How do people afford it?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.

I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.

THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!

I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!

My parents are like you. They have plenty of money but wouldn't help because they have self-righteous beliefs on what is best. We had our kid in private for a few years because of their needs for the individual attention. My parents were appalled that we would even consider private. It wasn't an expensive private but just a very basic one that did wonders for our child who would have struggled in public. We will consider it if HS doesn't go great in public. You cannot take the money with you. Your kids and grandkids know how stingy you are. I'm so thankful my grandparents were so loving and generous, but my parents are not. My grandparents had very little but helped with what they could to make sure we went to college and other things.

What was you kid’s “need for individualized attention?” Are you saying that your kid was a special needs kid who the public schools couldn’t accommodate? Because that’s an entirely different issue. Of course we’d pay for a private school in that instance if the parents couldn’t afford it. It wouldn’t have been a rich kid private school though - it would have been a school that fit the needs of a special needs kid.

Also, on the “we have plenty of money” front, please explain to me why grandparents should pay for private schools when their kids make several hundred thousand dollars a year but elect to live in a low performing school district. This was their choice, and they never expected us to subsidize them for it. There’s no bad blood between any of us at all. Our grandkids are quite mainstream and don’t need any special attention. And they’re doing fine.

Given how rich you are, it's bizarre that you don't want your grandkids with rich kids. No kids are rich. Their parents are.

I live in a "low" performing school area because my parents insisted we live near them and it was all we could afford at the time. They promised to help out and occasionally babysit, which they never do.

Doing just fine is subjective. I doubt your kids tell you everything as you are so judgmental.

You realize SN schools can be $60-100K+ a year?

I don't get grandparents who don't help out with grandkids who got help in terms of babysitting and money from their parents and now that they are getting older expect those same kids who they refused to help their kids/grandkids take care of them...nope.

You didn’t answer my question. So I assume you don’t have a “special needs” kid. You just have a kid that you’d rather go to private school and want your parents to pay for it. Ok.

Would you like to see the thousands in therapy bills we paid for? Thankfully my child is fine now but we spent a fortune between private therapies and the private school to get there. Be thankful none of your grandkids have SN. You sound like my parents and that's not a complement.

I’m not at all like your parents. If I were your parents I would have paid. My grandkids don’t have your kid’s issues.

No, you wouldn't. My kid doesn't have issues now. Straight A student, advanced in all classes. You were clear you don't believe in helping as you can get everything you need through the public school.

You are pretty selfish.

Sounds like your parents were right!

How were they right? They got plenty of help. Now one wants our help. Nope. Treat us better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

I am someone who grew up in a communist country. If you didn’t have top-notch private schools/colleges/medical practices etc., you would just have mediocre public ones. Ask me how I know.
Human nature is greedy. We excel when there is competition and big rewards at the end. We are not all equal and not entitled to equal education and medical care. It’s unfair, but it’s how it goes. Survival of the fittest and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

And, here you are desperately posting on the private school forum. Wannabe!

Oh. Oh dear. You sound like a middle school girl. How embarrassing for you.

DP

Honey, it is clear you need to stick with the planes on the public school forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

And, here you are desperately posting on the private school forum. Wannabe!

Lol if I was a Wannabe I’d just write the check!

No you are a cheapskate who begrudge your grandkids a better education than you had. You can't take it to your grave cheapy.

Ha ha my kids will get it anyway. Then it won’t matter what kind of education their kids get because they’ll be rich either way!

Clearly this grandparent places very little weight on education. If you had the money, why wouldn’t you give your grandchildren the option? People don’t know what they don’t know until they experience the difference. It’s so funny how you are philosophically revolted at private school when it’s the same million dollar kids that go to public. It’s not like your grandkids are doing public in NE DC. So, bottom line is, you just don’t value a better education enough to pay for it. Just because your grandkids will eventually have your money won’t make them well educated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make around $325K and have two in two different "Big3" private high schools with a tuition bill of $110K.
Grandparents pay one tuition, we pay one tuition. We do not receive aid.

Yes, we could theoretically pay for this completely out of our income but that would be >50% of our take home income and it wouldn't be worth it to us (AT ALL!) unless we had a kid who
needed private placement for special needs (in which case I could see doing whatever it took).

Private school is not worth living a bare bones existence!! Privates are fine but there are flaws and frustrations just like there are in public. They're just different flaws and
frustrations. We have experience with 2 different publics and 2 different "Big 3" privates (we use private just for high school).

Even with grandparent help, we often wonder if this is worth it. It's also perennially odd to be two professionals with a combined very good income ($325K) and to be among the
"poorest" people we know at school. It's unsettling. We are not materialistic people and the wealth our kids are surrounded by is astounding.

We are in NYC, two kids in private, we make seven figure and we are still among the least wealthy families at our school. The wealth is staggering. I was never aware of the amount of wealth and number of people possessing it until our kids started at our school. I grew up poor, so this experience has been so mind boggling to me.

Same experience here. I thought we were doing ok financially. Then the kids went to a private school in the DMV. The wealth is truly mind boggling. We have an income I would have never imagined and we are “poor.” I think to qualify as “wealthy” in the DMV you have to have a seven figure income (or inherited wealth).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.

I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.

THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!

I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!

My parents are like you. They have plenty of money but wouldn't help because they have self-righteous beliefs on what is best. We had our kid in private for a few years because of their needs for the individual attention. My parents were appalled that we would even consider private. It wasn't an expensive private but just a very basic one that did wonders for our child who would have struggled in public. We will consider it if HS doesn't go great in public. You cannot take the money with you. Your kids and grandkids know how stingy you are. I'm so thankful my grandparents were so loving and generous, but my parents are not. My grandparents had very little but helped with what they could to make sure we went to college and other things.

What was you kid’s “need for individualized attention?” Are you saying that your kid was a special needs kid who the public schools couldn’t accommodate? Because that’s an entirely different issue. Of course we’d pay for a private school in that instance if the parents couldn’t afford it. It wouldn’t have been a rich kid private school though - it would have been a school that fit the needs of a special needs kid.

Also, on the “we have plenty of money” front, please explain to me why grandparents should pay for private schools when their kids make several hundred thousand dollars a year but elect to live in a low performing school district. This was their choice, and they never expected us to subsidize them for it. There’s no bad blood between any of us at all. Our grandkids are quite mainstream and don’t need any special attention. And they’re doing fine.

Given how rich you are, it's bizarre that you don't want your grandkids with rich kids. No kids are rich. Their parents are.

I live in a "low" performing school area because my parents insisted we live near them and it was all we could afford at the time. They promised to help out and occasionally babysit, which they never do.

Doing just fine is subjective. I doubt your kids tell you everything as you are so judgmental.

You realize SN schools can be $60-100K+ a year?

I don't get grandparents who don't help out with grandkids who got help in terms of babysitting and money from their parents and now that they are getting older expect those same kids who they refused to help their kids/grandkids take care of them...nope.

You didn’t answer my question. So I assume you don’t have a “special needs” kid. You just have a kid that you’d rather go to private school and want your parents to pay for it. Ok.

Would you like to see the thousands in therapy bills we paid for? Thankfully my child is fine now but we spent a fortune between private therapies and the private school to get there. Be thankful none of your grandkids have SN. You sound like my parents and that's not a complement.

I’m not at all like your parents. If I were your parents I would have paid. My grandkids don’t have your kid’s issues.

No, you wouldn't. My kid doesn't have issues now. Straight A student, advanced in all classes. You were clear you don't believe in helping as you can get everything you need through the public school.

You are pretty selfish.

Sounds like your parents were right!

How were they right? They got plenty of help. Now one wants our help. Nope. Treat us better.

I’m saying they were right because you said your kid is now fine and is a straight A student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

And, here you are desperately posting on the private school forum. Wannabe!

Lol if I was a Wannabe I’d just write the check!

No you are a cheapskate who begrudge your grandkids a better education than you had. You can't take it to your grave cheapy.

Ha ha my kids will get it anyway. Then it won’t matter what kind of education their kids get because they’ll be rich either way!

Clearly this grandparent places very little weight on education. If you had the money, why wouldn’t you give your grandchildren the option? People don’t know what they don’t know until they experience the difference. It’s so funny how you are philosophically revolted at private school when it’s the same million dollar kids that go to public. It’s not like your grandkids are doing public in NE DC. So, bottom line is, you just don’t value a better education enough to pay for it. Just because your grandkids will eventually have your money won’t make them well educated.

Again, my grandkids went to a Title 1 school in DC. Not in NE, but most definitely not a school with “million dollar kids.”

[Anonymous]

We are paying our own way. 3 kids at an expensive private and 2 at catholic school. We are the first of our family to “make it”. We plan to pay for any grandkids tuition or at least help out. We feel like we are an anomaly and most wealthy people we see have it “in the family”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

And, here you are desperately posting on the private school forum. Wannabe!

Lol if I was a Wannabe I’d just write the check!

No you are a cheapskate who begrudge your grandkids a better education than you had. You can't take it to your grave cheapy.

Ha ha my kids will get it anyway. Then it won’t matter what kind of education their kids get because they’ll be rich either way!

Clearly this grandparent places very little weight on education. If you had the money, why wouldn’t you give your grandchildren the option? People don’t know what they don’t know until they experience the difference. It’s so funny how you are philosophically revolted at private school when it’s the same million dollar kids that go to public. It’s not like your grandkids are doing public in NE DC. So, bottom line is, you just don’t value a better education enough to pay for it. Just because your grandkids will eventually have your money won’t make them well educated.

Again, my grandkids went to a Title 1 school in DC. Not in NE, but most definitely not a school with “million dollar kids.”[/granny...

Sure granny...keep telling yourself that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

I'm amused at calling private schools philosophically revolting while refusing to send your kids to the locally zoned schools and fishing around for a lottery and lucking out.

Err.... at least I'm not a hypocrite.

Except you missed the part about me being the grandparent. I didn’t do any fishing, and I didn’t write any checks either. No hypocrite here.

As for my kid, it doesn’t make one a hypocrite to look for alternatives to bleak public schools that don’t include rich kid schools. There’s a middle ground after all.

You are the hypocrite for talking about "philosophically revolting" when it comes to some people's decisions while justifying your own family's decision, which to others, could be "philosophically revolting" because your family is still choosing to say those kids aren't good enough for my kids, no matter how much they spin it. It's like people with BLM signs and "Be the Change" signs in front of their houses while living in all white neighborhoods and freaking out about having children in majority black schools.

Has nothing to do with skin color. Our grandkids are white and attended a Title I public school where the overwhelmingly majority of the students are black. My grandson watched a classic Disney movie with me the other day and asked “why are there so many white faces?” The charter school they are moving less than 15 percent white.

The schools their parents are avoiding are extremely low performing. That, and that alone, is why they’re avoiding them.

You're still a hypocrite because no matter what story you're telling us (cool story, grandma! your grandkid spotted all the nasty white faces! how enlightened!) your family is still going out of their way to avoid another school which they are zoned for. That is it in a nutshell. As long as they do it, you have no business decrying people's decisions to go to private schools without coming across as a massive hypocrite of the worst kind. Which you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

I am someone who grew up in a communist country. If you didn’t have top-notch private schools/colleges/medical practices etc., you would just have mediocre public ones. Ask me how I know.
Human nature is greedy. We excel when there is competition and big rewards at the end. We are not all equal and not entitled to equal education and medical care. It’s unfair, but it’s how it goes. Survival of the fittest and all.

Agree. And there's no shortage of perfectly normal suburban public school districts offering perfectly good education for a wide range of kids. But some people refuse to leave their progressive urban neighborhoods for the 'burbs, even if the suburban schools these days tend to be more diverse than urban schools because they're not just mostly black with a sprinkling of white kids, but have kids of all racial origins and backgrounds. So they throw hissy fits about inequity in the schools and moan about elitism of private schools.

Just do what most Americans do, go to a decent suburban district, problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

Grandparents paying school tuition is a way to transfer future inheritance earlier. Plenty of people who can afford private still have grandparents paying. Nothing to be embarrassed of.

I grew up poor...went to scrappy commuter college and law school. Same for my DH. We are rich now. Rest assured I wanted a better life for my kids and grandkids.I will gladly pay their private school tuitions. I bet the holier than thou posters deriding private never went to an urban public in the hood like I did.

THIS. If I’m able I’ll gladly pay my grandkids tuition one day!

I’m the grandparent who could pay but won’t. I didn’t grow up rich or going to fancy schools either. Trust me. I just think 9/10 of this is parenting. You don’t have to spend all that money to get a good education, and there’s nothing wrong with meeting a disadvantaged classmate every once in a while - and, God forbid, maybe even making friends with some!

My parents are like you. They have plenty of money but wouldn't help because they have self-righteous beliefs on what is best. We had our kid in private for a few years because of their needs for the individual attention. My parents were appalled that we would even consider private. It wasn't an expensive private but just a very basic one that did wonders for our child who would have struggled in public. We will consider it if HS doesn't go great in public. You cannot take the money with you. Your kids and grandkids know how stingy you are. I'm so thankful my grandparents were so loving and generous, but my parents are not. My grandparents had very little but helped with what they could to make sure we went to college and other things.

What was you kid’s “need for individualized attention?” Are you saying that your kid was a special needs kid who the public schools couldn’t accommodate? Because that’s an entirely different issue. Of course we’d pay for a private school in that instance if the parents couldn’t afford it. It wouldn’t have been a rich kid private school though - it would have been a school that fit the needs of a special needs kid.

Also, on the “we have plenty of money” front, please explain to me why grandparents should pay for private schools when their kids make several hundred thousand dollars a year but elect to live in a low performing school district. This was their choice, and they never expected us to subsidize them for it. There’s no bad blood between any of us at all. Our grandkids are quite mainstream and don’t need any special attention. And they’re doing fine.

Given how rich you are, it's bizarre that you don't want your grandkids with rich kids. No kids are rich. Their parents are.

I live in a "low" performing school area because my parents insisted we live near them and it was all we could afford at the time. They promised to help out and occasionally babysit, which they never do.

Doing just fine is subjective. I doubt your kids tell you everything as you are so judgmental.

You realize SN schools can be $60-100K+ a year?

I don't get grandparents who don't help out with grandkids who got help in terms of babysitting and money from their parents and now that they are getting older expect those same kids who they refused to help their kids/grandkids take care of them...nope.

I don’t get this tit for tat thing. My parents couldn’t help financially. And they decided to move back “home” and away from us so no help for us and we can’t help them much either. But I’m not holding a grudge against them and withholding help because they didn’t help me. That just seems so childish, selfish, and entitled to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

I am someone who grew up in a communist country. If you didn’t have top-notch private schools/colleges/medical practices etc., you would just have mediocre public ones. Ask me how I know.
Human nature is greedy. We excel when there is competition and big rewards at the end. We are not all equal and not entitled to equal education and medical care. It’s unfair, but it’s how it goes. Survival of the fittest and all.

Agree. And there's no shortage of perfectly normal suburban public school districts offering perfectly good education for a wide range of kids. But some people refuse to leave their progressive urban neighborhoods for the 'burbs, even if the suburban schools these days tend to be more diverse than urban schools because they're not just mostly black with a sprinkling of white kids, but have kids of all racial origins and backgrounds. So they throw hissy fits about inequity in the schools and moan about elitism of private schools.

Just do what most Americans do, go to a decent suburban district, problem solved.

Yes! This is so true. The ones in those urban areas think they are so superior and I think they are just doing their kids a disservice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I forgot to mention that we have about 700-800k in equity in our house. Is there a way to tap into that to swing it?

Yes you can tap into equity. But if you take the entire 800k that will get you eight years @ 100k (2 kids @ 50k each). Depending on the ages of your kids that won't get them to 12th and don't forget about the yearly increases. Then there's college. Your call but I wouldn't spend all the equity in my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

I am someone who grew up in a communist country. If you didn’t have top-notch private schools/colleges/medical practices etc., you would just have mediocre public ones. Ask me how I know.
Human nature is greedy. We excel when there is competition and big rewards at the end. We are not all equal and not entitled to equal education and medical care. It’s unfair, but it’s how it goes. Survival of the fittest and all.

Agree. And there's no shortage of perfectly normal suburban public school districts offering perfectly good education for a wide range of kids. But some people refuse to leave their progressive urban neighborhoods for the 'burbs, even if the suburban schools these days tend to be more diverse than urban schools because they're not just mostly black with a sprinkling of white kids, but have kids of all racial origins and backgrounds. So they throw hissy fits about inequity in the schools and moan about elitism of private schools.

Just do what most Americans do, go to a decent suburban district, problem solved.

Yes! This is so true. The ones in those urban areas think they are so superior and I think they are just doing their kids a disservice.

This makes me feel better! I feel like a fish out of water in this DC private school world! Need to move to the suburbs!