HYPSM/Elite School Alums - What has been the downside of your degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female HYP alum - I've been in dating situations where some men are intimidated by the credential.

I’ve found this to be true, but I see it as an upside. Culls out men who wouldn’t fit my life pretty fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I graduated cum laude from Yale and worked in management consulting for a short time after graduating. But my kids probably think I’m a loser stay at home mom now. I hear them say “my mom went to Yale but she just stays at home now”.

Is it not graduating magna cum laude that’s the problem?

[Anonymous]

This obsession with this is so weird—and especially so to those with balanced lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you try to get a low-level job you’ll be seen as a flight risk

If you’re in certain environments you’ll be seen as an out of touch elite

+1. And there is also the fact that you drink a lot of cool aid at school and then need to go out in the real world and prove yourself…and that’s usually when you realize that many people don’t care where you went to school or think you’re wealthy/connected/an elitist. The latter is particularly unfair if you grew up LMC/MC and got in on your own merits.

Couldn't agree more with the bolded. I have worked with, hired, interacted with a fair number of HYPS grads over the years. The following two alums, both white women, really challenged and changed how I judge these graduates:

The first one was a Princeton grad. She came from a low income family, her mom was an alcoholic. Apparently, they were often evicted during her childhood and even spent periods living in her mom's car when relatives couldn't take them in.

The second one was a Yale grad from a low income, immigrant family. Kid excelled in high school while working to support the family. Kid got a full ride, but continued to work throughout college to send money home to her parents. She even worked the Yale reunions, which involved cleaning rooms. She told me once that she knew since she was a child that she'd be responsible for supporting her family financially.

Both of these women were bright, driven, hard-working AND humble. They had zero issues with starting from the bottom and working their way up, showed no entitlement, were willing time and time again to do the grunt work.

I grew up MC and attended a top SLAC, and that was still a challenge and a climb for me. But it feels like these two women had to go through a minefield to get to Yale and Princeton. That's why, even though I have met my share of entitled HYPS alums, I judge each one on their own merit and try to put biases aside because at the end of day you don't know who is sitting in front of you - yes, it could be a Princeton double legacy from a wealthy family, or it could be Yale first gen, low income grad who will use this job not only to support herself but also her family.

Hats off to these young women!

I will say though that the thing that irks me about HYP is that so few kids like these get the chance to attend because the acceptance rates are so low. Yet their endowments together surpass a trillion!!! It just feels like they could be doing so much more with those massive resources.

[Anonymous]

Top 25 grad, magna cum laude. I had undiagnosed mental health issues (anxiety, adhd) that were manageable with a student’s lifestyle but blew up in my face in the workplace. Fizzled out from an elite ibanking job after a few years and haven’t worked since. I was so unprepared for failing at something that I never got my career back on track and just became a SAHM because I didn’t (and still don’t) know how to come back from not being perfect/successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I graduated cum laude from Yale and worked in management consulting for a short time after graduating. But my kids probably think I’m a loser stay at home mom now. I hear them say “my mom went to Yale but she just stays at home now”.

+1. If you become a SAHM--and not because you cashed out on some massive IPO--the degree appears to be a waste. I don't necessarily disagree. It's a terrific education, but there is guilt and regret especially when you are reminded of classmates who are now at the top of their fields while also having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the weight of expections of greatness is the biggest drawback for me. in every setting. maybe that's good because it pushes me to be great, but it's exhausting. a positive is i find that i have more friends with perks (e.g. who invite me to their beach house, boat, fun event...). My sister, who went to a state flagship, doesn't have as many "perks," but she has a happy life too.

I went to two Ivies and I still do not seem to have friends with perks from school!

[Anonymous]

zero. zlich. nada. both my spouse and i did it for undergrad and grad.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t go to an hypms but one potential downside is you are expected to continue that trajectory or people will wonder if your undergrad admission was a fluke or there is something wrong with you or that you didn’t live up to your potential. It’s a lot of pressure.

I think ppl do wonder if someone for example goes to Boston university law school after Harvard or doesn’t make partner at big law after 8 years.

On the other hand, I always think someone who went to a state school and then a top grad school or rose high in their profession is incredible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I graduated cum laude from Yale and worked in management consulting for a short time after graduating. But my kids probably think I’m a loser stay at home mom now. I hear them say “my mom went to Yale but she just stays at home now”.

+1. If you become a SAHM--and not because you cashed out on some massive IPO--the degree appears to be a waste. I don't necessarily disagree. It's a terrific education, but there is guilt and regret especially when you are reminded of classmates who are now at the top of their fields while also having kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

MC kid. Yale. When starting, thought so many there were out of touch. When finishing, didn't. Unfortunately, lost my roots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If asked - say where you went to school.

I do. But honestly it's often a d*mned if you do or don't scenario. While I never bring it up (Harvard grad), if asked, I'm honest. Last week the response was a (cue sarcastic voice...)"oooooh, SMARTY PANTS, aren't you? Whoooooaaaaa. You don't act like you went to Harvard." blah blah blah for a full two minutes. Cringeworthy, super uncomfortable.

This happens more often than you might expect. Which is why it's tempting to say I "went to school in Boston."

[Anonymous]

Researching schools with my kid, and I found this thread insightful. I never thought of the baggage that comes with attending an elite school, people always talk about the benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In many jobs it’s better to have gone to a local school. I.e. if you’re applying to law firms in Houston, they’d rather a U of Houston law grad with a specialization in oil & gas than a Yale Law grad. Having local connections & knowing the local culture of where you want to work matters a ton.

I doubt a ton of Yale Law grads are trying to work in Houston and if they are, the "big" firms there will hire them in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If asked - say where you went to school.

I do. But honestly it's often a d*mned if you do or don't scenario. While I never bring it up (Harvard grad), if asked, I'm honest. Last week the response was a (cue sarcastic voice...)"oooooh, SMARTY PANTS, aren't you? Whoooooaaaaa. You don't act like you went to Harvard." blah blah blah for a full two minutes. Cringeworthy, super uncomfortable.

This happens more often than you might expect. Which is why it's tempting to say I "went to school in Boston."

That’s the glory of Stanford. I just say I “went to school on the West Coast.” No one ever asks where.