Best friend hates my boyfriend

[Anonymous]

My best friend doesn’t like my boyfriend and it’s really getting to me. Her little comments and digs are driving me crazy. She’s a very close friend, and I want to keep the friendship, but I feel like she is not being a good friend. She had called him “ weird” multiple times.

My boyfriend can come off as rude unintentionally. He’s an introvert, soft-spoken, and quiet in big groups unless you speak to him first. He has a very reserved demeanor that I attribute to his military and law enforcement career. I didn’t like him at first until I got to know him.

We are in love and I plan to marry him. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon - hopefully never - and I don’t know how to get my friend to see this and back off.

[Anonymous]

You didn't like him either. Why do you blame her?

[Anonymous]

So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

+2.

Give it time. But I also think it's ok to say to her what you say here: "I know he comes off as X,Y,Z. I didn't like him at first either. But he's important to me now and I'd love for you to get to know him more/give him a chance. If you don't like him after that, then at least keep your comments to yourself. Because I don't want your feelings to affect OUR relationship."

[Anonymous]

I think there is more to this. Plenty of introverted, soft-spoken, and quiet people don't seem rude off the bat. Maybe a bit cold or shy, but not rude. How long have you been together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't like him either. Why do you blame her?

OP here. I didn’t like him in the sense that he was very quiet. I’m used to dating extroverts and I’m quite outgoing myself. I got to know him while talking during a night out and we have been together ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

OP here. I don’t think he’s rude. He can be perceived as rude because he is very quiet. He’s the person in a group of people that just silently will chill out as everyone else is talking or just observes the conversation. He’s quite shy unless he’s comfortable with you.

[Anonymous]

You can’t force her to like him and you can’t force her to stop talking about him. You can stop hanging out with her but then you’ve ruined a friendship and she’ll never get to know your bf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

OP here. Cold is a better word to use than rude. He’s very polite and respectful but she has said the fact that he never talks to her unless she speaks is rude. He will greet her but he just sort of is in the background of most conversations unless it’s something he knows a lot about. Then he’s a big talker.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Another issue is he refuses to talk about work and that makes her mad. She’s always been nosey and he’s a fed. He won’t talk about his job beyond very basic details and that annoys her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

OP here. Cold is a better word to use than rude. He’s very polite and respectful but she has said the fact that he never talks to her unless she speaks is rude. He will greet her but he just sort of is in the background of most conversations unless it’s something he knows a lot about. Then he’s a big talker.

Sounds like my husband. Just because someone doesn't speak unless spoken to doesn't make them rude, as long as they do greet people. Perhaps talk to them both (separately) and tell her what you told us, and tell him that he's coming off to your friends as cold/distant, and perhaps could he make a bit of effort?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

OP here. Cold is a better word to use than rude. He’s very polite and respectful but she has said the fact that he never talks to her unless she speaks is rude. He will greet her but he just sort of is in the background of most conversations unless it’s something he knows a lot about. Then he’s a big talker.

Sounds like your best friend is an insecure extrovert. As an introvert, I love driving those people crazy with my listening skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you admit he's rude, and that you didn't like him yourself. But you're upset your best friend notices these things? You're in the wrong here.

OP here. Cold is a better word to use than rude. He’s very polite and respectful but she has said the fact that he never talks to her unless she speaks is rude. He will greet her but he just sort of is in the background of most conversations unless it’s something he knows a lot about. Then he’s a big talker.

Sounds like my husband. Just because someone doesn't speak unless spoken to doesn't make them rude, as long as they do greet people. Perhaps talk to them both (separately) and tell her what you told us, and tell him that he's coming off to your friends as cold/distant, and perhaps could he make a bit of effort?

OP here. I can definitely bring it up to him.

We first met through mutual friends at a birthday party. He was very quiet besides saying a quick “hello” when we were introduced. I thought he was a bit distance for most of the night, but he ended up coming up to talk to me about something I was sharing earlier in the night. We talked for a decent amount of time and he hit my number. We went on a date the next day and it lasted the entire day.

I’ve met him parents who his dad has a similar demeanor. Very nice and pleasant but quiet and calm.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don’t want to ruin my friendship because we have been best friends for over a decade but my bf isn’t going anywhere. I don’t want it to be a point of contention.

He has voiced that he finds her a bit dramatic at times and nosey but he likes her.

[Anonymous]

Is your friend single? She sounds jealous.