Do you think I’m an alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to point out, and this point is relevant in this thread and in others where folks discuss dry January or other related conversations about rate of alcohol use:

Most people who drink 'one' drink per day at home are not, in fact, consuming only one unit of alcohol. Perhaps yes if they drink a bottled beer or bottled hard cider. But most people who drink wine and spirits in mixed drinks or even neat do not measure their units of alcohol to match the units being considered by health professionals when giving guidance on usage.

I've spend a lot of years around drinkers. Very, very rarely ever seen a wine drinker's single glass of wine being an actual single unit of wine, much more likely one glass a day wine drinkers are actually drinking two units of wine every day.

This is all true, but I'm going to take OP at her word that she drinks one drink a day. Introducing what you've observed about other people isn't really relevant here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post really brought out the defensive alcoholics and folx with an alcohol use disorder!

As well as the paranoid children of alcoholics and the people who are deeply unhappy with the idea that someone, somewhere, is having fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to point out, and this point is relevant in this thread and in others where folks discuss dry January or other related conversations about rate of alcohol use:

Most people who drink 'one' drink per day at home are not, in fact, consuming only one unit of alcohol. Perhaps yes if they drink a bottled beer or bottled hard cider. But most people who drink wine and spirits in mixed drinks or even neat do not measure their units of alcohol to match the units being considered by health professionals when giving guidance on usage.

I've spend a lot of years around drinkers. Very, very rarely ever seen a wine drinker's single glass of wine being an actual single unit of wine, much more likely one glass a day wine drinkers are actually drinking two units of wine every day.

You sure are paying a lot of attention to what others drink. You sound like a dry drunk yourself.

PP sounds nothing like a "dry drunk" and you sound unhinged and are paying way too much attention to random DCUM posts looking for opportunities to be aggressive.

And just what are you doing, Miss Hall Monitor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest reading “quit like a woman” and see what you think after that. Fascinating book and it’s also funny. while on paper, one drink a day may not seem like an issue, I would take a look at your relationship with alcohol, how it feels if you can’t have it one day, are you thinking about what time you’re going to have it each day, and even how you’re feeling meeting with a friend and feeling like you want or need (don’t want put words in your mouth) to have one. Our culture thinks going out to dinner or meeting up with a friend means drinks but it really doesn’t have to. I drink but I have significantly reduced and changed my relationship with alcohol.

Based on an inexpert book that you read and fell for hook, line and sinker.

DP, but what a weird and defensive response.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Her lone daily drink is probably more like a couple heavy pours and slurred speech if her husband is truly concerned she’s an alcoholic.

He’s probably seeing the unnecessary costs as well. Daily drinking isn’t cheap.

No one is slurring their speech from one glass of wine, no matter how heavy the pour was. You people are absurd.

The point being she isn’t just having one glass a night.

ICYMI: the teetotaler partners of those who drink each night tend to see the reality while the drinker sugarcoats the truth.

PSA: Those who drink every night in their 20s/30s/40s tend to become alcoholics (in fact, they already are by their 30s). And it gets harder to quit as you age.

I’m going to need some citations for these claims.

Go ask your husband, op.

He’s either legit concerned about your daily habit or maybe he’s just annoyed by your weekly bill at the beer and wine store?

How old are your kids? Maybe he’s starting to worry about what your kids are observing when mommy has her special juice?

Ha, I’m not OP. Why on earth would you assume that? And I take it that you cannot back up your statements. You’re just another Carrie Nation pearl-clutcher. Dismissed.

I’ve just seen several women struggle with alcoholism and related health ailments despite being highly functional alcoholics. Their partners saw the real deal while the women were rather adept at denial.

Very few people only have one drink a night. It’s almost always a heavy pour followed by more drinks.

Like I said, her husband might be seeing something that truly worries him.

Or he just might be annoyed at how much money they piss away each week on wine.

Or maybe they have kids and one of the kids noticed something or asked about it.

If mommy can’t pick up the kids from ballet because she’s had a couple drinks or if she can’t take care of a sick kid in the middle of the night because she’s buzzed or passed out, then a partner has every right to be concerned.

If the husband is reading the latest data on cancer (behind BC) and the latest regarding the impact of giving up drinking altogether, then it makes sense he would ask her to quit.

PS - Defending the drinker rather than the concerned spouse speaks volumes.

NP. I married into a European family. They all — like all of them — have a small glass of red wine at dinner. Sometimes in the summer they switch the glass of red wine for an Aperol spritz. But it is always one small glass. I know this intimately; I buy the alcohol and store it for the ones I live with. I see the usage pattern. The older generation all lived to 90 and 100.

I really despise this American insistence that nobody can actually have a small glass of wine a day and that’s it. It’s absolutely ridiculous and stupid. I think it is messaging that comes from alcoholics who want to believe everyone has a use disorder so they don’t feel so bad about themselves but it’s completely absurd.

Also I drink maybe twelve times a year. I don’t like the taste of alcohol very much but I do occasionally like a glass of white wine that’s had spritzer added in the summer.

I’m not sure the drinking habits of your elderly European relatives is the same as young suburban soccer moms.

Ever been in the expectant moms forum of dcum? ICYMI: women regularly post that their ob is cool with them having small drinks occasionally each week. Can you imagine drinking during pregnancy? Lemme guess: all your elderly European relatives did and it’s totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The first thing that each oncologist will ask you when you get cancer is: do you drink? And how much? Then followed with: do you smoke?

I worked in hematology-oncology. Alcohol and tobacco use are absolutely asked and quantified. Family history and other habits are also documented.

In the big picture- alcohol is not healthy.

Also, in general, medical folks assume that people underreport their alcohol use.

This.

When a patient says they only have one drink a night, the doctor assumes you are a daily drinker who doesn’t pour a legit serving and rarely stops at one drink.

Just saying.

That’s okay, I assume doctors are liars with terrible health habits as well. I used to work in a hospital and saw them chowing down on cheeseburgers and fries, and smoking outside the side entry doors. And let’s not get started on how many doctors abuse prescription meds, shall we? They’ve got no room to judge.

[Anonymous]

You are a daily drinker. It's like someone who takes drugs daily. They are not addicts, they are daily users.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post really brought out the defensive alcoholics and folx with an alcohol use disorder!

As well as the paranoid children of alcoholics and the people who are deeply unhappy with the idea that someone, somewhere, is having fun.

Paranoid isn't the general condition/emotion of adult children of alcoholics. Look up cptsd, then you'll be on the right track and, perhaps, gain understanding of why some acoc don't drink at all.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would prove him wrong and no drink.

This. Give it 30 days without one drink. If you can do it, you're not an alcoholic.

This is wrong. 15 years age my brother almost drank himself to death at 40, and then stopped when he miraculously recovered instead of dying. He hasn't touched it since. But he is, and will always be, an alcoholic.

Whoa Whoa WHOA! What OP is doing is NOT "drinking herself to death" Can you not read?

Let’s try it another way so maybe you can be less reactive and understand it. My husband stopped drinking six years ago. Never for the rest of his life will he say this means that he is “not an alcoholic.” Because he is an alcoholic whether he is drinking or not. He’s in recovery—but he’s still an alcoholic. If OP consumes no alcohol for 30 days, it doesn’t prove that she is “not an alcoholic.” It proves that she didn’t consume alcohol for 30 days.

I've already self-corrected and apologized for my post - I thought I was responding to what OP was saying. I did not expand on the previous conversation that I was directly responding to hence my error. Seems like you may have done the same thing.

You're right, I did. However, I do think the point is worth making explicitly: having a substance use disorder is about more than just whether the substance is actively being consumed; it's even about more than whether the substance is consumed daily or not.

If OP in fact is alcohol-dependent and/or has an alcohol use disorder, she needs more than just cessation for 30 days to prove to her husband (who might be a rational concerned spouse or might be a controlling whack job or anywhere in between--we haven't heard from her again) that she can. She needs treatment.

If she's not alcohol-dependent and/or doesn't have a substance use disorder and cessation for 30 days is just to prove something to a spouse...well I guess the question is why the spouse thinks this proves anything. See above.

It's never a bad choice to be a non-drinker, but leaping to DCUM-level shaming of people's initial descriptions of their own situations is rarely a good choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t have a drinking problem. I truly have one drink exactly and fall asleep. I can easily switch out the liquid in my glass for something non-alcoholic. I love and respect my husband, and if he thinks even one glass a day is putting my health at risk, then I need to reevaluate my daily habit. He wants me around for as long as possible and our friend’s recent breast cancer Diagnosis really scared him. Somebody referenced a 7% increased chance of getting breast cancer if you drink alcohol, and I have no idea if that is accurate, but even if it’s a 2% chance I think it’s worth stopping to alleviate his fears. It’s coming from a place of love even though him using the word “alcoholic” was misplaced and not accurate IMO.

I appreciate the feedback here and it’s obvious that I just need to stop for a while. I will order a Mocktail when going out with my friend. Done. Thank you for the feedback.

Thanks for checking back in, OP. I replied way upthread - didn't identify myself as sober, but after many years of alcohol addiction I have been sober for almost 16 months.

This next part is not personally directed at you, but just my experience if anyone finds it helpful or a wake up call:

I went from a glass of wine a night in my early 30's to two bottles a night in my late 40's. At the end I was starting to drink vodka instead of wine (very bad sign according to the folks in my addiction group). Like I said - this isn't directed at OP. Just posting it as an example of a habit within published limits that can into an addiction. I knew long before I would admit it to myself that I had a problem. And then when I admitted it to myself, my husband, my parents, and my kids it still took years to quit. So just be careful with your drinking people. I don't know it all by any means - I will always answer posts on this board if you post you are struggling. Happy New Year to all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If OP in fact is alcohol-dependent and/or has an alcohol use disorder, she needs more than just cessation for 30 days to prove to her husband (who might be a rational concerned spouse or might be a controlling whack job or anywhere in between--we haven't heard from her again) that she can. She needs treatment.

Oh--she has been back! And she says she loves and respects him, and she is prepared to accept his concerns regarding the 7% increased risk of breast cancer. So: it's all good. Cool your jets, DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Seems like we are missing the other side of the story. I can’t imagine a rational person caring if their spouse has one glass of wine a night. It signals to me that it’s not just one glass (what do you do with the rest of the bottle?) or he’s a controlling jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like we are missing the other side of the story. I can’t imagine a rational person caring if their spouse has one glass of wine a night. It signals to me that it’s not just one glass (what do you do with the rest of the bottle?) or he’s a controlling jerk.

You know there’s this thing called a wine pump? You can drink as much or as little of a bottle as you want, and the rest will keep.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Her lone daily drink is probably more like a couple heavy pours and slurred speech if her husband is truly concerned she’s an alcoholic.

He’s probably seeing the unnecessary costs as well. Daily drinking isn’t cheap.

No one is slurring their speech from one glass of wine, no matter how heavy the pour was. You people are absurd.

The point being she isn’t just having one glass a night.

ICYMI: the teetotaler partners of those who drink each night tend to see the reality while the drinker sugarcoats the truth.

PSA: Those who drink every night in their 20s/30s/40s tend to become alcoholics (in fact, they already are by their 30s). And it gets harder to quit as you age.

I’m going to need some citations for these claims.

Go ask your husband, op.

He’s either legit concerned about your daily habit or maybe he’s just annoyed by your weekly bill at the beer and wine store?

How old are your kids? Maybe he’s starting to worry about what your kids are observing when mommy has her special juice?

Ha, I’m not OP. Why on earth would you assume that? And I take it that you cannot back up your statements. You’re just another Carrie Nation pearl-clutcher. Dismissed.

I’ve just seen several women struggle with alcoholism and related health ailments despite being highly functional alcoholics. Their partners saw the real deal while the women were rather adept at denial.

Very few people only have one drink a night. It’s almost always a heavy pour followed by more drinks.

Like I said, her husband might be seeing something that truly worries him.

Or he just might be annoyed at how much money they piss away each week on wine.

Or maybe they have kids and one of the kids noticed something or asked about it.

If mommy can’t pick up the kids from ballet because she’s had a couple drinks or if she can’t take care of a sick kid in the middle of the night because she’s buzzed or passed out, then a partner has every right to be concerned.

If the husband is reading the latest data on cancer (behind BC) and the latest regarding the impact of giving up drinking altogether, then it makes sense he would ask her to quit.

PS - Defending the drinker rather than the concerned spouse speaks volumes.

NP. I married into a European family. They all — like all of them — have a small glass of red wine at dinner. Sometimes in the summer they switch the glass of red wine for an Aperol spritz. But it is always one small glass. I know this intimately; I buy the alcohol and store it for the ones I live with. I see the usage pattern. The older generation all lived to 90 and 100.

I really despise this American insistence that nobody can actually have a small glass of wine a day and that’s it. It’s absolutely ridiculous and stupid. I think it is messaging that comes from alcoholics who want to believe everyone has a use disorder so they don’t feel so bad about themselves but it’s completely absurd.

Also I drink maybe twelve times a year. I don’t like the taste of alcohol very much but I do occasionally like a glass of white wine that’s had spritzer added in the summer.

I’m not sure the drinking habits of your elderly European relatives is the same as young suburban soccer moms.

Ever been in the expectant moms forum of dcum? ICYMI: women regularly post that their ob is cool with them having small drinks occasionally each week. Can you imagine drinking during pregnancy? Lemme guess: all your elderly European relatives did and it’s totally fine.

Why do you assume I was talking only about elderly relatives? They all drink, all ages, in very limited quantities, including the ones who live here.

You sound like you are the one with a severe problem, to be honest. The fact you refuse to acknowledge the reality that it is in fact entirely possible to live a healthy life with one small glass of red wine daily is a sign of deeply disordered thinking. Do you come from a background of severe alcoholism? Why such rigidity of thinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post really brought out the defensive alcoholics and folx with an alcohol use disorder!

As well as the paranoid children of alcoholics and the people who are deeply unhappy with the idea that someone, somewhere, is having fun.

Paranoid isn't the general condition/emotion of adult children of alcoholics. Look up cptsd, then you'll be on the right track and, perhaps, gain understanding of why some acoc don't drink at all.

It’s fine that they don’t drink. But some of the ones posting in this thread aren’t satisfied with that, they want everyone not to drink, ever, or consider them alcoholic. That’s deeply disordered.