Don’t like elementary age - does it get better?

[Anonymous]

I love the baby and little kid (up to five) years…really not enjoying the elementary years. Can anyone relate? Does it get better?

[Anonymous]

Depends on what the problems are and what you are looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what the problems are and what you are looking for.

This. But generally I would say no. I found the late preschool and elementary years to be the sweet spot of family life. From about 5th grade on, there is much more social pressure on the kids, they develop attitudes and start fighting for independence. That isn’t to say they can’t also be lovely, but those ES years are hard to beat IMO.

[Anonymous]

What don't you like?

The biggest challenge we faced during elementary years is the way peers and media start to influence behavior, not always for the best. Elementary was when the rudeness started to creep in, all the poop jokes. Plus some annoying behaviors like monologuing (just talking and talking without a break).

BUT none of this was all the time. And seeing some of the bad behavior picked up at school/activities made me double down on making sure my kid was not making any of those a habit. We were strict about manners, had big conversations when we saw rude behavior towards peers, and worked on making sure my kid had table manners and understood appropriateness (there is a time for fart jokes, but there is also a time where they aren't ok).

Putting that effort in means we have a teen who is kind, polite, and self-aware. It's great. But I didn't hate the elementary years. I embraced them. We also spent a lot of time together as a family during those years, hiking, going to museums, traveling, playing sports, reading in the evenings, listening to music. Great memories, and it was during those family experiences when the behavior was best anyway. Once your kid hits 12/13, you can still do that stuff but not as often and you do need to let go more.

So my advice is not to write off the elementary years or wait for it to get better in its own. These are formative years, and your last chance to really get in there and have a major influence in who your kid becomes. The more effort you put in, the better the results will be. And you want your kid to remember these years as a time where you were very present and invested in them-- it will support your relationship moving forward.

[Anonymous]

^^^This pp makes great points and it’s very obvious in HS which parents checked out of parenting in ES.

[Anonymous]

My favorite so far has been the middle school age. I actually didn't like infant to preschool so much - I don't like structuring my day around sleep and eating schedules and always having to carry snacks, pants, etc. I do very much enjoy watching all my hard work materialize in a child who makes good decisions and surprises me everyday with the adult they are becoming (seriously I love MS). By HS they are SO independent they almost don't need me for anything more than advice here and there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My favorite so far has been the middle school age. I actually didn't like infant to preschool so much - I don't like structuring my day around sleep and eating schedules and always having to carry snacks, pants, etc. I do very much enjoy watching all my hard work materialize in a child who makes good decisions and surprises me everyday with the adult they are becoming (seriously I love MS). By HS they are SO independent they almost don't need me for anything more than advice here and there.

Wow this is maybe the first time I have ever heard this. While my own kids are lovely in MS, the friend drama and social pressures are enough to push me off a cliff.

[Anonymous]

Looking back I think elementary years are the best. Seriously. MS is harder. The hormones kicking in and friends drama is real. I have 2 kids transitioning to HS next yr and the following and I'm not sure if it'll get easier. But so far girls have it harder than boys. MS is when sports also get more serious/frequent so I have turned into a professional driver as a second job even with carpools.

I say this with respect and good will - if you don't like elementary years or feel it's hard - you will hate the next few years of your life when all hell breaks lose on the hormones front. They won't be lovey and huggy and you will see lots of mood ups and downs and more activities and events in the social scene. More worries, more issues, more expensive all around. Good luck mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What don't you like?

The biggest challenge we faced during elementary years is the way peers and media start to influence behavior, not always for the best. Elementary was when the rudeness started to creep in, all the poop jokes. Plus some annoying behaviors like monologuing (just talking and talking without a break).

BUT none of this was all the time. And seeing some of the bad behavior picked up at school/activities made me double down on making sure my kid was not making any of those a habit. We were strict about manners, had big conversations when we saw rude behavior towards peers, and worked on making sure my kid had table manners and understood appropriateness (there is a time for fart jokes, but there is also a time where they aren't ok).

Putting that effort in means we have a teen who is kind, polite, and self-aware. It's great. But I didn't hate the elementary years. I embraced them. We also spent a lot of time together as a family during those years, hiking, going to museums, traveling, playing sports, reading in the evenings, listening to music. Great memories, and it was during those family experiences when the behavior was best anyway. Once your kid hits 12/13, you can still do that stuff but not as often and you do need to let go more.

So my advice is not to write off the elementary years or wait for it to get better in its own. These are formative years, and your last chance to really get in there and have a major influence in who your kid becomes. The more effort you put in, the better the results will be. And you want your kid to remember these years as a time where you were very present and invested in them-- it will support your relationship moving forward.

There's only so much good parenting you can do quite honestly. Being a parent means learning that on some level there is no or limited control. Good luck thinking you made your kids into angels. There's such a thing as hormones and while I agree that a lot of foundation can be put into place to assure your kids learn differences if right and wrong - it's far from guaranteed they become the perfect little adults you think you've raised. Good kids are just good people. You can't actually teach it as it is a natural instinct. Again, you can teach a kid good study habits, give them stability and teach them how to adapt and have a good healthy routine. You cannot teach drive, persistence to a certain point nor force them to feel the way you want. I have 2 kids of which one was a perfect model of an elementary boy who is now a 15 yr old moody borderline mediocre grade student. My other kid a girl was nuts with her drama and opinions and independence. Totally unmovable. Straight A student and model travel sports player in HS. Same parents and family totally different results. It's hormones and it's personality. There's only so much you can do - I definitely agree you shape them young as well as you can but make no mistake - we as parents cannot 100% control how they turn out.

[Anonymous]

^ps - they also change a lot between age 10-18. There will be years of pure joy and pride and other years you will feel total frustrations. People don't just stay the same and esp kids personalities and habits are always changing. You are dreaming if you think that how they are at age 13 will be how they are at age 16.

[Anonymous]

What's the problem with elementary schoolers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the problem with elementary schoolers?

Not much except the ones who have never been given limits or boundaries growing up. They start to stand out like a sore thumb about first grade onward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What don't you like?

The biggest challenge we faced during elementary years is the way peers and media start to influence behavior, not always for the best. Elementary was when the rudeness started to creep in, all the poop jokes. Plus some annoying behaviors like monologuing (just talking and talking without a break).

BUT none of this was all the time. And seeing some of the bad behavior picked up at school/activities made me double down on making sure my kid was not making any of those a habit. We were strict about manners, had big conversations when we saw rude behavior towards peers, and worked on making sure my kid had table manners and understood appropriateness (there is a time for fart jokes, but there is also a time where they aren't ok).

Putting that effort in means we have a teen who is kind, polite, and self-aware. It's great. But I didn't hate the elementary years. I embraced them. We also spent a lot of time together as a family during those years, hiking, going to museums, traveling, playing sports, reading in the evenings, listening to music. Great memories, and it was during those family experiences when the behavior was best anyway. Once your kid hits 12/13, you can still do that stuff but not as often and you do need to let go more.

So my advice is not to write off the elementary years or wait for it to get better in its own. These are formative years, and your last chance to really get in there and have a major influence in who your kid becomes. The more effort you put in, the better the results will be. And you want your kid to remember these years as a time where you were very present and invested in them-- it will support your relationship moving forward.

There's only so much good parenting you can do quite honestly. Being a parent means learning that on some level there is no or limited control. Good luck thinking you made your kids into angels. There's such a thing as hormones and while I agree that a lot of foundation can be put into place to assure your kids learn differences if right and wrong - it's far from guaranteed they become the perfect little adults you think you've raised. Good kids are just good people. You can't actually teach it as it is a natural instinct. Again, you can teach a kid good study habits, give them stability and teach them how to adapt and have a good healthy routine. You cannot teach drive, persistence to a certain point nor force them to feel the way you want. I have 2 kids of which one was a perfect model of an elementary boy who is now a 15 yr old moody borderline mediocre grade student. My other kid a girl was nuts with her drama and opinions and independence. Totally unmovable. Straight A student and model travel sports player in HS. Same parents and family totally different results. It's hormones and it's personality. There's only so much you can do - I definitely agree you shape them young as well as you can but make no mistake - we as parents cannot 100% control how they turn out.

Completely disagree, sorry. I think often what happens is parents don't tune in to what their kids need, start evaluating them by comparing them to other people's kids, and then just give up and decide "oh my kid is naturally lazy, naturally rude, naturally annoying -- nothing I can do as a parent, it's just how they are."

Kids have natural tendencies, absolutely. But parenting is still key because how do you respond to those natural tendencies? A good parent will find a way to channel and redirect negative behaviors. I think the key is to never give up on your kid. If you are looking at your 15 yr old and have decided "oh well he's a mediocre student with a bad attitude, oh well, nothing I can do," you aren't doing your job as a parent.

Also this is why it's so important to always be working on your relationship with your kid, finding ways to connect and maintain good communication. Because it's a lot easier to address issues like this when you and your kid still basically like each other and can spend time together enjoyably. Kids can tell when you've just decided you don't like them, and that realization will make whatever issue they are dealing with (whether social, academic, mental health, whatever) and make it 10x worse. Whereas a kid who knows his parents not only love him but LIKE him as a person, will find it easier to work through the inevitable challenges because that foundational relationship serves as a kind of buoy to keep them afloat.

[Anonymous]

I loved the younger years, and am finding my teenager much less enjoyable. What I can tell you is, just hang in there, because they change. A LOT. It's just a matter of time before you have a whole different thing going on, and maybe that one will be better in your family.

[Anonymous]

It does not get better. It definitely gets worse in the tween years with puberty.

Elementary are some of the best years.