What to do next? Elopement and aggression with first grader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone's child is different PP. You sound bitter, angry and superior.

Other parents are sharing their experiences but you keep coming back and arguing with the ones who do not support your advice and experiences.

I'm not the PP who wrote about her child who took 2 weeks off and took her child out of school but we had an experience similar to hers.

It sounds like you went through a lot and I'm glad to hear your child is doing fine with a strong behavior plan. But sending a child back over and over again to an environment they see as hostile may end up causing your child incredible emotional trauma. This is why it's so important to start with what is causing the behaviors in the first place. For some causes it would make sense to try to keep the child in school but for others it could make things a whole lot worse.

the only point I’m making is that the school needs to be working overtime on addressing the issues keeping the child out of school. If what you’re saying is “give up and send your kid to self-contained” I can’t agree.

You really aren't paying attention to this conversation. I think at least two PPs have said they took their children out of school for a while and the world did not end and they are happier. Your experience is not everyone's experience and the things you are saying are confusing and misleading to people who are in the middle of a crisis.

So only your opinion is correct, and my experience is not? OK. All I can say is that nobody wanted our kid to be removed from school and we all worked very hard on keeping him in school.

[Anonymous]

I'm saying this in the nicest way - you need help. Many people have shared their experiences and all the advice is valid. You are the only one who is saying anyone who disagrees with you is wrong. I'm glad no one wanted your child removed from the school - great - there you go with your superiority complex again. There are others whose schools did want them gone and luckily you have no empathy for those who went through that. You are really a witch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm saying this in the nicest way - you need help. Many people have shared their experiences and all the advice is valid. You are the only one who is saying anyone who disagrees with you is wrong. I'm glad no one wanted your child removed from the school - great - there you go with your superiority complex again. There are others whose schools did want them gone and luckily you have no empathy for those who went through that. You are really a witch.

and I’m saying this in the nicest way - you’re following me around to insult me because something in the way I stand up for my kid with the school triggers you. to the extent of name calling! wow. well good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm saying this in the nicest way - you need help. Many people have shared their experiences and all the advice is valid. You are the only one who is saying anyone who disagrees with you is wrong. I'm glad no one wanted your child removed from the school - great - there you go with your superiority complex again. There are others whose schools did want them gone and luckily you have no empathy for those who went through that. You are really a witch.

and I’m saying this in the nicest way - you’re following me around to insult me because something in the way I stand up for my kid with the school triggers you. to the extent of name calling! wow. well good luck.

and you missed the entire point - you can and often should fight when the school “wants your kid gone” if they haven’t done the right thing to support the child. you have rights and so does your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone's child is different PP. You sound bitter, angry and superior.

Other parents are sharing their experiences but you keep coming back and arguing with the ones who do not support your advice and experiences.

I'm not the PP who wrote about her child who took 2 weeks off and took her child out of school but we had an experience similar to hers.

It sounds like you went through a lot and I'm glad to hear your child is doing fine with a strong behavior plan. But sending a child back over and over again to an environment they see as hostile may end up causing your child incredible emotional trauma. This is why it's so important to start with what is causing the behaviors in the first place. For some causes it would make sense to try to keep the child in school but for others it could make things a whole lot worse.

the only point I’m making is that the school needs to be working overtime on addressing the issues keeping the child out of school. If what you’re saying is “give up and send your kid to self-contained” I can’t agree.

No the school does not need to be working overtime, they need to simply due their due diligence. Gathering ABC data takes 3-4 days, then they must assess the function, maybe 2, then create an FBA, then a BIP. This can take 2+ weeks. Stomping you feet does nothing to make the process faster, unless the school truly wasn’t doing anything.

And no one said that(self contained is the only answer), you again just want your experience to be the only correct one, news flash it isn’t.
Also taking a child out of school only reinforces the behavior if the function is escape, you clearly do not know what you’re talking about…

curious to know why you’re so invested in shooting down parents advocating for their kids.

anyway OP now has an excellent advocate who I presume is pushing the school to take action.

Curious to know why you’re doling out advice when you don’t even understand the function of behavior.
And you are the only one shooting down yourself, can’t be bothered to respond to you anymore. Clearly your meds are not working.

[Anonymous]

How are things for you now that you have that advocate, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are things for you now that you have that advocate, OP?

OP here. The advocate is going to observe and attend our next IEP. School are currently suggesting either a one-to-one aide or a more restrictive environment in DCPS. What we don’t know yet is whether we should stay or try to move him somewhere. But the advocate seems very good so far and I’m feeling a little calmer now that we have him helping us. We are also going to have another consult with a different advocate just to get a second opinion. I am taking on board everyone’s advice.

Guanfacine seems to have helped our DS in the few days he’s taken it, although he is more subdued. I need to get over the “ugh” feeling of medicating him and the advocate was helpful in reframing it as something to help slow him down rather than change him.

Thanks again everyone who commented to share their experiences and suggestions. You all gave me a lot of food for thought and reassurance and great advice. I really appreciate it all and am grateful this board exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are things for you now that you have that advocate, OP?

OP here. The advocate is going to observe and attend our next IEP. School are currently suggesting either a one-to-one aide or a more restrictive environment in DCPS. What we don’t know yet is whether we should stay or try to move him somewhere. But the advocate seems very good so far and I’m feeling a little calmer now that we have him helping us. We are also going to have another consult with a different advocate just to get a second opinion. I am taking on board everyone’s advice.

Guanfacine seems to have helped our DS in the few days he’s taken it, although he is more subdued. I need to get over the “ugh” feeling of medicating him and the advocate was helpful in reframing it as something to help slow him down rather than change him.

Thanks again everyone who commented to share their experiences and suggestions. You all gave me a lot of food for thought and reassurance and great advice. I really appreciate it all and am grateful this board exists.

I am so, so glad to hear that. Just not having to deal with the school alone anymore takes more stress off you than you'd realize. Hopefully in a couple weeks the meds will smooth out in his system more as well. I like the idea of calling for a second opinion, and I wouldn't rule out a third opinion either. I interviewed 4 different advocates before I found one I felt comfortable with for my DS. Don't ever feel guilty about ending a relationship at any time with someone taking your money.

[Anonymous]

Zoloft. My child was having behaviors like this and Zoloft flipped the switch in 3 days. Honestly 3 days. She’s still an anxious kid, but she can function now.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Just wanted to post to say that for my 2e son (now in middle school), 1st grade was our low point. I think it was the combination of work that was way too easy with increased expectations for sitting and complying with classroom norms. He spent most of the year sitting under the table, with some elopement episodes when he was challenged. We applied to two private schools known for taking kids with differences but both rejected him despite his high IQ. He ended up later being accepted into the gifted magnet program and is now mainstreamed in middle school doing fairly well (although we certainly still have challenges.).
We definitely needed stimulant medication but there was some trial in error. He had a bad reaction to certain generics so we needed a note on his pharmacy file not to sub out generic brands —- there was one that made him super volatile. But the stimulants really are the best at controlling impulsive behavior if you find the right one. We also did a session with Alford baker and did regular CBT/play therapy although I m not sure how much that helped. If your son has a bigh IQ he might be able to benefit from some of the CBT books for kids like my mouth is a volcano or what to do when you worry too much. (Look them up on Amazon then thumb through the ones it says other people bought.)
I think it’s also important to identify the triggers and what your son’s soothing mechanisms are. My son calmed himself by reading so he was allowed ot just read a book when upset. We also had in his plan that if upset the adults should give him some space and not challenge him—when adults tried to argue with him or just order him to do something, that was causing elopement but if they backed off for a few minutes, he could comply. Once or twice they had to send someone from the office to just watch him when he was being non compliant. I also suggested giving him a drink of water when he started to get that upset. This is also a DBT trick but the cooling effect of the water going down your throat actually has a physiological effect on relaxing the muscles and calming the central nervous system. The more you can work with the school to identify the triggers and the interventions that work best for your son, the better. Our s book appreciated my giving them tools. We also did stuff like send in a bumpy seat for the chair, etc (although sometimes he threw that so that wasn’t the most effective—but looks for things that would work). He was also allowed to chew gum hecause the sensory input was calming to him.
I agree a FBA could help (we never got them to give us that, but we did have his psychologist sit in on class once or twice to observe and make recommendations).
One thing that helped turn it around was his second grade teacher who was trained in gifted Ed and was just fabulous — he just was very proactive about keeping my kid engaged and being very encouraging while at the same time establishing very clear classroom rules. If you can figure out what type of teacher your kid needs, the school may give you priority in assignments for next year. I think this teacher really stepped up and took a kid that was likely identified as a problem and turned him into a kid that everyone recognized as being one of the brightest at the school. It sort of helped that he had very high test results because I think at least some people realized there was something there, if they could figure out how to reach him. That’s one way that the 2E kids have a benefit.
Good luck and hang in there!
PS I’ll throw out my one other thing which is that I noticed a high protein diet was very calming to my kid. I’m not a huge meat eater but I’ve changed my shopping. Meat, eggs, tofu, cottage cheese, yogurt…..for some reason, it really helps keep him even keeled. I e heard some other parents on this board say the same. We did years of eliminating dyes and stuff and found zero difference there.

[Anonymous]

First grade was a low point for my kid with significant ADHD too. Also echo the high protein diet.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you so much. Will try more protein. He doesn’t really have a lot of protein so I could definitely bump that up. 09:52 - thanks for such a detailed and helpful post. The water idea is a good one and I hadn’t thought of that before..

And 08:01 - thank you for the kind and gentle reminder about feeling comfortable ending a relationship with someone we are paying if it doesn’t work out. That is a good reminder and something I struggle with. Thank you thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you so much. Will try more protein. He doesn’t really have a lot of protein so I could definitely bump that up. 09:52 - thanks for such a detailed and helpful post. The water idea is a good one and I hadn’t thought of that before..

And 08:01 - thank you for the kind and gentle reminder about feeling comfortable ending a relationship with someone we are paying if it doesn’t work out. That is a good reminder and something I struggle with. Thank you thank you.

My weird mantra is that advocates are 'summer flings,' not 'marriages'. You are not tied down to them or obligated to stay with one even after you sign their contracts. They do a great job of convincing you that they're the only person on the planet capable of helping you. Not the case. They won't throw you in advocate jail if you call 2 or 3 additional places. Now is probably the best time to consult with other people, because you can compare the tactics your current one is using with what others would propose. This guy you have now sounds excellent, though. It just helped me (slightly) relax knowing that I compared everyone around and knew I chose the best option in the area. You got this OP!

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, OP of this thread reporting back. My 6 yo DC has settled down a bit in school. No longer eloping or being as aggressive - guanfacine seems to have helped, although I wouldn’t say he’s thriving. He had the ADOS-2 test last week and has finally been diagnosed with high functioning autism. We are still processing and have had an initial broad conversation with him about it.

Curious to know if anyone has any advice on resources or similar that were useful to them when they started their journey with a child of a similar age. I’m so grateful to everyone on this board for all their advice when we were in extreme crisis.

[Anonymous]

Keep trying different meds, but understand that most meds won’t work forever or be a cure. There’s a lot of pop psychology against meds but they work. Do try all types as recommended. Don’t be afraid of what people say about these meds, they can be lifesaving.

My kid had anxiety and was on needed SSRI for many years. As he got older he needed some small amounts antipsychotic as well for irritability and depression.