Do you think I’m an alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

If this request to stop drinking is part of a pattern of her husband trying to control her behavior, that is a bigger problem. Perhaps he is just concerned with her health and this is a legitimate request. Or perhaps he does this with other things as well. Only the OP knows which camp this falls into. Either way, she needs to reflect on whether she may be over indulging, or her husband has a control problem. Maybe the OP can come back and provide more context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first thing that each oncologist will ask you when you get cancer is: do you drink? And how much? Then followed with: do you smoke?

I worked in hematology-oncology. Alcohol and tobacco use are absolutely asked and quantified. Family history and other habits are also documented.

In the big picture- alcohol is not healthy.

Also, in general, medical folks assume that people underreport their alcohol use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for most of the days of 2023, I had exactly one drink every night: either a glass of wine or a hard cider. My husband told me as my new years resolution I should give up alcohol because he thought I was “becoming an alcoholic.” That startled me because it never occurred to me that one drink a day would be considered being an alcoholic, so I have not had any alcohol since January 1 to prove to him I don’t need it. I am going out with a girlfriend this week who I have not seen in months and I asked him if he thinks it would be OK for me to have a glass of wine or am I going back to my “alcoholism” kind of in jest honestly. He said he thinks I should continue dry January or he’ll continue to be concerned about my alcohol consumption.
I want to respect his concerns, and I also want to show him that I do not need alcohol in my life as I am not dependent on it. How would you respond to your husband in the situation? Thanks.

If you're already thinking about your next drink, you may be more attached to alcohol than you think. Why do you need to drink with your friend? Why was your approach to the conversation snarky "jest" instead of honest communication?

Yes to all the other posters raising red flags about your husband perhaps being controlling af, but let's separate that out for a second and stay on OP's topic.

OP, if you can't go 30 days w/o thinking this much about when you're gonna drink next, you may have an alcohol use issue. If you're not dependent on it and don't need it to socialize, you wouldn't have asked, you'd have had a mocktail with your friend and moved on about your business.

A LOT of people have an alcohol use issue. You probably won't get great advice here; alcoholics don't tend to want others to quit because it invites us to look at our own alcohol use and that can be unpleasant.

-sober 6+ years

Would you say this same thing to someone who has coffee every day and wants to quit but has one here and there within 30 days? Or after-dinner dessert? Nobody can quit a habit that easily and it doesn't mean it's a problem. I feel very unpleasant when I stop and look at my sugar misuse, do you?

Do you whatabout everything, or just your alcohol habits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first thing that each oncologist will ask you when you get cancer is: do you drink? And how much? Then followed with: do you smoke?

I worked in hematology-oncology. Alcohol and tobacco use are absolutely asked and quantified. Family history and other habits are also documented.

In the big picture- alcohol is not healthy.

Also, in general, medical folks assume that people underreport their alcohol use.

I don't drink alcohol at all. I haven't for over 20 years, not due to a drinking problem, but moreso because I don't like it. Would you assume I was lying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Cake doesn't lower inhibitions and impair judgement.

Neither does a glass of wine, unless you are a seventh grader.

Serious question: do you ever find yourself abstaining while everyone else is drinking? Because that’s me at most work functions: I’m the sober one who doesn’t have a drink so I can drive, etc. And everyone pretty much turns into an entertaining embarrassment pretty quickly. (These are affluent white collar professionals with big DC jobs ranging in age from 40-65+, not greenhorns. It’s obvious by their drinks that they are longtime drinkers. And they get buzzed and inappropriate pretty fast.

I know you. You’re the one no one wants to spend time with at parties. You clutch your seltzer and want to talk about the pitch meeting next week instead of literally anything but work.

Lolz

Not quite.

All I’m suggesting is you try being the sober one at a business dinner or happy hour. You’ll quickly discover how easy it is for people to look foolish after only one or two drinks. It will make you be more careful with your own drinking with coworkers/clients.

I’m sober all the time at happy hours and business dinners and I don’t see this at all. You seem like the worst type of person to be at a social event, though — an inveterate nasty gossip.

[Anonymous]

A drink a day is too much. I’d not drink at home for a while but nothing wrong with a glass or two occasionally when you go out. Your entire body will thank you.

[Anonymous]

This post really brought out the defensive alcoholics and folx with an alcohol use disorder!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to point out, and this point is relevant in this thread and in others where folks discuss dry January or other related conversations about rate of alcohol use:

Most people who drink 'one' drink per day at home are not, in fact, consuming only one unit of alcohol. Perhaps yes if they drink a bottled beer or bottled hard cider. But most people who drink wine and spirits in mixed drinks or even neat do not measure their units of alcohol to match the units being considered by health professionals when giving guidance on usage.

I've spend a lot of years around drinkers. Very, very rarely ever seen a wine drinker's single glass of wine being an actual single unit of wine, much more likely one glass a day wine drinkers are actually drinking two units of wine every day.

You sure are paying a lot of attention to what others drink. You sound like a dry drunk yourself.

PP sounds nothing like a "dry drunk" and you sound unhinged and are paying way too much attention to random DCUM posts looking for opportunities to be aggressive.

[Anonymous]

A lot depends upon the size of the glass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post really brought out the defensive alcoholics and folx with an alcohol use disorder!

I drink maybe four times a year and I think you are being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So for most of the days of 2023, I had exactly one drink every night: either a glass of wine or a hard cider. My husband told me as my new years resolution I should give up alcohol because he thought I was “becoming an alcoholic.” That startled me because it never occurred to me that one drink a day would be considered being an alcoholic, so I have not had any alcohol since January 1 to prove to him I don’t need it. I am going out with a girlfriend this week who I have not seen in months and I asked him if he thinks it would be OK for me to have a glass of wine or am I going back to my “alcoholism” kind of in jest honestly. He said he thinks I should continue dry January or he’ll continue to be concerned about my alcohol consumption.
I want to respect his concerns, and I also want to show him that I do not need alcohol in my life as I am not dependent on it. How would you respond to your husband in the situation? Thanks.

How many ounces of alcohol a day?

Many think they are drinking 1 glass of wine a day but in fact are drinking 2-1/2 glasses per day due to the supersized glasses on the market now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first thing that each oncologist will ask you when you get cancer is: do you drink? And how much? Then followed with: do you smoke?

I worked in hematology-oncology. Alcohol and tobacco use are absolutely asked and quantified. Family history and other habits are also documented.

In the big picture- alcohol is not healthy.

Also, in general, medical folks assume that people underreport their alcohol use.

I don't drink alcohol at all. I haven't for over 20 years, not due to a drinking problem, but moreso because I don't like it. Would you assume I was lying?

No. If people say they don’t drink at all, I assume that is true (except when it is teenagers/college kids in front of their parents- especially if it is the parent answering).

For those that that do drink, as mentioned previously, what someone considers one drink can be more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to point out, and this point is relevant in this thread and in others where folks discuss dry January or other related conversations about rate of alcohol use:

Most people who drink 'one' drink per day at home are not, in fact, consuming only one unit of alcohol. Perhaps yes if they drink a bottled beer or bottled hard cider. But most people who drink wine and spirits in mixed drinks or even neat do not measure their units of alcohol to match the units being considered by health professionals when giving guidance on usage.

I've spend a lot of years around drinkers. Very, very rarely ever seen a wine drinker's single glass of wine being an actual single unit of wine, much more likely one glass a day wine drinkers are actually drinking two units of wine every day.

You sure are paying a lot of attention to what others drink. You sound like a dry drunk yourself.

PP sounds nothing like a "dry drunk" and you sound unhinged and are paying way too much attention to random DCUM posts looking for opportunities to be aggressive.

I don’t drink at all at work events or happy hours. Never, ever, and I would agree with the assessment of the PP as a “dry drunk.” The close policing of the behavior of others, the careful monitoring of alcohol consumption of others, the nasty judgment, the gossip: that’s all characteristic of a “dry drunk.” I have very rarely noted what other people are drinking; the only exceptions being when I decline to order a bottle or whatever. Or sometimes if there is a large bill and I’m not excluded with my tonic water lol. But otherwise, the PPs behavior is very weird and obsessive, and doesn’t seem healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not and frankly, the opinion of DCUM is not relevant. Your husband, who lives with you and loves you, expressed concern. I would take that to heart and reconsider your drinking habits.

I guarantee if her husband told her to stop her dessert-a-day habit, you would say it's none of his business, how insensitive. And there is zero difference, health-wise, between having a piece of cake every day versus a glass of wine every day. They are equally risk-elevating--and neither remotely a death sentence.

Cake doesn't lower inhibitions and impair judgement.

Neither does a glass of wine, unless you are a seventh grader.

Serious question: do you ever find yourself abstaining while everyone else is drinking? Because that’s me at most work functions: I’m the sober one who doesn’t have a drink so I can drive, etc. And everyone pretty much turns into an entertaining embarrassment pretty quickly. (These are affluent white collar professionals with big DC jobs ranging in age from 40-65+, not greenhorns. It’s obvious by their drinks that they are longtime drinkers. And they get buzzed and inappropriate pretty fast.

I know you. You’re the one no one wants to spend time with at parties. You clutch your seltzer and want to talk about the pitch meeting next week instead of literally anything but work.

Lolz

Not quite.

All I’m suggesting is you try being the sober one at a business dinner or happy hour. You’ll quickly discover how easy it is for people to look foolish after only one or two drinks. It will make you be more careful with your own drinking with coworkers/clients.

I’m sober all the time at happy hours and business dinners and I don’t see this at all. You seem like the worst type of person to be at a social event, though — an inveterate nasty gossip.

Does an anonymous post on dcum equate to gossip? Hmm…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first thing that each oncologist will ask you when you get cancer is: do you drink? And how much? Then followed with: do you smoke?

I worked in hematology-oncology. Alcohol and tobacco use are absolutely asked and quantified. Family history and other habits are also documented.

In the big picture- alcohol is not healthy.

Also, in general, medical folks assume that people underreport their alcohol use.

This.

When a patient says they only have one drink a night, the doctor assumes you are a daily drinker who doesn’t pour a legit serving and rarely stops at one drink.

Just saying.