I'm not doing enough at home

[Anonymous]

Our middle child has become fairly competent at her sport, so practices have gotten longer and more frequent. Coincidentally, it's a sport DH played in college, so he's pretty happy to make the time to take her. Our eldest DS is leaving for college this summer and has voluntarily begun driving our youngest to his (very few) activities. Between all this, I suddenly have a lot of free time at home, and I feel guilty over it. What can I do? I still cook and clean in the evenings, but it's almost like the fatigue of raising kids has caught up to me, and there's only so much I can do. Sometimes I just want to read a book in bed, but I know I can't. What are some little things I can do that make a big impact at home?

[Anonymous]

How are we supposed to know?

[Anonymous]

Drive your kid and stop expecting him to be the substitute parent.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what kind of humble brag this is, that you have too much free time. Who are you trying to impress? Your husband? Do you work outside the home? We need way more information.

[Anonymous]

I give you permission to read a book in bed! You can!

[Anonymous]

Pray.

[Anonymous]

Prepare for a veggie garden this spring/summer
Organize things you've been putting off
Help your older DS go through things so packing for college is easy
Clean up the yard

These are the things on my to do list other than helping a kid get ready for college

[Anonymous]

Try to do work that does not get u done too quickly, i.e. more permanent things to benefit your family. Organize a drawer or a closet. Take old toys to goodwill. Put old photos in albums.

Or you could donate your time to worthy causes such as becoming a lasagna maker for Lasagna Love.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I love DIY projects and the tools to do them. Start small by painting a room. YouTube how tos are a persons best friend. I have an interest in design and these projects…or the results….make me very happy. And I have four kids ten and under.

[Anonymous]

I think it's okay if you aren't immediately productive as this shift has taken place. With 3 kids, presumably you have spent much of the last 18 years working very hard taking care of the kids and house. It's okay to just take some time to relax right now. It sounds like you have some burnout ("the fatigue of kids has caught up to me") and could actually use a chance to do some things for yourself. The fact that you feel guilty for not being more productive right now is actually evidence that you may need a break -- your motivation for wanting to do more is based on internal guilt and not external need.

One thing that might help you is to create a schedule that front loads the tasks you do need to do, so that you can still feel productive and on track before you take some time for yourself. If you are still doing the build of the cooking and cleaning, make a schedule for yourself for the week that incorporates grocery shopping, cleaning, organizing, and meal prep. Make sure you have at least a couple tasks each day, and then set out to do most of them in the morning. If you do grocery shopping and clean the bathrooms before noon, you will feel less pressure to "do something productive" in the afternoon.

I'd also start scheduling some of the stuff you are craving doing for yourself, and view them as tasks you need to do and check off. Working out, reading, volunteering, taking a class, gardening, any cooking/baking you might do for pleasure. Schedule them, write it down, cross them off, just like you would cross off folding the laundry or ordering new shoes for your youngest.

You can be productive without life being drudgery, and you don't need to feel guilty for reading a book! When you do thinks for yourself like that, remind yourself that taking care of your own body and mind is beneficial for your whole family. After all, you say your DH enjoys doing the sport stuff with your middle child, yes? Does the fact that he enjoys its and finds it rewarding mean it's not useful to the family? No, of course not. It's a win-win. Well you taking a yoga class, reading for pleasure, taking walks, or working in the garden can be viewed the same way -- you are taking care of yourself so that you can be happier, more relaxed, and more present with your family. Why would they resent that?

[Anonymous]

Read that book in bed!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pray.

Yuck! No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our middle child has become fairly competent at her sport, so practices have gotten longer and more frequent. Coincidentally, it's a sport DH played in college, so he's pretty happy to make the time to take her. Our eldest DS is leaving for college this summer and has voluntarily begun driving our youngest to his (very few) activities. Between all this, I suddenly have a lot of free time at home, and I feel guilty over it. What can I do? I still cook and clean in the evenings, but it's almost like the fatigue of raising kids has caught up to me, and there's only so much I can do. Sometimes I just want to read a book in bed, but I know I can't. What are some little things I can do that make a big impact at home?

Why can't you?

My children do the same sport and my husband and I take turns taking them to practice (it's actually I sport I also do but I can't take them all the time and do it myself and work full-time so we split duties). We both attend competitions. But if I happen to finish work early on an evening that my husband is with the kids, I would absolutely read a book in bed if I had the time! (And I wouldn't be at all mad if he did the same while I was out).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our middle child has become fairly competent at her sport, so practices have gotten longer and more frequent. Coincidentally, it's a sport DH played in college, so he's pretty happy to make the time to take her. Our eldest DS is leaving for college this summer and has voluntarily begun driving our youngest to his (very few) activities. Between all this, I suddenly have a lot of free time at home, and I feel guilty over it. What can I do? I still cook and clean in the evenings, but it's almost like the fatigue of raising kids has caught up to me, and there's only so much I can do. Sometimes I just want to read a book in bed, but I know I can't. What are some little things I can do that make a big impact at home?

So it sounds like you'll have this problem for another month? Enjoy your downtime, it'll be gone soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pray.

Yuck! No.

Are you a child?