do you let friends stay at your second home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many people on DCUM just assume that others have bad intentions, including their close friends. That's weird to me. It's clear that OP doesn't want to let her friends stay there because she perceives that they're asking for a monetary gift (which I don't see, but whatever), and will dig her heels in farther and farther any time there is pushback. So you do you, OP. I think it will be awkward this way, but you seem prepared to deal with that.

I think the friends made it awkward.

+1 Same. You can tell who does not own a second home, by their responses. For instance, cleaning fees alone, during season are about $500. (no, I won't divulge where). This may be difficult for non-owners to grasp, especially since some people are of the "Robin Hood" mindset. It beats paying full rental price, but takers don't see it that way.

You really can't tell, because I'm one of the people who lets friends use our beach place. I couldn't tell you what cleaning fees are, because we do that ourselves (we're frugal, not rich). People often leave us gift cards for local restaurants, which is lovely, but not expected.

[Anonymous]

And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

+1 Agree. You can't just let it open to whomever and let the elves take over, that is not how it works. Some of us have an actual job to get to on the daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many people on DCUM just assume that others have bad intentions, including their close friends. That's weird to me. It's clear that OP doesn't want to let her friends stay there because she perceives that they're asking for a monetary gift (which I don't see, but whatever), and will dig her heels in farther and farther any time there is pushback. So you do you, OP. I think it will be awkward this way, but you seem prepared to deal with that.

I think the friends made it awkward.

+1 Same. You can tell who does not own a second home, by their responses. For instance, cleaning fees alone, during season are about $500. (no, I won't divulge where). This may be difficult for non-owners to grasp, especially since some people are of the "Robin Hood" mindset. It beats paying full rental price, but takers don't see it that way.

You really can't tell, because I'm one of the people who lets friends use our beach place. I couldn't tell you what cleaning fees are, because we do that ourselves (we're frugal, not rich). People often leave us gift cards for local restaurants, which is lovely, but not expected.

Wow you must have a lot of time and money to travel back and forth and take time off like that. Good for you!?

[Anonymous]

I’m really surprised at people asking friends for the cleaning fee.
To share your second home with somebody is such a gracious gesture and asking for $100 is cheap. I think most people would remember the lovely gift you gave and pay you back in some appropriate way when the time was right, with a kindness of their own. But maybe not if they felt that they had already been asked to pay you, regardless of the fact that the actual price is much higher. You are sort of devaluing your own gift to your friends. And yeah, some people won’t or can’t ever repay the favor and that has to be ok too.

I'm one who lets friends and families use our home when we are not there, but we do ask them to pay the cleaning fee. I'm shocked that anyone would think that means we are devaluing what we are giving. Houses similar to ours rent for more than $15,000 a week in season. We are paying for a/c, water, pool service, home supplies, etc. How is it possibly asking too much from someone whom we are letting use our home for a virtually free vacation to pay the cleaning fee at the end of their week? If someone offered this deal to me, I would jump on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many people on DCUM just assume that others have bad intentions, including their close friends. That's weird to me. It's clear that OP doesn't want to let her friends stay there because she perceives that they're asking for a monetary gift (which I don't see, but whatever), and will dig her heels in farther and farther any time there is pushback. So you do you, OP. I think it will be awkward this way, but you seem prepared to deal with that.

I think the friends made it awkward.

+1 Same. You can tell who does not own a second home, by their responses. For instance, cleaning fees alone, during season are about $500. (no, I won't divulge where). This may be difficult for non-owners to grasp, especially since some people are of the "Robin Hood" mindset. It beats paying full rental price, but takers don't see it that way.

You really can't tell, because I'm one of the people who lets friends use our beach place. I couldn't tell you what cleaning fees are, because we do that ourselves (we're frugal, not rich). People often leave us gift cards for local restaurants, which is lovely, but not expected.

Wow you must have a lot of time and money to travel back and forth and take time off like that. Good for you!?

I have a F/T job at a nonprofit. If friends use our place, we deal with any cleanup the next time we go.

If it's really that much of an ordeal, you have the wrong friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It just feels weird that we’re not there with them. I can’t explain it.
We would not charge them.

Is it because in the back of your head you are now wondering if the house is the only reason they are friends with you, and you feel used?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It just feels weird that we’re not there with them. I can’t explain it.
We would not charge them.

Is it because in the back of your head you are now wondering if the house is the only reason they are friends with you, and you feel used?

We do lots of things with them. Spent a lot of time together. We invite them to the house several times a year.
This is the first time they've asked to use it without us. We've had it 9 years and don't extend the "use it anytime" invitation except to our own kids,
and that's during the off season.

[Anonymous]

We lend our place to friends. They always offer to pay, and I don't make our close friends pay. But everyone has always taken good care of it. We rent it out too, so I don't really see a difference.

[Anonymous]

We did before but don't do it anymore. Our beach house is not a rental so it is only used by us and a few times over the years by my parents. In the past we've let friends use it but it always ended up awkward - friends leaving food in the refrigerator so I would have to have our cleaners go deal with it or I would have to make the drive. Also, people started having an expectation that they could use it the same weeks every year. Finally, we just said no consistently until everyone has stopped asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m really surprised at people asking friends for the cleaning fee.
To share your second home with somebody is such a gracious gesture and asking for $100 is cheap. I think most people would remember the lovely gift you gave and pay you back in some appropriate way when the time was right, with a kindness of their own. But maybe not if they felt that they had already been asked to pay you, regardless of the fact that the actual price is much higher. You are sort of devaluing your own gift to your friends. And yeah, some people won’t or can’t ever repay the favor and that has to be ok too.

The cleaning fee where we are is $300. It's a big house and cleaning fees have gone up the last few years. We don't have a year round cleaner, we do it seasonally and then a few more times during the year after we've used the house. So this would be an additional expense, not an offset to a fee we were already paying. Running the heat or AC is already a cost, I'm not absorbing someone's cleaning fee too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did before but don't do it anymore. Our beach house is not a rental so it is only used by us and a few times over the years by my parents. In the past we've let friends use it but it always ended up awkward - friends leaving food in the refrigerator so I would have to have our cleaners go deal with it or I would have to make the drive. Also, people started having an expectation that they could use it the same weeks every year. Finally, we just said no consistently until everyone has stopped asking.

That is just it, and exactly how you can tell one or two of the PP's do not actually have a rental house - because if they are so familiar and so "generous" - any little thing that is left behind, or not closed up properly, could end up being a big deal. We don't need to spell every possibility out for you - if you have a second home, you are supposedly already familiar.

Unless that second home is literally next door to your first home (and even then), then yes, it is time and money and travel and time off that the owner has to factor in, or you have to pay the caretaker to go in and make sure that (random thing that friend did not deem "important" enough, because lazy) is taken care of. Your benefit of using the house does not nearly offset our costs of you doing so - so there is no reason to take on the extra time, effort, expense, etc. The place has to have a professional clean - that is how we do things. Actually, the one person I know who would ask also has cleaners at their house, so they of all people should know. LOL.

You are not owed anything by anyone, and by the time you are a grown adult, especially one with a family, you should certainly know and abide by this simple fact of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You let strangers stay in your lake house so clearly it’s not an issue of privacy.

You invited these friends to stay in your lake house so clearly they are decent people. Presumably you’d rent the place to them?

So you just don’t want to share your property with friends who are close enough to vacation with, even though it’s sitting empty on this weekend they asked to go.

That’s one kind of way to be in this world.

+1

In their defense, they charge their own (adult) children for the cleaning service.

Weird.

Fwiw, you might want to consider how they will feel about you when you turn them down.

[Anonymous]

We use our friend’s vacation home periodically. We always pay the cleaning fee, but the husband let it slip that I leave their place cleaner than the actual cleaning service…so they don’t schedule a cleaning after we stay.

I always buy a huge pack of paper towels and TP that I leave behind. Plus fancy hand soap and shampoo/conditioner/body wash. My friend says they look forward to seeing what I leave behind.

Having said all that, we are the only friends they let use their place. They stopped renting it out many years ago, but they still let us use it because we are excellent guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You let strangers stay in your lake house so clearly it’s not an issue of privacy.

You invited these friends to stay in your lake house so clearly they are decent people. Presumably you’d rent the place to them?

So you just don’t want to share your property with friends who are close enough to vacation with, even though it’s sitting empty on this weekend they asked to go.

That’s one kind of way to be in this world.

+1

In their defense, they charge their own (adult) children for the cleaning service.

Weird.

Fwiw, you might want to consider how they will feel about you when you turn them down.

heck yes. I absolutely need the house clean so it can rent. My kids are adults and gladly pay the fee. I offered that if they left it as clean as they found it they wouldn't have to bother with the cleaner but all of them want the cleaner to do it and are happy to pay. I mean, why should I pay for that?

I think I'm considering how I feel about them. They put us in an awkward situation.