I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.

Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.

Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.

LA should have better acceleration too.

Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.

dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.

Mold them into the child you want!

+100

I'm the OP of this thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

and I 100% agree that you can mold your kids into the child you want. I don't love my kid the way he naturally is -- lazy, uninclined to challenge himself, not willing to push beyond his comfort zone. I made it clear to him that I will only love and support my kid if he tries his best at academics and everything he's involved in (irrespective of achievement). If not, I told him that I am ready to take away every comfort and privilege we have for him.

Kids in the DMV are too spoiled. Too sheltered, resilient, and lack grit. They don't know how to keep trying at something they're naturally bad at.

This is sincerely sad. I love my children the way they naturally are. How can your love be conditional?

I support my kids and provide opportunity. I don’t mold them into people they aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father is dying and I had a conversation with my siblings recently where we noted that unfortunately we literally have NO happy memories of having spent time with him while growing up.

He was a 'very busy doctor' and missed every significant milestone in our lives. In college, I found out later that most of my friends just assumed that my parents were divorced and that my dad had abandoned us since they had literally never met him, seen him, I never mentioned him, etc.

I still remember how he had literally nothing to say to me on the day of my wedding because he really had never been a part of our lives.

My siblings and I have seriously discussed inventing stories for a eulogy about how he sang us songs and made us pancakes on Sunday mornings since we have absolutely no family traditions, stories, etc. that have him in them.

If success is being absent from your family or alternately having kids who make a lot of money but move thousands of miles away and we get to see them three or four days a year then you can count me out.

Ha ha. I loved this. My FIL was a successful POS NPD person. I made up things about how he was a supportive person on his memorial and basically every single close fa,ily person lied about him. Not one good memory and only bad horrific memories. None of us could say that he was a kind, loving, interesting, quirky, warm etc etc person. I hope I never meet him again in another life. He was like a punishment from hell for grave sins that you must have committed in previous lifetimes. The same goes for my brother in law. He is like a demonic person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.

Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.

Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.

LA should have better acceleration too.

Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.

dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.

Mold them into the child you want!

+100

I'm the OP of this thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

and I 100% agree that you can mold your kids into the child you want. I don't love my kid the way he naturally is -- lazy, uninclined to challenge himself, not willing to push beyond his comfort zone. I made it clear to him that I will only love and support my kid if he tries his best at academics and everything he's involved in (irrespective of achievement). If not, I told him that I am ready to take away every comfort and privilege we have for him.

Kids in the DMV are too spoiled. Too sheltered, resilient, and lack grit. They don't know how to keep trying at something they're naturally bad at.

The joke seems to be on you. Very likely your kid turned out this way not only because of their natural inclination but also because of their interaction with you. In a way, you have had the ultimate impact on their motivation. A parent who can dial down the punitive statements (Seriously, You don't love your kid they way he naturally is?) may have had a child who could naturally motivate themselves. Perhaps you coddled him too much when he was younger, otherwise why would your child be like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.

Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.

Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.

LA should have better acceleration too.

Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.

dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.

Mold them into the child you want!

+100

I'm the OP of this thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

and I 100% agree that you can mold your kids into the child you want. I don't love my kid the way he naturally is -- lazy, uninclined to challenge himself, not willing to push beyond his comfort zone. I made it clear to him that I will only love and support my kid if he tries his best at academics and everything he's involved in (irrespective of achievement). If not, I told him that I am ready to take away every comfort and privilege we have for him.

Kids in the DMV are too spoiled. Too sheltered, resilient, and lack grit. They don't know how to keep trying at something they're naturally bad at.

Is there a reason why you created two topics to push your parenting method? One topic where people thought you were crazy wasn't enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.

Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.

Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.

LA should have better acceleration too.

Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.

dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.

Mold them into the child you want!

+100

I'm the OP of this thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

and I 100% agree that you can mold your kids into the child you want. I don't love my kid the way he naturally is -- lazy, uninclined to challenge himself, not willing to push beyond his comfort zone. I made it clear to him that I will only love and support my kid if he tries his best at academics and everything he's involved in (irrespective of achievement). If not, I told him that I am ready to take away every comfort and privilege we have for him.

Kids in the DMV are too spoiled. Too sheltered, resilient, and lack grit. They don't know how to keep trying at something they're naturally bad at.

The joke seems to be on you. Very likely your kid turned out this way not only because of their natural inclination but also because of their interaction with you. In a way, you have had the ultimate impact on their motivation. A parent who can dial down the punitive statements (Seriously, You don't love your kid they way he naturally is?) may have had a child who could naturally motivate themselves. Perhaps you coddled him too much when he was younger, otherwise why would your child be like this?

This ^

It has never been necessary to abuse my child to get them to try at anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.

Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.

Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.

LA should have better acceleration too.

Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.

dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.

Mold them into the child you want!

+100

I'm the OP of this thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

and I 100% agree that you can mold your kids into the child you want. I don't love my kid the way he naturally is -- lazy, uninclined to challenge himself, not willing to push beyond his comfort zone. I made it clear to him that I will only love and support my kid if he tries his best at academics and everything he's involved in (irrespective of achievement). If not, I told him that I am ready to take away every comfort and privilege we have for him.

Kids in the DMV are too spoiled. Too sheltered, resilient, and lack grit. They don't know how to keep trying at something they're naturally bad at.

The joke seems to be on you. Very likely your kid turned out this way not only because of their natural inclination but also because of their interaction with you. In a way, you have had the ultimate impact on their motivation. A parent who can dial down the punitive statements (Seriously, You don't love your kid they way he naturally is?) may have had a child who could naturally motivate themselves. Perhaps you coddled him too much when he was younger, otherwise why would your child be like this?

This ^

It has never been necessary to abuse my child to get them to try at anything.

Battle Hym of the Tiger Mom had a couple of great pro-tips like the one about burning the kids stuffed animals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Winner if everyone was studying an extra hour or two a day things would be very different same with sports

There needs to be a way to differentiate between talent and spending more time at something. Aap should be based on talent not time spent preparing.

This idea that there is such a thing as 'intelligence' or 'talent' that is meaningful without effort, and that it is somehow more 'real' than achievements that are worked for is a distortion (one that is more common in American culture than many others).

I think the difference to me is that spending more time at something to get good at the actual thing (e.g., reading, writing, mathematics, arts, science, sports) is worthwhile, what I think would be problematic is if you are spending most of the time to beat some artificial hoop (e.g., Cogat test) rather than spending the effort to excel at what actually matters. I get why people do it, but it's a sign of a flawed system.

This is spot on. We have a cultural problem when it is more important to prove that you have the skill than it is to have the skill. This is why standardized exams are deeply problematic - because in many cases they test only for the raw skill rather than the ability to leverage the skill towards the greater good.

Standardized tests aren't meant to be used in isolation to determine someone's potential. That's why they use standardized tests + grades: one shows raw abilities, one shows that you can put in the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Winner if everyone was studying an extra hour or two a day things would be very different same with sports

There needs to be a way to differentiate between talent and spending more time at something. Aap should be based on talent not time spent preparing.

This idea that there is such a thing as 'intelligence' or 'talent' that is meaningful without effort, and that it is somehow more 'real' than achievements that are worked for is a distortion (one that is more common in American culture than many others).

I think the difference to me is that spending more time at something to get good at the actual thing (e.g., reading, writing, mathematics, arts, science, sports) is worthwhile, what I think would be problematic is if you are spending most of the time to beat some artificial hoop (e.g., Cogat test) rather than spending the effort to excel at what actually matters. I get why people do it, but it's a sign of a flawed system.

This is spot on. We have a cultural problem when it is more important to prove that you have the skill than it is to have the skill. This is why standardized exams are deeply problematic - because in many cases they test only for the raw skill rather than the ability to leverage the skill towards the greater good.

Standardized tests aren't meant to be used in isolation to determine someone's potential. That's why they use standardized tests + grades: one shows raw abilities, one shows that you can put in the work.

That's why they're optional at many schools these days. They just aren't all that meaningful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.

Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.

Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.

LA should have better acceleration too.

Yes ! Yes ! Yes ! For goodness sake,where would Bill Gates be without a college degree ?! Push ! Push ! Push !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.

Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.

Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.

LA should have better acceleration too.

Yes ! Yes ! Yes ! For goodness sake,where would Bill Gates be without a college degree ?! Push ! Push ! Push !

Bill Gates did programming in high school...when that was almost unheard of. sometimes it is good to be silent rather than parade your ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.

Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.

Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.

LA should have better acceleration too.

Yes ! Yes ! Yes ! For goodness sake,where would Bill Gates be without a college degree ?! Push ! Push ! Push !

Bill Gates did programming in high school...when that was almost unheard of. sometimes it is good to be silent rather than parade your ignorance.

+1

Bill Gates was programming since he was 13 years old. He forgot to check his privilege, bow down to "equity officers" and stop his accelerated education. He should have studied "Equity, Inclusivity and Diversity".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father is dying and I had a conversation with my siblings recently where we noted that unfortunately we literally have NO happy memories of having spent time with him while growing up.

He was a 'very busy doctor' and missed every significant milestone in our lives. In college, I found out later that most of my friends just assumed that my parents were divorced and that my dad had abandoned us since they had literally never met him, seen him, I never mentioned him, etc.

I still remember how he had literally nothing to say to me on the day of my wedding because he really had never been a part of our lives.

My siblings and I have seriously discussed inventing stories for a eulogy about how he sang us songs and made us pancakes on Sunday mornings since we have absolutely no family traditions, stories, etc. that have him in them.

If success is being absent from your family or alternately having kids who make a lot of money but move thousands of miles away and we get to see them three or four days a year then you can count me out.

Why not talk about how you were able to live very comfortable lives with all the money he made?

Dp here. My dad was an immigrant who never went to high school and worked as a bus driver. He wasn’t the best person on the planet, he had his flaws, but he was a good man and someone I could love and admire. I even used the theme of “good” when I wrote my eulogy for him. I’m sure we grew up with alot less money than pp did, but I suspect given the choice she and her siblings would swap for a dad that they could easily write an admiring eulogy for, even if it meant less money and stuff growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Winner if everyone was studying an extra hour or two a day things would be very different same with sports

There needs to be a way to differentiate between talent and spending more time at something. Aap should be based on talent not time spent preparing.

This idea that there is such a thing as 'intelligence' or 'talent' that is meaningful without effort, and that it is somehow more 'real' than achievements that are worked for is a distortion (one that is more common in American culture than many others).

I think the difference to me is that spending more time at something to get good at the actual thing (e.g., reading, writing, mathematics, arts, science, sports) is worthwhile, what I think would be problematic is if you are spending most of the time to beat some artificial hoop (e.g., Cogat test) rather than spending the effort to excel at what actually matters. I get why people do it, but it's a sign of a flawed system.

This is spot on. We have a cultural problem when it is more important to prove that you have the skill than it is to have the skill. This is why standardized exams are deeply problematic - because in many cases they test only for the raw skill rather than the ability to leverage the skill towards the greater good.

Standardized tests aren't meant to be used in isolation to determine someone's potential. That's why they use standardized tests + grades: one shows raw abilities, one shows that you can put in the work.

That's why they're optional at many schools these days. They just aren't all that meaningful.

That isn't what the PP said. They explained why they are meaningful. But not in isolation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Winner if everyone was studying an extra hour or two a day things would be very different same with sports

There needs to be a way to differentiate between talent and spending more time at something. Aap should be based on talent not time spent preparing.

This idea that there is such a thing as 'intelligence' or 'talent' that is meaningful without effort, and that it is somehow more 'real' than achievements that are worked for is a distortion (one that is more common in American culture than many others).

I think the difference to me is that spending more time at something to get good at the actual thing (e.g., reading, writing, mathematics, arts, science, sports) is worthwhile, what I think would be problematic is if you are spending most of the time to beat some artificial hoop (e.g., Cogat test) rather than spending the effort to excel at what actually matters. I get why people do it, but it's a sign of a flawed system.

This is spot on. We have a cultural problem when it is more important to prove that you have the skill than it is to have the skill. This is why standardized exams are deeply problematic - because in many cases they test only for the raw skill rather than the ability to leverage the skill towards the greater good.

Standardized tests aren't meant to be used in isolation to determine someone's potential. That's why they use standardized tests + grades: one shows raw abilities, one shows that you can put in the work.

That's why they're optional at many schools these days. They just aren't all that meaningful.

I know! More and more the leading schools aren't using these things. They just aren't that helpful in determining much of anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Winner if everyone was studying an extra hour or two a day things would be very different same with sports

There needs to be a way to differentiate between talent and spending more time at something. Aap should be based on talent not time spent preparing.

This idea that there is such a thing as 'intelligence' or 'talent' that is meaningful without effort, and that it is somehow more 'real' than achievements that are worked for is a distortion (one that is more common in American culture than many others).

I think the difference to me is that spending more time at something to get good at the actual thing (e.g., reading, writing, mathematics, arts, science, sports) is worthwhile, what I think would be problematic is if you are spending most of the time to beat some artificial hoop (e.g., Cogat test) rather than spending the effort to excel at what actually matters. I get why people do it, but it's a sign of a flawed system.

This is spot on. We have a cultural problem when it is more important to prove that you have the skill than it is to have the skill. This is why standardized exams are deeply problematic - because in many cases they test only for the raw skill rather than the ability to leverage the skill towards the greater good.

Standardized tests aren't meant to be used in isolation to determine someone's potential. That's why they use standardized tests + grades: one shows raw abilities, one shows that you can put in the work.

That's why they're optional at many schools these days. They just aren't all that meaningful.

I know! More and more the leading schools aren't using these things. They just aren't that helpful in determining much of anything.

That's not why schools are not using standardized tests. The problem is they don't give the results that schools want. That's why (some) schools are moving away from them.