If anyone gives my kids toys for Christmas, I might scream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like my SIL. She screeches at all the family members not to buy toys, and then gets her kids a massive load of toys from “Santa.” I’m guessing you don’t mind your kids having toys, you just want to be the one who experiences the joy of giving them.

Not OP, but that's not my issue. Unlike OP, my parents (really my mom) buy my kids lots of cheap-o toys. The PP who said grandma with the TJ Maxx haul nailed it. We don't have space for it, and my kids don't play with them. If she were buying Lego sets or Magnatiles or sports equipment or any of the other suggestions on this thread, that would be great! But she resists all attempts at wish lists, gift suggestions, etc. She likes them to open a lot of gifts without a lot of rhyme or reason on whether the gifts are appropriate (one example: a 1000-piece puzzle that is basically all one color that she gave them last year). Yes, I donate and give away on Buy Nothing, but it does take time and effort, and it would be so much better not to receive it in the first place.

This is the type of thing where the gift giver is making it about *them*, which is rude. Giving a gift should be about the recipient and whether it’s something they would enjoy and could use. Sure a gracious recipient will say thank you with a smile. But let’s not pretend that disrespecting boundaries and buying age-inappropriate/junky stuff so the gift giver can pat themselves on the back isn’t selfish. And so many grandparents (mine included) specifically say they want to gift lots of (or really big) items so they can see the kids’ eyes light up or whatever. Let’s be real … they are doing it for their own benefit in some backwards attempt to be fawned over by the kids. They want to be adored and told how amazing they are for buying it. And I’ve seen it backfire where a kid doesn’t act appropriately excited about the gift and the grandparent gets upset. I think if a relative is told that your child isn’t into XYZ, or that something is age-inappropriate, or that your house is too small to store it, or even that something is not in line with your family’s values (such as some families not wanting their kids to have toy weapons) and the family member continues to gift the child that type of gift, it is manipulative and disrespectful to the parents.

This is exactly it. My mom gives the gifts for the praise and attention.

Yep. The over gifting is exactly that

[Anonymous]

No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Awesome! Then PLEASE feel free to skip all together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this. My kids are just awash with hundreds of wonderful toys. But it's too much!! What they'd love would be more weekend activities, like passes to Great Country farms, soccer, the science museum, their favorite restaurant (dd has one that she begs us nonstop to go to). And another crazy thing is all the duplicates we get. I try to grab the toy before they rip it open so that I can donate it or regift it when it's in unused condition. The only thing I need less than toys is duplicates of the same toy we already own.

I just try to let it all go. I get that family doesn't want to take my kids places or do activities and toys are just an easy filler. Each set of parents spends about $500 each on my kids, so there's just mountains of toys.

wow, that is an insane amount.

I think that is what some of you aren’t getting about those of us complaining. It’s not about someone buying our kids a few toys that might not be what we’d choose ourselves. It’s about our repeated requests to please consider our space constraints/toys already in the playroom getting ignored because they want the kids to have the temporary thrill of opening something, which they will lose interest in within a day. It’s just so incredibly wasteful, it creates a continuous exhausting cycle of purging (3 kids x birthdays, Easter baskets, Christmas gifts, etc. adds up), and it goes against our desire not to have our children become obscenely spoiled with things or to associate affection with material goods. If it was in moderation it would be fine, but sometimes you start to dread the packages that start arriving a month before Christmas. I do give stuff away on my Buy Nothing Group or donate if it’s new in box. But managing and overwhelming amount of stuff is not what I want to do with my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I hope you get your wish and your parents and ILs start leaving you and your kids alone. You deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like my SIL. She screeches at all the family members not to buy toys, and then gets her kids a massive load of toys from “Santa.” I’m guessing you don’t mind your kids having toys, you just want to be the one who experiences the joy of giving them.

Not OP, but that's not my issue. Unlike OP, my parents (really my mom) buy my kids lots of cheap-o toys. The PP who said grandma with the TJ Maxx haul nailed it. We don't have space for it, and my kids don't play with them. If she were buying Lego sets or Magnatiles or sports equipment or any of the other suggestions on this thread, that would be great! But she resists all attempts at wish lists, gift suggestions, etc. She likes them to open a lot of gifts without a lot of rhyme or reason on whether the gifts are appropriate (one example: a 1000-piece puzzle that is basically all one color that she gave them last year). Yes, I donate and give away on Buy Nothing, but it does take time and effort, and it would be so much better not to receive it in the first place.

This is the type of thing where the gift giver is making it about *them*, which is rude. Giving a gift should be about the recipient and whether it’s something they would enjoy and could use. Sure a gracious recipient will say thank you with a smile. But let’s not pretend that disrespecting boundaries and buying age-inappropriate/junky stuff so the gift giver can pat themselves on the back isn’t selfish. And so many grandparents (mine included) specifically say they want to gift lots of (or really big) items so they can see the kids’ eyes light up or whatever. Let’s be real … they are doing it for their own benefit in some backwards attempt to be fawned over by the kids. They want to be adored and told how amazing they are for buying it. And I’ve seen it backfire where a kid doesn’t act appropriately excited about the gift and the grandparent gets upset. I think if a relative is told that your child isn’t into XYZ, or that something is age-inappropriate, or that your house is too small to store it, or even that something is not in line with your family’s values (such as some families not wanting their kids to have toy weapons) and the family member continues to gift the child that type of gift, it is manipulative and disrespectful to the parents.

This is exactly it. My mom gives the gifts for the praise and attention.

Yep. The over gifting is exactly that

What's wrong with getting praise and attention? Oh wait, that would take the praise and attention away from you and the PP above.

[Anonymous]

I wish they would put the money they spend on toys in ye olde college fund, that’s what my kids really need. If they did that, the fund would be topped off by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this. My kids are just awash with hundreds of wonderful toys. But it's too much!! What they'd love would be more weekend activities, like passes to Great Country farms, soccer, the science museum, their favorite restaurant (dd has one that she begs us nonstop to go to). And another crazy thing is all the duplicates we get. I try to grab the toy before they rip it open so that I can donate it or regift it when it's in unused condition. The only thing I need less than toys is duplicates of the same toy we already own.

I just try to let it all go. I get that family doesn't want to take my kids places or do activities and toys are just an easy filler. Each set of parents spends about $500 each on my kids, so there's just mountains of toys.

wow, that is an insane amount.

I think that is what some of you aren’t getting about those of us complaining. It’s not about someone buying our kids a few toys that might not be what we’d choose ourselves. It’s about our repeated requests to please consider our space constraints/toys already in the playroom getting ignored because they want the kids to have the temporary thrill of opening something, which they will lose interest in within a day. It’s just so incredibly wasteful, it creates a continuous exhausting cycle of purging (3 kids x birthdays, Easter baskets, Christmas gifts, etc. adds up), and it goes against our desire not to have our children become obscenely spoiled with things or to associate affection with material goods. If it was in moderation it would be fine, but sometimes you start to dread the packages that start arriving a month before Christmas. I do give stuff away on my Buy Nothing Group or donate if it’s new in box. But managing and overwhelming amount of stuff is not what I want to do with my time.

Lord you are insufferable. Your kids are not going to become spoiled because their grandparents give them gifts a few times a year. Maybe you need to dial back your own spoiling.

[Anonymous]

Purge and donate. Be ruthless. Use social media so that the gift givers also know that you are getting rid of the toys.

Also, coordinate with the grandparents and insist that the gifts they give will be kept at the grandparents house so that your kids can play with the toys when they visit.

Be clear that you will be donating all toys this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You sound like my SIL. She screeches at all the family members not to buy toys, and then gets her kids a massive load of toys from “Santa.” I’m guessing you don’t mind your kids having toys, you just want to be the one who experiences the joy of giving them.

Not OP, but that's not my issue. Unlike OP, my parents (really my mom) buy my kids lots of cheap-o toys. The PP who said grandma with the TJ Maxx haul nailed it. We don't have space for it, and my kids don't play with them. If she were buying Lego sets or Magnatiles or sports equipment or any of the other suggestions on this thread, that would be great! But she resists all attempts at wish lists, gift suggestions, etc. She likes them to open a lot of gifts without a lot of rhyme or reason on whether the gifts are appropriate (one example: a 1000-piece puzzle that is basically all one color that she gave them last year). Yes, I donate and give away on Buy Nothing, but it does take time and effort, and it would be so much better not to receive it in the first place.

This is the type of thing where the gift giver is making it about *them*, which is rude. Giving a gift should be about the recipient and whether it’s something they would enjoy and could use. Sure a gracious recipient will say thank you with a smile. But let’s not pretend that disrespecting boundaries and buying age-inappropriate/junky stuff so the gift giver can pat themselves on the back isn’t selfish. And so many grandparents (mine included) specifically say they want to gift lots of (or really big) items so they can see the kids’ eyes light up or whatever. Let’s be real … they are doing it for their own benefit in some backwards attempt to be fawned over by the kids. They want to be adored and told how amazing they are for buying it. And I’ve seen it backfire where a kid doesn’t act appropriately excited about the gift and the grandparent gets upset. I think if a relative is told that your child isn’t into XYZ, or that something is age-inappropriate, or that your house is too small to store it, or even that something is not in line with your family’s values (such as some families not wanting their kids to have toy weapons) and the family member continues to gift the child that type of gift, it is manipulative and disrespectful to the parents.

This is exactly it. My mom gives the gifts for the praise and attention.

Yep. The over gifting is exactly that

What's wrong with getting praise and attention? Oh wait, that would take the praise and attention away from you and the PP above.

Because it isn’t my kids’ job to fulfill your need for attention. Get a puppy. No parent wants their kids to get bombarded with present over load just bc Grandma thinks it makes them love her more. No one needs that much stuff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Wider Circle takes gently used toys.


Other option, put all toys into this big plastic storage bins. Have only 1 (or maybe 2) out at a time. Rotate every couple weeks.

+1 We donate toys to A Wider Circle every year. Our kids gather gently used toys that they no longer play with and we always donate them
a few weeks before Christmas to make room for any new toys that they receive for Christmas.

I love your Joan Crawford approach. She did this with her children and it’s known to have been a wonderful parent
Buy most except for one of her daughters who went rogue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idea for you:

Legendary actress Joan Crawford is infamous for making her children give all of their toys to charity and to the destitute. She was extremely vigilant regarding this practice and there would be no exceptions. Perhaps you could implement this practice in your home. This will keep the gifts out of your home while teaching your children the joy of giving.

+1 (for you. I would not do this with my family)

[Anonymous]

First world problems 🙃

[Anonymous]

You have issues