Grandparents told DS to "just stop" regarding calls and texts to help rebook flights

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12/28/2022 19:10

Subject: Grandparents told DS to "just stop" regarding calls and texts to help rebook flights

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Backstory: I have younger parents and my dad still works as a trial lawyer. My parents are scheduled to come to DC tomorrow to visit for the holidays for a week because my dad had a trial scheduled today (and they were upset we did not visit them in my hometown for Christmas and went on a trip with our immediate family). Due to Southwest canceling their flights and a text they sent me and my adult siblings, my DH found flights that were very affordable on a different airline to rebook and offered to use his points to give them first class flights to DC. The catch was one hour layover in a city where my brother lives. My parents suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) and they are exceptionally petty. They booked their tickets after Christmas because my DH and I booked a ski trip to Utah the first week of winter break. Then my brother's flight was canceled due to the weather and they freaked out, not responding to our texts or calls for three days. My sister called them out on it and they claimed they were "too busy" to respond (these are people who text and call us incessantly at work).

This morning, my 8 year old son sent my mom texts that said (from son's name) and were clearly written by an 8 year old. He said that my DH had found tickets for them and offered to use his status and points. He said that the ticket prices were increasing. He asked my mom (or dad) to call me and DH. He then FaceTimed my mom two hours later, as he had the flight schedule on his tablet and saw the price changes. My mom was texting us all morning in a group text and separate texts plus my dad was sending group texts from when his flights were canceled until he called me from my mom's phone (he has never done that) to ask DS, age 8, to "just stop" and that he was not going to fly to DC unless he could fly to DCA only (DH found flights to Dulles and BWI, which we offered to pickup parents), unless the flight was allowing checked bags (my parent's airline had suggested only carryon and my parents NEVER check bags), unless my husband had found direct flights from their city to DCA at the same time as the flight he had prior. My DS is devastated. I took him to the playground and we are headed to the movies. But really? My mom claims she could not make a decision without my dad. My dad claims he needed to focus on his trial and not worry about flights. My parents both claim they didn't want to book flights until my 38 year old brother's flight was resheduled. My brother lives somewhere where all the flights are canceled this week. He wants to come here to see his nephews and is booking a flight Friday. He is also totally fine staying at my parents' alone or going to my aunt's down the street.

My mom is now saying she is going to cancel the trip altoghether, due to the weather and unpredictability of the flights, which I get. But my 8 year old called her from his Ipad and my mom gave him a long lecture about how we "already went on our vacation" and how "she isn't going to be able to make any flights that your dad (my DH) made for us as they are too expensive or have layovers." DH and I were going to pay for the flights. My parents are very well off and can definitely swing the $400 total round trip tickets and would take the free tickets using points. DS is really hurt that my parents yelled at him and were "unkind".

I explained to DS that my parents should not have reacted to a child like that, but they have anxiety about traveling and are not savvy about prices going up and can't make quick decisions. They always think something better is going to come along and it prevents them from quick decision making. Now my mom is texting me and my sister pictures of her Christmas decorations, presents, sad memes, gifs, etc. And she's making us feel guilty for her flight being canceled (!). My sister and I called her and my dad out for making my 8 year old feel badly and she said "well he already got to go on a ski vacation. We paid for private school and worked really hard and never got to do that with you. Maybe you would have been better off just going to public school and having kids in HS so you would be more dependent on me." (this is something she frequently says.

My dad texted my sister, DH and I to "chill", his favorite word. He is big into mindfulness although he has the worst anger management issue ever, the mouth that curses incessantly and is super hyper active and anxious.

I could have told your sad tale of woe in a three sentence paragraph. Instead, one question:. What kind of idiot adult has their 8-year old son take over travel for grandparents?!

New poster. I do not see where OP or any adult had the child "take over travel" arrangements. Nowhere does OP say that she or any other adult put the kid up to doing this, instructed him to do it, told him to text the grandparents, etc. I think that is getting projected into her post by the readers.

OP--am I correct? No one, not you or DH or any other adult, egged on or told your child to make his own separate contact about travel plans?

If not: I'm team OP and son.

Grandpa the lawyer: The people posting to rage about the fact grandpa was doing at trial: So freaking what? He can mute anyone he likes. OP notes he's all about "wellness" anyway and his whole reaction to this was not the anger that PPs here are feeling on his behalf -- he just told everyone to "chill." (How...useful. Not.) So grandad's trial is not the big honking thing re: travel that some PPs want it to be. .Not to grandpa, at least, though some lawyer PPs here are sure projecting their own trial stress onto "chill" grandpa.

Grandma is the issue here. Again, PPs are defending her. But OP clearly says her mom is, to summarize in my own term, a pill. Here's why: The issue is NOT he terrible weather, or the weather-related flight cancellations etc., people. The issue isn't even the child contacting grandma.

READ OP's post with care: Mom is pouting and pi$$y about the fact OP's family took a trip of their own (without these grandparents) at the start of this winter break.

That is the root of grandma's and grandpa's insistence that they'll ONLY travel to one of the area's three airports, they MUST have checked baggage despite what airlines are saying. That's what's behind the ugly treatment of OP's DH who is the one who did all the legwork to find new tickets (and who is getting zero credit for that effort as far as I can see).

Grandma even turned this whole thing into All About Her and did the ultimate bad faith thing: She dredged up the past and dredged up money issues: OP quotes her as saying, "We paid for private school and worked really hard and never got to do that with you. Maybe you would have been better off just going to public school and having kids in HS so you would be more dependent on me."

DCUM normally would have a screaming fit at that statement as pure toxic (grand)parenting, but for some bizarre reason is letting it slide and focusing instead on the kid's role here, not on grandma's crystal clear control and entitlement issues. Sure, the boy should not have texted or contacted an adult like he did; OP, you need to talk to him about how issues like plane tickets and travel plans were not something to get involved in, though you know he meant it as a way of indicating he wants the grandparents to come visit. But he should not do this again.

Then, OP, in your shoes, I'd tell mom and dad, sorry but we've expended all the time and energy we can on this trip and since the airports and travel arrangements don't suit you, we won't see you this holiday, but maybe we can all visit in the spring when there is better weather for flying and less stress around the holidays.

In short, I wouldn't even WANT to see them after all this drama. Your son did ramp up the drama but unless he was instructed or encouraged to contact them by an adult -- he did not do so out of any intent to add to the problems and I would give him a talk about not texting anyone on your devices or on his own, and let it go. OP, if you're not already, get some counseling for you as the adult daughter, to detach more from your parents, especially your mom who guilts you and tosses your upbringing into your face. Learn not to let their FOMO and jealousy that you take trips with your own family affect you. I really would reduce the amount of time spent with them if your mom says things like you recount.

And OP please ignore all the "you are terrible parents" crap on this thread; those are PPs focused only on your kid's mistake in contacting them and trying to "help." The real issue is your picky, huffy, self-centered, demanding, jealous, inflexible parents. I'd take off now for another family vacation somewhere, as soon as I told mom and dad, no trip, maybe see you in the spring or summer.

OP here. This poster gets it. Thank you for summarizing and understanding everything I was trying to say. For context, we were all sitting in DH and my bed, me, my two kids and DH. And yes, my DH is a saint. He is the type of person who is always thinking of others, looking for solutions and problems and giving of his abundance (points, upgrades, offering to pay for tickets). DS was on his Ipad texting grandma on the group text (My phone is connected to the Ipad).

You got it. Thank you, dear poster. Already in therapy. Already talked to son about not texting adults trying to help. And DS is pretty savvy. He can pull up Google flights and sort by cost and airports. That's not super advanced. And he is very thoughtful and close to grandparents.

End result: DH found another flight and called my dad and mom individually. Offered to pay for it. Parents declined. We understand and will have them visit later. There is something else going on as it was a diret flight, first class, with ability to check bags. Only reason to check bags was holiday gifts. We are taking DS and DD skiing with his aunt tomorrow locally.