If anyone gives my kids toys for Christmas, I might scream.

[Anonymous]

Gift giving should be about the recipient. We can’t always get it right as gift givers, but we should try to find gifts that make people happy. When my kids tell me what they want, I give them that. When we tell grandparents what the kids want, we expect to receive something off the list.
It places a burden on us and the environment if they send 5 boxes with five below toys that get unwrapped and then tossed in the trash.
I find American culture in general very self focused. The gift giver needs to not make it about themselves.

[Anonymous]

You can’t control what your parents do. If YOU don’t want your kids to have gifts then when granny gives them to your kids YOU take them away before they open them or open them and give to goodwill.

[Anonymous]

My former SIL used to tell us what she wanted the kids to have. We asked the kids what they wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. It is totally reasonable to be frustrated. There are of course worse problems in life, but six big new lego sets over the holiday season? Makes my skin crawl. Of course you can deal with disposing or donating what you don't need, but it makes it a task for you. And if it's for every holiday, birthday, etc., it just wastes everyone's time and money and has a cumulative effect (having to either keep making space in your house or keep making excuses why gifts are not around/being used, etc.). I'm not sure why people don't seem to be able to conceptualize this?

Oh, I can conceptualize it. But it doesn't matter if you are frustrated/indisposed by someone giving your child a gift. It's still not polite to dictate what they can give you and/or to complain about the effect on you.

Here on DCUM, venting, okay.

Anything else sounds entitled.

I find it odd that it’s entitled to want fewer things. Most frustrated posters on here simply sound like overwhelmed parents who are asking their parents to please respect their limits.

I also find it odd that all the etiquette of gift giving seems to go out the window when it comes to grandparents giving things to grandchildren. I guarantee if your neighbor kept bringing you a bunch of unwanted, excessive items multiple times per year that required continual purging and donating, you’d be pretty darn annoyed. Especially if you explained your limitations on accepting the items. But because it’s a grandparent they are automatically entitled to gift whenever and whatever they’d like so long as it makes them feel good, and if you feel anything less than absolute gratitude you’re an awful parent. Got it.

[Anonymous]

All the toys drove me crazy too. It’s bad for the kids - they get so many toys, they don’t appreciate them. It is so much junk everywhere. It’s enforcing materialism. It is absolutely horrible for the environment. So much plastic ends up in the landfills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. It is totally reasonable to be frustrated. There are of course worse problems in life, but six big new lego sets over the holiday season? Makes my skin crawl. Of course you can deal with disposing or donating what you don't need, but it makes it a task for you. And if it's for every holiday, birthday, etc., it just wastes everyone's time and money and has a cumulative effect (having to either keep making space in your house or keep making excuses why gifts are not around/being used, etc.). I'm not sure why people don't seem to be able to conceptualize this?

Oh, I can conceptualize it. But it doesn't matter if you are frustrated/indisposed by someone giving your child a gift. It's still not polite to dictate what they can give you and/or to complain about the effect on you.

Here on DCUM, venting, okay.

Anything else sounds entitled.

I find it odd that it’s entitled to want fewer things. Most frustrated posters on here simply sound like overwhelmed parents who are asking their parents to please respect their limits.

I also find it odd that all the etiquette of gift giving seems to go out the window when it comes to grandparents giving things to grandchildren. I guarantee if your neighbor kept bringing you a bunch of unwanted, excessive items multiple times per year that required continual purging and donating, you’d be pretty darn annoyed. Especially if you explained your limitations on accepting the items. But because it’s a grandparent they are automatically entitled to gift whenever and whatever they’d like so long as it makes them feel good, and if you feel anything less than absolute gratitude you’re an awful parent. Got it.

No one has denied that it's annoying. Some of us are saying we put up with the annoyance (and just donate the extra toys) because we appreciate that this thing that is annoying to us brings our own parents happiness and is one way that they like to bond with their grandchildren. I'm sorry you don't like your parents and in-laws and consider them on the same level as a neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. It is totally reasonable to be frustrated. There are of course worse problems in life, but six big new lego sets over the holiday season? Makes my skin crawl. Of course you can deal with disposing or donating what you don't need, but it makes it a task for you. And if it's for every holiday, birthday, etc., it just wastes everyone's time and money and has a cumulative effect (having to either keep making space in your house or keep making excuses why gifts are not around/being used, etc.). I'm not sure why people don't seem to be able to conceptualize this?

Oh, I can conceptualize it. But it doesn't matter if you are frustrated/indisposed by someone giving your child a gift. It's still not polite to dictate what they can give you and/or to complain about the effect on you.

Here on DCUM, venting, okay.

Anything else sounds entitled.

I find it odd that it’s entitled to want fewer things. Most frustrated posters on here simply sound like overwhelmed parents who are asking their parents to please respect their limits.

I also find it odd that all the etiquette of gift giving seems to go out the window when it comes to grandparents giving things to grandchildren. I guarantee if your neighbor kept bringing you a bunch of unwanted, excessive items multiple times per year that required continual purging and donating, you’d be pretty darn annoyed. Especially if you explained your limitations on accepting the items. But because it’s a grandparent they are automatically entitled to gift whenever and whatever they’d like so long as it makes them feel good, and if you feel anything less than absolute gratitude you’re an awful parent. Got it.

No one has denied that it's annoying. Some of us are saying we put up with the annoyance (and just donate the extra toys) because we appreciate that this thing that is annoying to us brings our own parents happiness and is one way that they like to bond with their grandchildren. I'm sorry you don't like your parents and in-laws and consider them on the same level as a neighbor.

NP here. There is no need to be mean and you know that's not what PP was saying at all. I had a wonderful relationship with my grandparents and we didn't need to bond over gifts. Yes, they bought me presents but a normal amount--3-4 things. My parents give my kids 10-12 gifts each and my ILs give them 3-4 gifts each. They are not closer to my parents than my ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. It is totally reasonable to be frustrated. There are of course worse problems in life, but six big new lego sets over the holiday season? Makes my skin crawl. Of course you can deal with disposing or donating what you don't need, but it makes it a task for you. And if it's for every holiday, birthday, etc., it just wastes everyone's time and money and has a cumulative effect (having to either keep making space in your house or keep making excuses why gifts are not around/being used, etc.). I'm not sure why people don't seem to be able to conceptualize this?

Oh, I can conceptualize it. But it doesn't matter if you are frustrated/indisposed by someone giving your child a gift. It's still not polite to dictate what they can give you and/or to complain about the effect on you.

Here on DCUM, venting, okay.

Anything else sounds entitled.

I find it odd that it’s entitled to want fewer things. Most frustrated posters on here simply sound like overwhelmed parents who are asking their parents to please respect their limits.

I also find it odd that all the etiquette of gift giving seems to go out the window when it comes to grandparents giving things to grandchildren. I guarantee if your neighbor kept bringing you a bunch of unwanted, excessive items multiple times per year that required continual purging and donating, you’d be pretty darn annoyed. Especially if you explained your limitations on accepting the items. But because it’s a grandparent they are automatically entitled to gift whenever and whatever they’d like so long as it makes them feel good, and if you feel anything less than absolute gratitude you’re an awful parent. Got it.

You are not responsible for maintaining gift giving etiquette for your parents, or anyone else. If someone gives you a present, you are only responsible for your gift GETTING etiquette, which sounds lacking in many of these posts.

If your parents wrote in to DCUM and talked about the gifts they like to give etc, we would tell them to pay attention to (hopefully subtle) clues from their grandchildren and their parents - we would help them develop good gift giving etiquette, in other words.

But OP wrote in and clearly is violating gift GETTING etiquette - and that's what we/I am responding to. You are only responsible for yourself - especially in terms of gifts. Again, repeat after me: No one owes you or your child a present. If you get one, be grateful, and donate it if don't want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. It is totally reasonable to be frustrated. There are of course worse problems in life, but six big new lego sets over the holiday season? Makes my skin crawl. Of course you can deal with disposing or donating what you don't need, but it makes it a task for you. And if it's for every holiday, birthday, etc., it just wastes everyone's time and money and has a cumulative effect (having to either keep making space in your house or keep making excuses why gifts are not around/being used, etc.). I'm not sure why people don't seem to be able to conceptualize this?

Oh, I can conceptualize it. But it doesn't matter if you are frustrated/indisposed by someone giving your child a gift. It's still not polite to dictate what they can give you and/or to complain about the effect on you.

Here on DCUM, venting, okay.

Anything else sounds entitled.

I find it odd that it’s entitled to want fewer things. Most frustrated posters on here simply sound like overwhelmed parents who are asking their parents to please respect their limits.

I also find it odd that all the etiquette of gift giving seems to go out the window when it comes to grandparents giving things to grandchildren. I guarantee if your neighbor kept bringing you a bunch of unwanted, excessive items multiple times per year that required continual purging and donating, you’d be pretty darn annoyed. Especially if you explained your limitations on accepting the items. But because it’s a grandparent they are automatically entitled to gift whenever and whatever they’d like so long as it makes them feel good, and if you feel anything less than absolute gratitude you’re an awful parent. Got it.

You are not responsible for maintaining gift giving etiquette for your parents, or anyone else. If someone gives you a present, you are only responsible for your gift GETTING etiquette, which sounds lacking in many of these posts.

If your parents wrote in to DCUM and talked about the gifts they like to give etc, we would tell them to pay attention to (hopefully subtle) clues from their grandchildren and their parents - we would help them develop good gift giving etiquette, in other words.

But OP wrote in and clearly is violating gift GETTING etiquette - and that's what we/I am responding to. You are only responsible for yourself - especially in terms of gifts. Again, repeat after me: No one owes you or your child a present. If you get one, be grateful, and donate it if don't want it.

I agree with you about gifts generally, but the grandparent situation can be distinguished (especially a local grandparent). My ILs are frequent visitors and gift-givers. They know our house and exactly how much space we have, what toys the kids have, how much clutter there is, how full their drawers and closets are. They see our children frequently, so can ask about their interests and even for specific gift ideas. We should be able to have some limits with them, and they should respect those limits. And that doesn't mean we hate them or think of them as mere neighbors. It's the opposite.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing these are your in-laws. Regardless, you sound like you have some resentments going on that you may need to resolve. This is about more Ethan the gifts (obviously).

Give them to charity or throw them away. Easy fix.

[Anonymous]

Your concerns are verry mommy dearest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. It is totally reasonable to be frustrated. There are of course worse problems in life, but six big new lego sets over the holiday season? Makes my skin crawl. Of course you can deal with disposing or donating what you don't need, but it makes it a task for you. And if it's for every holiday, birthday, etc., it just wastes everyone's time and money and has a cumulative effect (having to either keep making space in your house or keep making excuses why gifts are not around/being used, etc.). I'm not sure why people don't seem to be able to conceptualize this?

Oh, I can conceptualize it. But it doesn't matter if you are frustrated/indisposed by someone giving your child a gift. It's still not polite to dictate what they can give you and/or to complain about the effect on you.

Here on DCUM, venting, okay.

Anything else sounds entitled.

I find it odd that it’s entitled to want fewer things. Most frustrated posters on here simply sound like overwhelmed parents who are asking their parents to please respect their limits.

I also find it odd that all the etiquette of gift giving seems to go out the window when it comes to grandparents giving things to grandchildren. I guarantee if your neighbor kept bringing you a bunch of unwanted, excessive items multiple times per year that required continual purging and donating, you’d be pretty darn annoyed. Especially if you explained your limitations on accepting the items. But because it’s a grandparent they are automatically entitled to gift whenever and whatever they’d like so long as it makes them feel good, and if you feel anything less than absolute gratitude you’re an awful parent. Got it.

You are not responsible for maintaining gift giving etiquette for your parents, or anyone else. If someone gives you a present, you are only responsible for your gift GETTING etiquette, which sounds lacking in many of these posts.

If your parents wrote in to DCUM and talked about the gifts they like to give etc, we would tell them to pay attention to (hopefully subtle) clues from their grandchildren and their parents - we would help them develop good gift giving etiquette, in other words.

But OP wrote in and clearly is violating gift GETTING etiquette - and that's what we/I am responding to. You are only responsible for yourself - especially in terms of gifts. Again, repeat after me: No one owes you or your child a present. If you get one, be grateful, and donate it if don't want it.

I agree with you about gifts generally, but the grandparent situation can be distinguished (especially a local grandparent). My ILs are frequent visitors and gift-givers. They know our house and exactly how much space we have, what toys the kids have, how much clutter there is, how full their drawers and closets are. They see our children frequently, so can ask about their interests and even for specific gift ideas. We should be able to have some limits with them, and they should respect those limits. And that doesn't mean we hate them or think of them as mere neighbors. It's the opposite.

I wasn’t the PP who said you thought of them as neighbors. And I’m sure local grandparents who give over the top gifts are annoying AF. Still. Still! It’s your job as a parent to help kids be gracious gift getters. You can’t control anything beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. It is totally reasonable to be frustrated. There are of course worse problems in life, but six big new lego sets over the holiday season? Makes my skin crawl. Of course you can deal with disposing or donating what you don't need, but it makes it a task for you. And if it's for every holiday, birthday, etc., it just wastes everyone's time and money and has a cumulative effect (having to either keep making space in your house or keep making excuses why gifts are not around/being used, etc.). I'm not sure why people don't seem to be able to conceptualize this?

Oh, I can conceptualize it. But it doesn't matter if you are frustrated/indisposed by someone giving your child a gift. It's still not polite to dictate what they can give you and/or to complain about the effect on you.

Here on DCUM, venting, okay.

Anything else sounds entitled.

I find it odd that it’s entitled to want fewer things. Most frustrated posters on here simply sound like overwhelmed parents who are asking their parents to please respect their limits.

I also find it odd that all the etiquette of gift giving seems to go out the window when it comes to grandparents giving things to grandchildren. I guarantee if your neighbor kept bringing you a bunch of unwanted, excessive items multiple times per year that required continual purging and donating, you’d be pretty darn annoyed. Especially if you explained your limitations on accepting the items. But because it’s a grandparent they are automatically entitled to gift whenever and whatever they’d like so long as it makes them feel good, and if you feel anything less than absolute gratitude you’re an awful parent. Got it.

Not toys but the same idea... My mother gifts my kids some of the ugliest, tackiest stuff I have ever seen. Clothing with sequined butterflies, tutu dresses with cartoons and sayings like "cutest pumpkin in the patch" and Disney character shirts galore. I hate, hate, hate that stuff. But I dutifully dress them up and send pictures because it makes my mother happy, it makes the kids happy and it helps them bond. Besides the kids love paw patrol and glitter outfits and I would never buy that stuff ever, so let them enjoy. A few weeks later when they get tired of it I round it all up and put it in the donation bin for another kid to enjoy (and some other mom to roll her eyes lol). There's a donation bin on the way to school and another at the gas station. It's really no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. It is totally reasonable to be frustrated. There are of course worse problems in life, but six big new lego sets over the holiday season? Makes my skin crawl. Of course you can deal with disposing or donating what you don't need, but it makes it a task for you. And if it's for every holiday, birthday, etc., it just wastes everyone's time and money and has a cumulative effect (having to either keep making space in your house or keep making excuses why gifts are not around/being used, etc.). I'm not sure why people don't seem to be able to conceptualize this?

Oh, I can conceptualize it. But it doesn't matter if you are frustrated/indisposed by someone giving your child a gift. It's still not polite to dictate what they can give you and/or to complain about the effect on you.

Here on DCUM, venting, okay.

Anything else sounds entitled.

I find it odd that it’s entitled to want fewer things. Most frustrated posters on here simply sound like overwhelmed parents who are asking their parents to please respect their limits.

I also find it odd that all the etiquette of gift giving seems to go out the window when it comes to grandparents giving things to grandchildren. I guarantee if your neighbor kept bringing you a bunch of unwanted, excessive items multiple times per year that required continual purging and donating, you’d be pretty darn annoyed. Especially if you explained your limitations on accepting the items. But because it’s a grandparent they are automatically entitled to gift whenever and whatever they’d like so long as it makes them feel good, and if you feel anything less than absolute gratitude you’re an awful parent. Got it.

Not toys but the same idea... My mother gifts my kids some of the ugliest, tackiest stuff I have ever seen. Clothing with sequined butterflies, tutu dresses with cartoons and sayings like "cutest pumpkin in the patch" and Disney character shirts galore. I hate, hate, hate that stuff. But I dutifully dress them up and send pictures because it makes my mother happy, it makes the kids happy and it helps them bond. Besides the kids love paw patrol and glitter outfits and I would never buy that stuff ever, so let them enjoy. A few weeks later when they get tired of it I round it all up and put it in the donation bin for another kid to enjoy (and some other mom to roll her eyes lol). There's a donation bin on the way to school and another at the gas station. It's really no big deal.

My kids have been playing with a stuffed mechanical dog that sings "La Bamba" for four hours. Thanks, mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your concerns are verry mommy dearest.

Totally.