Giving up on Gentle Parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

I’m not that pp but I think what they mean is that this is what happens in reality, not what gentle parenting actually endorses. Gentle parenting is incredibly, horrifically exhausting. I DO hold those firm boundaries and calmly physically force my toddler to do essential things she doesn’t want to do ( hands washing, diaper change, etc). Your choices are endure a physical struggle and screaming while you “Help” a screaming, crying child 15-20 times a day or give up and avoid conflict and only do things you know your kid won’t fight because you dread the struggle (permissive parenting). I persevere but it’s very, very hard and involves gritting my teeth and smiling through tantrums literally all day long. I totally understand why parents aren’t up for it. Gentle parenting tells us kids will get with the program and stop tantruming over every no and every transition. Ya well some don’t. Ever. Gentle parenting has no answers for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

I’m not that pp but I think what they mean is that this is what happens in reality, not what gentle parenting actually endorses. Gentle parenting is incredibly, horrifically exhausting. I DO hold those firm boundaries and calmly physically force my toddler to do essential things she doesn’t want to do ( hands washing, diaper change, etc). Your choices are endure a physical struggle and screaming while you “Help” a screaming, crying child 15-20 times a day or give up and avoid conflict and only do things you know your kid won’t fight because you dread the struggle (permissive parenting). I persevere but it’s very, very hard and involves gritting my teeth and smiling through tantrums literally all day long. I totally understand why parents aren’t up for it. Gentle parenting tells us kids will get with the program and stop tantruming over every no and every transition. Ya well some don’t. Ever. Gentle parenting has no answers for this.

NP- I mean so what is the alternative to this? Screaming at a three year old? Explain how non gentle parenting strategies work better here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

I’m not that pp but I think what they mean is that this is what happens in reality, not what gentle parenting actually endorses. Gentle parenting is incredibly, horrifically exhausting. I DO hold those firm boundaries and calmly physically force my toddler to do essential things she doesn’t want to do ( hands washing, diaper change, etc). Your choices are endure a physical struggle and screaming while you “Help” a screaming, crying child 15-20 times a day or give up and avoid conflict and only do things you know your kid won’t fight because you dread the struggle (permissive parenting). I persevere but it’s very, very hard and involves gritting my teeth and smiling through tantrums literally all day long. I totally understand why parents aren’t up for it. Gentle parenting tells us kids will get with the program and stop tantruming over every no and every transition. Ya well some don’t. Ever. Gentle parenting has no answers for this.

NP- I mean so what is the alternative to this? Screaming at a three year old? Explain how non gentle parenting strategies work better here.

DP. Tell them to stop. Tell them No when appropriate and require them to deal with it. When they are tantruming, they can do it in their room and come out when they are ready to behave. This is how you teach children proper behavior and self control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

I’m not that pp but I think what they mean is that this is what happens in reality, not what gentle parenting actually endorses. Gentle parenting is incredibly, horrifically exhausting. I DO hold those firm boundaries and calmly physically force my toddler to do essential things she doesn’t want to do ( hands washing, diaper change, etc). Your choices are endure a physical struggle and screaming while you “Help” a screaming, crying child 15-20 times a day or give up and avoid conflict and only do things you know your kid won’t fight because you dread the struggle (permissive parenting). I persevere but it’s very, very hard and involves gritting my teeth and smiling through tantrums literally all day long. I totally understand why parents aren’t up for it. Gentle parenting tells us kids will get with the program and stop tantruming over every no and every transition. Ya well some don’t. Ever. Gentle parenting has no answers for this.

NP- I mean so what is the alternative to this? Screaming at a three year old? Explain how non gentle parenting strategies work better here.

“If you’re too tired to behave, you’ll have to go to bed (or to your room).”

I’m a pretty regulated parent and I rarely yell. But it’s simply not true in my opinion that kids will stop tantruming as a result. I’ve gotten better results from the above script.

It’s not that I don’t empathize, as it is important. But sometimes in life you have to tolerate distress and stop with the screaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

I’m not that pp but I think what they mean is that this is what happens in reality, not what gentle parenting actually endorses. Gentle parenting is incredibly, horrifically exhausting. I DO hold those firm boundaries and calmly physically force my toddler to do essential things she doesn’t want to do ( hands washing, diaper change, etc). Your choices are endure a physical struggle and screaming while you “Help” a screaming, crying child 15-20 times a day or give up and avoid conflict and only do things you know your kid won’t fight because you dread the struggle (permissive parenting). I persevere but it’s very, very hard and involves gritting my teeth and smiling through tantrums literally all day long. I totally understand why parents aren’t up for it. Gentle parenting tells us kids will get with the program and stop tantruming over every no and every transition. Ya well some don’t. Ever. Gentle parenting has no answers for this.

I want to be with you on this, but I don’t think any of the gentle parenting gurus would say “okay just keep doing the thing that is torture forever.” That’s not gentle to anyone. If you have a kid who has higher needs than average, you may well need more/different strategies than the standard. No one would say the correct answer is yelling or spanking. There are lots of people out there with strategies for kids who have varying needs. Why get stuck being mad at the starting point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

that link indeed describes a no-punishment permissive style: “The only thing we can do, as parents, about what children say, is to 1) nurture connected, empathic relationships with our children, so that they feel concern when we are genuinely distressed about a behavior, and 2) not react to their words, so as to give them undue power. That’s it. The rest is all them.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

Agree. Gentle parents basically accept bad behavior because they do not believe in punishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

I’m not that pp but I think what they mean is that this is what happens in reality, not what gentle parenting actually endorses. Gentle parenting is incredibly, horrifically exhausting. I DO hold those firm boundaries and calmly physically force my toddler to do essential things she doesn’t want to do ( hands washing, diaper change, etc). Your choices are endure a physical struggle and screaming while you “Help” a screaming, crying child 15-20 times a day or give up and avoid conflict and only do things you know your kid won’t fight because you dread the struggle (permissive parenting). I persevere but it’s very, very hard and involves gritting my teeth and smiling through tantrums literally all day long. I totally understand why parents aren’t up for it. Gentle parenting tells us kids will get with the program and stop tantruming over every no and every transition. Ya well some don’t. Ever. Gentle parenting has no answers for this.

NP- I mean so what is the alternative to this? Screaming at a three year old? Explain how non gentle parenting strategies work better here.

“If you’re too tired to behave, you’ll have to go to bed (or to your room).”

I’m a pretty regulated parent and I rarely yell. But it’s simply not true in my opinion that kids will stop tantruming as a result. I’ve gotten better results from the above script.

It’s not that I don’t empathize, as it is important. But sometimes in life you have to tolerate distress and stop with the screaming.

I honestly consider myself to do gentle parenting and even fail towards permissive but I don’t understand how enforcing rest periods would violate gentle parenting. That’s setting a clear expectation. If you then say “hey, I can tell from your behavior that you’re too tired to play Candyland right now. We need to take a 15 minute rest break in your room. I know you don’t want to take a break right now but I get to decide this as the parent. Do you want to walk upstairs or do you need me to carry you?” To me that IS gentle parenting. Flipping over the Candyland board and yelling “go to your room!” is not gentle parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

DP. The commonality for all “gentle parenting” is the rejection of standard punishments like time-outs. Sometimes “natural consequences” are permitted but the concept is so vague that the “natural consequence” is either exactly what a mainstream child psychologist would recommend (eg taking away a toy being thrown) or bizarrely out of sync with the behavior (like the PP who suggested forcing a kid to eat off a dirty plate for days as a “natural consequence” for not clearing the plate.)

Some “gentle parent” advocates also reject even positive behavioral incentives because that “treats the child like a dog.”

So the gravamen of “gentle parenting” is that it rejects the positive and negative consequence behavioral shaping that is the cornerstone of almost all mainstream clinical practice for dealing with challenging child behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

I’m not that pp but I think what they mean is that this is what happens in reality, not what gentle parenting actually endorses. Gentle parenting is incredibly, horrifically exhausting. I DO hold those firm boundaries and calmly physically force my toddler to do essential things she doesn’t want to do ( hands washing, diaper change, etc). Your choices are endure a physical struggle and screaming while you “Help” a screaming, crying child 15-20 times a day or give up and avoid conflict and only do things you know your kid won’t fight because you dread the struggle (permissive parenting). I persevere but it’s very, very hard and involves gritting my teeth and smiling through tantrums literally all day long. I totally understand why parents aren’t up for it. Gentle parenting tells us kids will get with the program and stop tantruming over every no and every transition. Ya well some don’t. Ever. Gentle parenting has no answers for this.

NP- I mean so what is the alternative to this? Screaming at a three year old? Explain how non gentle parenting strategies work better here.

Three is old enough for a lot of kids to respond to a behavior chart/token system.

[Anonymous]

OP, are ou still reading? How are you?

People have really gone ALL IN on philosophical debates while glossing over the fact that OP was SUICIDAL and perhaps in need of inpatient care.

[Anonymous]

I think trying to follow a specific type of parenting is the downfall of many. Most parenting styles have pros and cons and you figure out a mismatch of what works for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

I’m not that pp but I think what they mean is that this is what happens in reality, not what gentle parenting actually endorses. Gentle parenting is incredibly, horrifically exhausting. I DO hold those firm boundaries and calmly physically force my toddler to do essential things she doesn’t want to do ( hands washing, diaper change, etc). Your choices are endure a physical struggle and screaming while you “Help” a screaming, crying child 15-20 times a day or give up and avoid conflict and only do things you know your kid won’t fight because you dread the struggle (permissive parenting). I persevere but it’s very, very hard and involves gritting my teeth and smiling through tantrums literally all day long. I totally understand why parents aren’t up for it. Gentle parenting tells us kids will get with the program and stop tantruming over every no and every transition. Ya well some don’t. Ever. Gentle parenting has no answers for this.

NP- I mean so what is the alternative to this? Screaming at a three year old? Explain how non gentle parenting strategies work better here.

Three is old enough for a lot of kids to respond to a behavior chart/token system.

Hahaha not my three year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly people dont even understand what gentle parenting is (or supposed to be), no wonder it isnt working lol.

I love that parents who admit to yelling at their kids think they are superior to gentle-parenting. Yes, yes verbal abuse sounds much healthier! Congrats!

You do know there’s a middle ground, right? Gentle parenting is letting the kids decide their bedtime letting their kid have ice cream instead of a healthy balanced dinner, giving their kid the lollipop when they demand it because you’re afraid to say no. Some of us can have boundaries and rules and be consistent about them without screaming at our kids.

Honestly I think gentle parenting is somewhat abusive…you are leading your kid to build zero resilience, zero exposure to frustration, zero practice not getting their way—so real life hits and they will understandably not cope and then they’re blamed for being a bad kid or having some disability they don’t really have.

I dont think you understand gentle parenting. Which is fine, but dont trash it if you clearly dont actually understand what it is or means. Especially the second bolded, is absolutely not true.

So then tell me what your definition of gentle parenting is. Because I always assumed it was the permissive parent, the one that asks the kids to stop instead of tells them, and doesn’t actually stop them if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, they just stand there, talking. Give me an example of gentle parenting so I understand. And like I said, I don’t yell at my kids—I do listen to their feelings and needs, I just also have boundaries and they have consequences if behaviors persist.

here is an example:
https://visiblechild.com/2015/10/02/theres-no-trying-in-limit-setting/

To me, this is authoritative parenting. You set the limits and you make sure it happens, but without yelling or punishments. It takes time, but you stick to your word. I’m the pp who you said didn’t understand gentle parenting. I think you and I just have different perspectives on it. To me….

Gentle parents let their kids not wash their hands at all because the kids say no and then the parents say they aren’t feeling ready for it and they don’t want to coerce their bodies to doing something they don’t want to do. Gentle parents let their kids just say “toilet words” because they tried to get them to stop, but can’t because they have no control over their kids so they tell themselves it’s okay because the kids are autonomous. Gentle parents don’t actually see how bad their kids are because they’re so used to it, but everyone else sees it.

DP. It's obvious that you've just decided in your own head that gentle parenting refers to super peissive parenting and nothing anyone says will change your mind. People have provided numerous examples of gentle parenting advocacy that shows the advice is in line with authoritative parenting. Your response is just to make up examples. But can you find a single gentle parenting advocate who tells parents to let their kids not wash their hands or use "toilet words" all the time?

What brand of parenting did your parents use that kee you to believe that words can mean whatever you personally dictate they mean?

I’m not that pp but I think what they mean is that this is what happens in reality, not what gentle parenting actually endorses. Gentle parenting is incredibly, horrifically exhausting. I DO hold those firm boundaries and calmly physically force my toddler to do essential things she doesn’t want to do ( hands washing, diaper change, etc). Your choices are endure a physical struggle and screaming while you “Help” a screaming, crying child 15-20 times a day or give up and avoid conflict and only do things you know your kid won’t fight because you dread the struggle (permissive parenting). I persevere but it’s very, very hard and involves gritting my teeth and smiling through tantrums literally all day long. I totally understand why parents aren’t up for it. Gentle parenting tells us kids will get with the program and stop tantruming over every no and every transition. Ya well some don’t. Ever. Gentle parenting has no answers for this.

I want to be with you on this, but I don’t think any of the gentle parenting gurus would say “okay just keep doing the thing that is torture forever.” That’s not gentle to anyone. If you have a kid who has higher needs than average, you may well need more/different strategies than the standard. No one would say the correct answer is yelling or spanking. There are lots of people out there with strategies for kids who have varying needs. Why get stuck being mad at the starting point?

Please, please tell me what to try. I’ve read Explosive Child, lots of Janet Lansbury, Dr. Becky, books about SPD, so many things. If I’m not allowed to punish or give positive reinforcement to stop the crying because crying is just expressing their feelings and we aren’t supposed to discourage it, wtf am I supposed to do? Please tell me an expert or course that will tell me how to do this better if you’re so sure a solution is easy to find. I am not in a major city with even a single therapist who offers PCIT or similar.