Squandered elite education

[Anonymous]

This sounds like lots of people. Unfortunately, even an elite education can't take the place of parents with money and influence. I made all the wrong career decisions (not even sure that different decisions would have made a difference) because I didn't have anyone to help me and had nowhere to turn for advice (it was pre-internet). I had no idea what careers and salaries were out there, how to go about choosing what to study, and didn't even have enough money after graduation to pay for the industry magazine that used to list all the job openings.

Fortunately, I married a guy from a rich family (rich from my perspective anyway), so I'm doing OK today in spite of never really making any money of my own. But of course, since my career didn't pay as much as my husband's, I ended up mommy-tracked, and now not only don't work in my field, but do a job that doesn't even require a high school diploma. I'm not complaining about it, but I know I'm not a lone, and it's a screwed up system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope and believe today there are more resources for kids in this situation. Wealthy kids have parents to guide them, but for everyone else, we need someone to “read us in.” With the internet, though, it’s easier to find that information.

This comment is so true.

If I knew what I knew now, I would have went away to college and majo

I had no idea of careers paths such as private equity, venture capital, computer science, ect.

One of the things people say it's never to late to radically change your life. The brutal truth is most times it is too late.

PE wasn’t really a thing pre 11.
You were just born too early 😆

PE was def a thing pre-2011!
1997 grad.
Moved into finance/banking then PE eventually after GFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I'll join the group.

I am an Ivy underachiever and I don't even have the excuse of coming from a rural background.

I grew up in normal suburbia and was totally lost at my Ivy school. I was an English major, and no one told me this might not be a good idea. I got good grades, did a few EC but I had no clue about internships or job or careers. I was slightly depressed my entire college career. I worked at camps and in restaurants during the summers. I never connected to any mentors. I had no vision for my future. I am actually pretty proud that I have made as much of my life as I have. But sometimes I feel really terrible looking back at college and wondering why I wasted all those opportunities, and yes I am a little annoyed at my parents who were classic 1980s parents -- not involved.

I was an English major at an HBCU. I'm in consulting. I'm not wealthy by any means but I'm clearing more than $200k.

Well yeah, clearly you were driven by money if you went into consulting. I assume you went into consulting right out of college? If you don’t it’s very hard to enter with it’s up or out ethos. No one does consulting for any other reason, that is actually the best path for low status highly educated graduates as success mostly comes from grinding work out, which most of them are very capable of.

Yes. I started after college in government consulting and then moved to commercial. I wasn't necessarily driven by money at the time. I just needed a job and fell into it.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

It might also just be the function of actually BELIEVING they were special. The MC people like me who also went to Ivies all did STEM or wound up going to law school, UNLESS they were incredibly talented artists (think, published authors by major companies in college). But no one was like oh journalism, yeah, I'll be the one who turns the world on its head with my writing!

It's all about understanding reality, and also accepting that yes, other people will have a leg up on you, but you have a leg up on so many other people. But you're not entitled to some special fancy cool job that pays well and is super fun. Those don't exist, unless someone else like your parents is paying your way. And if that's the case you're really a glorified volunteer on a vanity project, so I wouldn't feel too bad by comparison to those people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

It might also just be the function of actually BELIEVING they were special. The MC people like me who also went to Ivies all did STEM or wound up going to law school, UNLESS they were incredibly talented artists (think, published authors by major companies in college). But no one was like oh journalism, yeah, I'll be the one who turns the world on its head with my writing!

It's all about understanding reality, and also accepting that yes, other people will have a leg up on you, but you have a leg up on so many other people. But you're not entitled to some special fancy cool job that pays well and is super fun. Those don't exist, unless someone else like your parents is paying your way. And if that's the case you're really a glorified volunteer on a vanity project, so I wouldn't feel too bad by comparison to those people.

+100

Ding ding ding. For middle class students, the (comparatively) meritocratic world of STEM/law/medicine is MUCH better than finance or consulting. Even if you're at an Ivy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

Columbia I'm guessing? That's where that other girl was suicidally depressed. It lacks any sense of community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

Yeah I was always pushed to go to a top HBCU by every teacher and leader in high school. Now that I am in consulting I have a better understanding of how they recruit. They only recruit at top HBCUs, of course Ivy league, and top state schools. I noticed that we don't recruit at any commuter schools. I also had a lot of mentors in college and after college and always had an internship. I think the key is definitely networking and I did a lot of that in my early 20s. I would love for my kids to go to an Ivy someday because of the access.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

Hustle would have been doing everything you could to learn what tricks the rich kids were using. You have to adapt your hustle. It's not just like do your homework, take the test, and then good things happen lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope and believe today there are more resources for kids in this situation. Wealthy kids have parents to guide them, but for everyone else, we need someone to “read us in.” With the internet, though, it’s easier to find that information.

This is absolutely true having grown up in a similar rural area. Having parents that impart career and life knowledge as well as aspirations are prime catalysts for future income.

+ 1
I am an immigrant and my eyes are now open in how many opportunities are not advertised to regular students. My kids have stumbled upon opportunities by being perfect student with perfect scores and excelling in all academic and EC activities. But the other kids who are availing these opportunities are basically average White kids who are UMC or wealthy. Absent are Hispanics, Blacks and middle class white kids.

The only leg up I can give them right now is zero college debt and researching the heck out of career, finances and colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

I’m so sick of nasty people like you. When you know better, you do better. Life comes at people fast. Have compassion.

Sometimes compassion involves being honest rather than nurturing the black hole that is regret in those that need not be regretful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

I’m so sick of nasty people like you. When you know better, you do better. Life comes at people fast. Have compassion.

Sometimes compassion involves being honest rather than nurturing the black hole that is regret in those that need not be regretful.

+1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

I’m so sick of nasty people like you. When you know better, you do better. Life comes at people fast. Have compassion.

Sometimes compassion involves being honest rather than nurturing the black hole that is regret in those that need not be regretful.

I don't think anybody is encouraging the OP to wallow in self pity. Many of us are simply saying "yeah, we get it - we didn't live up to our potential either for a variety of reasons, but your income and resume aren't the totality of your life." Which is a nicer way of getting to the same place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

I’m so sick of nasty people like you. When you know better, you do better. Life comes at people fast. Have compassion.

Sometimes compassion involves being honest rather than nurturing the black hole that is regret in those that need not be regretful.

I don't think anybody is encouraging the OP to wallow in self pity. Many of us are simply saying "yeah, we get it - we didn't live up to our potential either for a variety of reasons, but your income and resume aren't the totality of your life." Which is a nicer way of getting to the same place.

I totally get that, but when I tried that tactic, OP dug in further with why they’re not as successful as they’d like to be and that’s what annoyed me and I just was blunt. I think sometimes people are asking because they want pity but what they really need is a dose of reality.