you were testing him for gender roles (he should split bill) but then are p*ssed that he did since he ordered more than you PLUS you have a $30 limit on first day cost.

If that is the case, then you are contradicting yourself.

I don’t have a “limit” on the bill cost. That’s what was the typical max bill for a man at first dates with me in the past.
No my test was if he would decline my offer to split and insist on paying himself as the man who invites and chose all items on the menu while I only asked for a $10 drink. I’m not comfortable paying for a man for food - taking out credit card, everyone watching me sign the check etc. I do split other expenses in LTR
I prefer when a man follows standard gender roles

So your test is whether someone can read your mind? This man dodged a bullet.

No the test is whether someone knows and follows dating etiquette and willing to show he prefers to follow standard gender roles in relationship

I’m shocked you are single! You sound too immature to date. Work on setting boundaries and communicating effectively and then start dating again.

I don’t owe a guy communicating standard boundaries for the first date. He should be well aware of them if he wants to secure a 2nd date.

I presume he’s not that interested and will move on

Yes, it sounds like he wasn't very interested at all. You must not be very pretty.

<cue protests of how OP is a 120 lb, 5' 9" natural blonde with perky 32DDs> :roll:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.

And had to get drunk to even get through the date with OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.

You’re not compatible. Move on.

I don’t think it’s an idiotic test. I was taught by my mother “a decent woman always offers to split and a decent men always politely declines at 1st date”. So far, it helped me to weed out people with hidden intentions of using me or keeping score in relationships

This. On the other hand, if you are dating a lot and on a budget, it puts you in a vulnerable position if you don't actually want to pay, so there is something to be said for just letting him pick up the bill and not offering.

[Anonymous]

Lame troll thread. Again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

Yes, you're wrong. Grown ups open their mouths and ask for what they want.
You're playing games and are manipulative.

That guy dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Don’t offer to pay half of you don’t want to, and don’t give in to physical advances if you don’t want to.

You’re the problem here. He’s not a mind reader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.

You’re not compatible. Move on.

I don’t think it’s an idiotic test. I was taught by my mother “a decent woman always offers to split and a decent men always politely declines at 1st date”. So far, it helped me to weed out people with hidden intentions of using me or keeping score in relationships

How is this working out for you? You’re still single so….

[Anonymous]

I e dated men who insisted on treating and men who split and it made ZERO difference in the outcomes. Traders ghosted, splitters are still dear friends, they happened to move away. One splitter housed Afghan refugees in his home, and you can’t get much more generous than that.

Your system/test is done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.

You’re not compatible. Move on.

I don’t think it’s an idiotic test. I was taught by my mother “a decent woman always offers to split and a decent men always politely declines at 1st date”. So far, it helped me to weed out people with hidden intentions of using me or keeping score in relationships

How is this working out for you? You’re still single so….

It's such a BS test! People aren't mind readers. On a first date, I would expect to split the bill. If I offered to split the bill, I would accept the guy to say "yes," because he respects that I am an adult who makes her own decisions and who can financially provide for herself.

[Anonymous]

You have (secret) tests? You sound like a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

You sound EXHAUSTING as f***, he dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like OP. I think the kind of men want are the stupid ones..those dumb men who fall the old gender roles are being taken to the cleaners. These modern women like OP pick and choose what they like from the traditional gender roles. If he picks up the fan on the first day will you do his laundry on a consistent basis when you are dating? Will you cook for him on a consistent basis? Will you clean the place on the consistent basis while he watches TV? These are the things that our mothers who were working just like our dads did. The modern woman isn't signing up for this sh**t I am sure lol. She just wants to pick and choose. Men are like a buffet pick and choose what you like.

OP here: I was doing all listed above while working and making the same money as my exH. I don’t mind doing laundry for the household if he’s more busy at work and if he’s a true alpha in restaurant and in bed.

You did the laundry, cleaned your house and cooked while each of you pulled in $500k? I call BS. You would have outsourced those at that income.

It's pretty clear OP is a major troll. These posts pop up every now and then just to stir the pot.

Yes, I would say she's that very odd Eastern European woman, but I think her English is too good to be that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.

this.

man who goes on many many dates

coz i'm hot and rich

when i want to get in her panties, i always pay 101% even if she insists to split

when i'm feeling ugh, i'm like sure you wanna split it? go right ahead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.

this.

man who goes on many many dates

coz i'm hot and rich

when i want to get in her panties, i always pay 101% even if she insists to split

when i'm feeling ugh, i'm like sure you wanna split it? go right ahead

OP here: yes, I know how men think (assign mental "hotness scores" to women). Your post above confirms I should use the test to figure early on where I stand for him, and not waste my time for being someone's temporary pillow talk