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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What don't you like?

The biggest challenge we faced during elementary years is the way peers and media start to influence behavior, not always for the best. Elementary was when the rudeness started to creep in, all the poop jokes. Plus some annoying behaviors like monologuing (just talking and talking without a break).

BUT none of this was all the time. And seeing some of the bad behavior picked up at school/activities made me double down on making sure my kid was not making any of those a habit. We were strict about manners, had big conversations when we saw rude behavior towards peers, and worked on making sure my kid had table manners and understood appropriateness (there is a time for fart jokes, but there is also a time where they aren't ok).

Putting that effort in means we have a teen who is kind, polite, and self-aware. It's great. But I didn't hate the elementary years. I embraced them. We also spent a lot of time together as a family during those years, hiking, going to museums, traveling, playing sports, reading in the evenings, listening to music. Great memories, and it was during those family experiences when the behavior was best anyway. Once your kid hits 12/13, you can still do that stuff but not as often and you do need to let go more.

So my advice is not to write off the elementary years or wait for it to get better in its own. These are formative years, and your last chance to really get in there and have a major influence in who your kid becomes. The more effort you put in, the better the results will be. And you want your kid to remember these years as a time where you were very present and invested in them-- it will support your relationship moving forward.[/quote]

There's only so much good parenting you can do quite honestly.  Being a parent means learning that on some level there is no or limited control.  Good luck thinking you made your kids into angels.  There's such a thing as hormones and while I agree that a lot of foundation can be put into place to assure your kids learn differences if right and wrong - it's far from guaranteed they become the perfect little adults you think you've raised.  Good kids are just good people.  You can't actually teach it as it is a natural instinct.  Again, you can teach a kid good study habits, give them stability and teach them how to adapt and have a good healthy routine.  You cannot teach drive, persistence to a certain point nor force them to feel the way you want.  I have 2 kids of which one was a perfect model of an elementary boy who is now a 15 yr old moody borderline mediocre grade student.  My other kid a girl was nuts with her drama and opinions and independence.  Totally unmovable.  Straight A student and model travel sports player in HS.  Same parents and family totally different results.  It's hormones and it's personality.  There's only so much you can do - I definitely agree you shape them young as well as you can but make no mistake - we as parents cannot 100% control how they turn out.[/quote]

Completely disagree, sorry. I think often what happens is parents don't tune in to what their kids need, start evaluating them by comparing them to other people's kids, and then just give up and decide "oh my kid is naturally lazy, naturally rude, naturally annoying -- nothing I can do as a parent, it's just how they are."

Kids have natural tendencies, absolutely. But parenting is still key because how do you respond to those natural tendencies? A good parent will find a way to channel and redirect negative behaviors. I think the key is to never give up on your kid. If you are looking at your 15 yr old and have decided "oh well he's a mediocre student with a bad attitude, oh well, nothing I can do," you aren't doing your job as a parent.

Also this is why it's so important to always be working on your relationship with your kid, finding ways to connect and maintain good communication. Because it's a lot easier to address issues like this when you and your kid still basically like each other and can spend time together enjoyably. Kids can tell when you've just decided you don't like them, and that realization will make whatever issue they are dealing with (whether social, academic, mental health, whatever) and make it 10x worse. Whereas a kid who knows his parents not only love him but LIKE him as a person, will find it easier to work through the inevitable challenges because that foundational relationship serves as a kind of buoy to keep them afloat.[/quote]

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