People who are born on third yet act like they worked "so hard" for something

[Anonymous]

It's a little more complicated than OP is making it seem. I was born to married parents, with a single wage earner who had a steady middle class income. I was "born on third" in terms of being born white, in the US and to middle class married parents. Married myself, and to another person similarly lucky. All big advantages.

But I have worked my ass off in my chosen field for over 30 years, working full time the entire time I raised children, and I've made smart choices. Yes, of course I've had a lot of luck in terms of jobs and market fluctuations, etc. But I didn't spend every dime I made, I learned about basic investing and never lost sight of my goals.

So - you can have many advantages and blow them, or you can maximize them by a lot of luck and working hard, delaying gratification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know what is really unfair?

Working very hard for your 200k income and your spouse or sibling or neighbor puts in half the effort for the same income.

Put in less effort, or find a better paying job like your spouse, sibling or neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know what is really unfair?

Working very hard for your 200k income and your spouse or sibling or neighbor puts in half the effort for the same income.

Put in less effort, or find a better paying job like your spouse, sibling or neighbor.

Easier said than done. You can't undo 20-30 years of career choices. Some careers make it much easier to lead to a 40 hour workweek for a large six fig income while others require you to work around the clock. But that's 20-30 years after the starting gate. The essential point is that there is no equity or fairness in life. Just decisions and choices that have cumulative effects along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know what is really unfair?

Working very hard for your 200k income and your spouse or sibling or neighbor puts in half the effort for the same income.

Put in less effort, or find a better paying job like your spouse, sibling or neighbor.

Easier said than done. You can't undo 20-30 years of career choices. Some careers make it much easier to lead to a 40 hour workweek for a large six fig income while others require you to work around the clock. But that's 20-30 years after the starting gate. The essential point is that there is no equity or fairness in life. Just decisions and choices that have cumulative effects along the way.

It doesn't take 20 or 30 years to realize you're putting in too much effort for the compensation, and take steps to change careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know what is really unfair?

Working very hard for your 200k income and your spouse or sibling or neighbor puts in half the effort for the same income.

Put in less effort, or find a better paying job like your spouse, sibling or neighbor.

Easier said than done. You can't undo 20-30 years of career choices. Some careers make it much easier to lead to a 40 hour workweek for a large six fig income while others require you to work around the clock. But that's 20-30 years after the starting gate. The essential point is that there is no equity or fairness in life. Just decisions and choices that have cumulative effects along the way.

It doesn't take 20 or 30 years to realize you're putting in too much effort for the compensation, and take steps to change careers.

Once again, easier said than done. Sometimes I wonder if these posts come from kids who are still in college. When you're in your 40s it's not easy to change careers. Some career tracks are definitely more demanding than others. Look, when I was in college in the late 1990s, tech was more abstract than real. No one knew in 1998 what kinds of jobs would emerge in tech paying large salaries. At the same time, plenty of impressionable kids make career decisions with altruistic goals with no idea what it means to be making 50k at 50 due to your "passion" for social work.

I am not criticizing nor complaining, just observing life is never equitable or fair. We all make decisions, some of us will pay more for those decisions than others while life becomes more ring-fenced the older you get. It doesn't mean doors are firmly closed but that you will have to work harder at it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What some of you are missing is that when someone says "But I worked hard for what I have" they are almost always saying it defensively because they have been criticized (or they have detected criticism where there might not have been any). Which is also why it's annoying. It's a sign of insecurity. If these people felt more secure in themselves, they wouldn't struggle to acknowledge that they had advantages in life that helped them get where they are. The only reason they are saying "but I worked so hard" is because they are actively trying to distract or paper over their advantages.

People who say this know they are privileged but would prefer you not know because they worry it will make you think less of them. But the best way to handle that situation is just to own it. "Yes, I got a huge leg up because of my family's money and connections, I realize that. I've always tried to make the most of those opportunities though, because I know not everyone gets them." That's grace and confidence. Trying to convince someone that your success is solely due to your work ethic when you were born to wealth and sent to the best schools and had high level connections into your field of choice should be embarrassing to you. Just own who you are and don't be defensive. It actually invites MORE criticism, not less.

Or, they are irritated (or defensive) because they are being criticized for something that they had nothing to do with.

Read the rest of the post. The answer is not to get defensive and say "but I worked hard." Lots of people work hard.

Just own it. "Yes, I had help from my parents, I'm very grateful." Own the fact that you didn't have anything to do with the advantages you were given. Don't try to pretend the advantages don't exist and that actually, your success is entirely predicated on how hard you worked.

If you really can't stand the idea of peopel thinking that a lot of your success was due to your parents money and connections, when in fact a lot of your success is due to your parents money and connections, then give up that money and those connections instead. Then you never have to feel put upon by this accusation.

Alternatively, just own up to it, don't apologize (it's just how it is, life isn't always fair) and then move on. Going through life with a chip on your shoulder over this is going to make people dislike you because no one feels sorry for someone who has had every advantage in life. It's the one advantage you don't get -- random people feeling sorry for you. Get over it. Use the money you inherited to pay for some therapy or self-care. It'll work out.

This is completely twisted. It’s people making assumptions and accusing that have a chip. OP is no different from the people s/he is railing against. Someone, somewhere thinks he hasn’t worked as hard as he thinks he has and believes that he isn’t owning his privilege. There is also an implication that OP believes he has worked “harder” and that anyone born with the same life circumstances has worked hard and not gotten as far because of where they started. Maybe. But maybe not. Most of us don’t know how hard others have worked and it is a losing game to spend time and energy pointing fingers and getting people to “own it!”

[Anonymous]

I also will add being a poor good looking tall white male even with poor parents and a second tier college and low GPA might get you pretty far.

My six foot four inch good looking white male brother with a B average from a so so college managed a career where he earned around 300k to 500k a year the last 30 years.

He did get an MBA from NYU paid by company going part time. But already an executive.

Plenty of short fat ugly rich guys who graduated HS with brother and went fantastic schools never got far.

The really successful are tall good looking white males born rich.

[Anonymous]

Quoting SNL's Trump from another thread, comparing himself favorably to Jesus because Jesus was a nepo baby: "It's pretty easy to start a religion when your father is God."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hj6E2_3nraQ&feature=youtu.be