3rd kid at 43.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many Debbie Downers on this thread. And you all seem to be tremendously out of shape. I had my kids at 41 and 45, I am now 61 and my kids and I train for our century bike rides every weekend.

Get off the couch! Who could possibly be tired in their 40s and 50s??

Talk to us when you're 71, or 75, and a new grandmother and can't do squat with your grandkids and are simply a burden on everybody.

-- 61 year old with three grandkids who can actually lend a hand

My mom will be 74 in a few months and has actually indicated I should have another in order to try for a girl. Um, no. She does not help out really much at all, and based on my family’s poor health history her and my dad would be lucky to make it to see another grandkid make it to the toddler years. Add in abortion rights no longer being a thing in the US and it’s downright stupid for a woman this age to have more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many Debbie Downers on this thread. And you all seem to be tremendously out of shape. I had my kids at 41 and 45, I am now 61 and my kids and I train for our century bike rides every weekend.

Get off the couch! Who could possibly be tired in their 40s and 50s??

Talk to us when you're 71, or 75, and a new grandmother and can't do squat with your grandkids and are simply a burden on everybody.

-- 61 year old with three grandkids who can actually lend a hand

What? I don’t think being a young grandmother so you “lend a hand” is the flex you think it is…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend had two kids after 40 (her first, with no medical assistance). They are healthy and great. She is a very happy mom.

I adopted my only at 43. She has been the joy of my life (but again, I had no other children). It was hard to move her in and out of college in my 60's, but most of parenting does not involve physical challenges (especially as they age). Because I am older, we have more discretionary income, I have more career flexibility (since I have achieved a certain level of success), that allows me to take her on great trips and send her to great camps. Of course, there is also the life experience you bring to the task, which a young mom would not have acquired.

Hard choice, but it can work.

I like how you say “she is a very happy mom.” That, of course, isn’t the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confirmation bias. People always believe the choice they made was the right one.

OP isn't going to get any valuable info here. People are just saying the choice they made was correct, whatever it was.

This is almost right. What I think is more accurate is that these 40+ mothers are being defensive because they know in their heart of hearts that theirs was a selfish decision. Having babies after 40 is ridiculous.

Why would 38 be fine, but 41 be ridiculous? Living according to some arbitrary book of rules (that only exists in other people's heads) is ridiculous.

It’s not an “arbitrary book of rules.” It’s biology. Starting at 38 ain’t great either tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confirmation bias. People always believe the choice they made was the right one.

OP isn't going to get any valuable info here. People are just saying the choice they made was correct, whatever it was.

This is almost right. What I think is more accurate is that these 40+ mothers are being defensive because they know in their heart of hearts that theirs was a selfish decision. Having babies after 40 is ridiculous.

Agreed.
"I am so glad I have older parents" said no one ever.

Uhhh me? My dad was 45 when I was born. He’s 90 now and in good health. I’m grateful for every year I get with him. I loved having an older parent. He was far into his career and had done really well, so I had a lot of opportunities growing up and graduated college/law school debt free. He had also had a lot of life experience; he was and still is the person I go to for advice. He was a great role model.

It never crossed my mind that he was older than my friends parents. We ran half marathons together when he was in his sixties. He is a loving grandfather though he doesn’t do any childcare. But then again he wouldn’t have done it when he was younger either - he didn’t retire until his mid 70s. He has funded 529s for my kids as well at UTMA accounts. Very glad he had me in his 40s and not when he was a poor army kid at 22.

I think it’s really sad that almost all of the positives that you have identified about your old father is how much of a money machine he was because of his age.

I have a good friend whose parents had her in their 40s. Not only has she always been keenly aware of their ages, she’s been worried about losing them since she was a friggin teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many Debbie Downers on this thread. And you all seem to be tremendously out of shape. I had my kids at 41 and 45, I am now 61 and my kids and I train for our century bike rides every weekend.

Get off the couch! Who could possibly be tired in their 40s and 50s??

Talk to us when you're 71, or 75, and a new grandmother and can't do squat with your grandkids and are simply a burden on everybody.

-- 61 year old with three grandkids who can actually lend a hand

What? I don’t think being a young grandmother so you “lend a hand” is the flex you think it is…

You don’t know my family or my awesome grandchildren. In any event, I’d rather be in a position to lend a hand than to need one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confirmation bias. People always believe the choice they made was the right one.

OP isn't going to get any valuable info here. People are just saying the choice they made was correct, whatever it was.

This is almost right. What I think is more accurate is that these 40+ mothers are being defensive because they know in their heart of hearts that theirs was a selfish decision. Having babies after 40 is ridiculous.

Why would 38 be fine, but 41 be ridiculous? Living according to some arbitrary book of rules (that only exists in other people's heads) is ridiculous.

This.
I had my 2 children at 37 and 41. DH and I got married at 32 and I have PCOS, so we dealt with (non-age-related) infertility.
Would I have liked to have had children at a younger age? Sure. But life didn't work out that way, and I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. Family genetics are on my side (grandparents and most of my parents' generations all lived relatively healthy lives into their late 80s/early 90s), and I take care of my health and body as best I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally would not have a kid in my 40s. Had my youngest at 35 and even that is kinda pushing it IMO. My husband and I know multiple people our age, who are still in their prime and who’s kids are off to college. A few even are already grandparents. And my youngest is just starting elementary. It is what it is, but if given the choice I would of had them younger.

You are 40-42 and know multiple people your age who are already grandparents? I know of one that age...she had her daughter our senior year of high school. I wouldn't exactly make light of teen pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many Debbie Downers on this thread. And you all seem to be tremendously out of shape. I had my kids at 41 and 45, I am now 61 and my kids and I train for our century bike rides every weekend.

Get off the couch! Who could possibly be tired in their 40s and 50s??

Talk to us when you're 71, or 75, and a new grandmother and can't do squat with your grandkids and are simply a burden on everybody.

-- 61 year old with three grandkids who can actually lend a hand

What is with the tone, it is not a competition.

[Anonymous]

My mom, who was a young mother, talks about sitting home in her twenties envying women who could still go out and socialize.

Because I was an older mom, I had none of that. All of my wanderlust had been satisfied. I felt so fortunate to be a mom. I savored every moment of the experience.

I don't think one is better or worse. People should share their experiences, but not try to "win" this discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had two kids after 40 (her first, with no medical assistance). They are healthy and great. She is a very happy mom.

I adopted my only at 43. She has been the joy of my life (but again, I had no other children). It was hard to move her in and out of college in my 60's, but most of parenting does not involve physical challenges (especially as they age). Because I am older, we have more discretionary income, I have more career flexibility (since I have achieved a certain level of success), that allows me to take her on great trips and send her to great camps. Of course, there is also the life experience you bring to the task, which a young mom would not have acquired.

Hard choice, but it can work.

I like how you say “she is a very happy mom.” That, of course, isn’t the point.

OP is wondering if she should take the plunge. My friend did and is very happy with her decision.

Why are you being so obtuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many Debbie Downers on this thread. And you all seem to be tremendously out of shape. I had my kids at 41 and 45, I am now 61 and my kids and I train for our century bike rides every weekend.

Get off the couch! Who could possibly be tired in their 40s and 50s??

Talk to us when you're 71, or 75, and a new grandmother and can't do squat with your grandkids and are simply a burden on everybody.

-- 61 year old with three grandkids who can actually lend a hand

My mom will be 74 in a few months and has actually indicated I should have another in order to try for a girl. Um, no. She does not help out really much at all, and based on my family’s poor health history her and my dad would be lucky to make it to see another grandkid make it to the toddler years. Add in abortion rights no longer being a thing in the US and it’s downright stupid for a woman this age to have more kids.

Well, one thing I think we can all agree on is that it’s stupid to have another child because your MOM thinks you should.

[Anonymous]

My sister had her 4th at 42 and she has Down Syndrome and had some pretty serious additional health complications at birth (fortunately resolved now but required multiple surgeries.) My BiL is ten years older. Planning for her long term care takes serious effort because she will likely outlive them significantly.

An acquaintance of mine just had twins at 45 after a lot of effort. They were born at 33 weeks because of pre-eclampsia. So far they’re doing well, but will likely have a prolonged stay in the NICU.

Of course, I know plenty of other people who had smooth pregnancies at 43 and others who had challenges at much younger ages. But those are the two stories that come to mind when I think about age related complications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confirmation bias. People always believe the choice they made was the right one.

OP isn't going to get any valuable info here. People are just saying the choice they made was correct, whatever it was.

This is almost right. What I think is more accurate is that these 40+ mothers are being defensive because they know in their heart of hearts that theirs was a selfish decision. Having babies after 40 is ridiculous.

Agreed.
"I am so glad I have older parents" said no one ever.

Uhhh me? My dad was 45 when I was born. He’s 90 now and in good health. I’m grateful for every year I get with him. I loved having an older parent. He was far into his career and had done really well, so I had a lot of opportunities growing up and graduated college/law school debt free. He had also had a lot of life experience; he was and still is the person I go to for advice. He was a great role model.

It never crossed my mind that he was older than my friends parents. We ran half marathons together when he was in his sixties. He is a loving grandfather though he doesn’t do any childcare. But then again he wouldn’t have done it when he was younger either - he didn’t retire until his mid 70s. He has funded 529s for my kids as well at UTMA accounts. Very glad he had me in his 40s and not when he was a poor army kid at 22.

I think it’s really sad that almost all of the positives that you have identified about your old father is how much of a money machine he was because of his age.

I have a good friend whose parents had her in their 40s. Not only has she always been keenly aware of their ages, she’s been worried about losing them since she was a friggin teenager.

Well, hold on - that's not what I said. I was responding to the PP who said, "no one is ever glad to have older parents." And I'm here saying, yeah, actually I am glad because at 22, he was in the army. At 30, he was fresh out of business school and working crazy hours to start his career. At 45, he was everything that a good younger parent would be (attentive, loving, emotionally supportive, physically active) PLUS he had life experience to impart, was in a solid place in his profession and more mature. The money is an added benefit for sure - why would that be sad? I'm not saying he was a good dad because of the money... he was a good dad regardless.

What did I miss out on by having an old dad? It wasn't like he was in an old folks home when I was in high school. He was coaching my softball team and traveling to all my meets.

I guess I was always aware he could die, but it wasn't something I ever remember worrying about. Probably because he was healthy and active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many Debbie Downers on this thread. And you all seem to be tremendously out of shape. I had my kids at 41 and 45, I am now 61 and my kids and I train for our century bike rides every weekend.

Get off the couch! Who could possibly be tired in their 40s and 50s??

Talk to us when you're 71, or 75, and a new grandmother and can't do squat with your grandkids and are simply a burden on everybody.

-- 61 year old with three grandkids who can actually lend a hand

What? I don’t think being a young grandmother so you “lend a hand” is the flex you think it is…

You don’t know my family or my awesome grandchildren. In any event, I’d rather be in a position to lend a hand than to need one.

I saw your awesome grandson eat his own booger yesterday. It was awesome.