When your friend is in a different financial spot than you

[Anonymous]

How do you handle it? Does it cause distance between you?

If you're the better off friend, do you do anything to share the wealth - such as treat for dinners, or even vacations, make loans, gifts, etc.? If you're the less well off friend, how have/would you react to gestures like this?

Basically looking for success stories of how to keep close with a friend who is in a different financial universe than you.

[Anonymous]

I have grown apart from friends with different lifestyles because I don’t budget as they do. They prefer to spend time with other people whose budgets align with theirs. I guess we weren’t really friends after all, but some friendships have a season. Very few are long term.

[Anonymous]

It's really not that hard. Just do stuff the less wealthy friend can afford. Host each other for meals at home (if its your second or third home, fine), go to local events, affordable restaurants, breweries, etc. Make it easy for them to reciprocate. Enjoy each other's company.

I don't expect my better-off friends to pay for me when we go out, and definitely not give gifts or loans, but I do expect them not to put me in a difficult position by thinking only expensive stuff is fun.

[Anonymous]

If you're the less wealthy friend, don't try to be so equal about spending! Let them share with you if they have extra and just enjoy it together.

[Anonymous]

I am close with a number of my college friends. Most of them work for the government. I would guess that their incomes are maybe $100-$150K/ year. Their spouses have similar jobs and incomes. A few are single. And a few have other jobs and earn less (say $70K-$80K). I’d guess their net worths range from a few hundred thousand to maybe just under a million counting retirement accounts.

Our income ranges from $2M-$5M+ per year. Net worth is currently $40M or so.

It’s just money. It didn’t define us when we were in college and all had nothing and it doesn’t define us now. We hang out doing and where we can all afford it. We invite them to stay with us at our beach house and other similar type items that they couldn’t afford on their own. But they don’t need to. We have the place and I’m just happy they can enjoy it with us.

[Anonymous]

We were tired of having to lower our standards when traveling or going out with our friends. We decided to build new friendships with people who could afford to do the same things we do.
Hanging out with people from a different economic class is difficult. We are still friends with our old friends but it’s no longer the same friendship.

[Anonymous]

I have two close college friends that I see often who live a lower standard of living than I do. It doesn’t affect our friendship because we do pretty much the same things we always have when we get together: movies, inexpensive eateries, beach days, hikes, etc. DH and I do most of our expensive travel alone or with our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're the less wealthy friend, don't try to be so equal about spending! Let them share with you if they have extra and just enjoy it together.

If you are the more wealthy friend, let your friend pick up the tab once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really not that hard. Just do stuff the less wealthy friend can afford. Host each other for meals at home (if its your second or third home, fine), go to local events, affordable restaurants, breweries, etc. Make it easy for them to reciprocate. Enjoy each other's company.

I don't expect my better-off friends to pay for me when we go out, and definitely not give gifts or loans, but I do expect them not to put me in a difficult position by thinking only expensive stuff is fun.

Well said, pp.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the middle - I have friends going to Europe this summer again, and friends who are blue-collar workers. I dog and house-sit for the friends going to Europe and enjoy their home with a dishwasher and free laundry and a big tv, and when my blue-collar friend got Covid, I dropped off a big bag of food from Trader Joe's.

You meet people where they are, and where you are. With a little bit of tact, everything works out great.

[Anonymous]

I fly SW and usually have a companion pass for the year. I will use that to bring my friend along on trips. I'll pay for my DDs to fly, so I can keep her as my companion. And doesn't make it feel like I am paying for her. It is a great perk. I also have a time share that we enjoy. So, no real out of pocket expenses to get away for a long weekend. She will pick up the tab for dinner. We also have a great friendship and talk about everything. I inherited some money so we often take trips and thank my dad. So, in essence he is paying, not me.

We also usually take turns paying for dinner. We don't really keep tabs, but I try to pick up the tab at the more expensive places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're the less wealthy friend, don't try to be so equal about spending! Let them share with you if they have extra and just enjoy it together.

Be free loader?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really not that hard. Just do stuff the less wealthy friend can afford. Host each other for meals at home (if its your second or third home, fine), go to local events, affordable restaurants, breweries, etc. Make it easy for them to reciprocate. Enjoy each other's company.

I don't expect my better-off friends to pay for me when we go out, and definitely not give gifts or loans, but I do expect them not to put me in a difficult position by thinking only expensive stuff is fun.

This. It makes the relationship about your friendship, not money. And if doing this feels like a burden, then maybe you aren't really friends.

I have some friends who are much more wealthy. We don't vacation together. But we do dinners at one another's homes periodically, and will go out for pizza or other affordable meals. Our difference in wealth is mostly a non-issue, which I take as a sign that our friendship is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were tired of having to lower our standards when traveling or going out with our friends. We decided to build new friendships with people who could afford to do the same things we do.
Hanging out with people from a different economic class is difficult. We are still friends with our old friends but it’s no longer the same friendship.

Wow, so shallow. I'm sure your new 'friendships' reflect that.

[Anonymous]

I prefer hanging out with people around my level personally. Rich people are clueless and annoying.