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[quote=Anonymous]I think it's okay if you aren't immediately productive as this shift has taken place. With 3 kids, presumably you have spent much of the last 18 years working very hard taking care of the kids and house. It's okay to just take some time to relax right now. It sounds like you have some burnout ("the fatigue of kids has caught up to me") and could actually use a chance to do some things for yourself. The fact that you feel guilty for not being more productive right now is actually evidence that you may need a break -- your motivation for wanting to do more is based on internal guilt and not external need.

One thing that might help you is to create a schedule that front loads the tasks you do need to do, so that you can still feel productive and on track before you take some time for yourself. If you are still doing the build of the cooking and cleaning, make a schedule for yourself for the week that incorporates grocery shopping, cleaning, organizing, and meal prep. Make sure you have at least a couple tasks each day, and then set out to do most of them in the morning. If you do grocery shopping and clean the bathrooms before noon, you will feel less pressure to "do something productive" in the afternoon.

I'd also start scheduling some of the stuff you are craving doing for yourself, and view them as tasks you need to do and check off. Working out, reading, volunteering, taking a class, gardening, any cooking/baking you might do for pleasure. Schedule them, write it down, cross them off, just like you would cross off folding the laundry or ordering new shoes for your youngest.

You can be productive without life being drudgery, and you don't need to feel guilty for reading a book! When you do thinks for yourself like that, remind yourself that taking care of your own body and mind is beneficial for your whole family. After all, you say your DH enjoys doing the sport stuff with your middle child, yes? Does the fact that he enjoys its and finds it rewarding mean it's not useful to the family? No, of course not. It's a win-win. Well you taking a yoga class, reading for pleasure, taking walks, or working in the garden can be viewed the same way -- you are taking care of yourself so that you can be happier, more relaxed, and more present with your family. Why would they resent that?[/quote]

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