Is it unreasonable to expect your husband to be…employed?

[Anonymous]

My 35 year old husband is “self employed” in a business that has not been generating revenue for at least 2 years. Meanwhile he refuses to find a job and is instead working on his first novel and is writing music and has joined a band. We have no savings, he has no retirement fund, we have no plans to save to buy a house or have children. He has told me that if I want these things, I need to work for them as he doesn’t care.

There really isn’t much I can do, right?

[Anonymous]

Run!!!

[Anonymous]

My ex ea like this. We got a divorce

[Anonymous]

Was he always like this? Did you fall in love with his artistic, carefree, low-stress side and only in your mid-thirties realize you want kids and a big house and things that require sustained work and effort? Or was he formerly more of a striver and has turned into a slacker?

If it’s the former, then he showed you his true self and you picked him for those qualities. If you don’t like them now, do him a favor and leave, since neither of you will be happy.

If it’s the latter, then there’s something else going on and maybe you’ll be able to work with him to get his motivation back. If that fails, you probably need to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run!!!

+1 What a loser.

[Anonymous]

How is this even a question? Tell him that if he wants a roof over his had he needs to work for it because you dont care about supporting his adult child existence. Do you make a lot of money OP? Or do now or both of you come from money and/or have a trust fund?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this even a question? Tell him that if he wants a roof over his had he needs to work for it because you dont care about supporting his adult child existence. Do you make a lot of money OP? Or do now or both of you come from money and/or have a trust fund?

Op here. I only make 110k and he has made around 50k-40k over the past two years. No we do not come from money.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t a dress rehearsal. You get one go around. The fact that you’re here posting means one of two things: either you’re a troll or your self esteem is so low that you can’t see that you have agency here to demand more from him and yourself to have the life you deserve.

[Anonymous]

If you want children, OP, leave immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 35 year old husband is “self employed” in a business that has not been generating revenue for at least 2 years. Meanwhile he refuses to find a job and is instead working on his first novel and is writing music and has joined a band. We have no savings, he has no retirement fund, we have no plans to save to buy a house or have children. He has told me that if I want these things, I need to work for them as he doesn’t care.

There really isn’t much I can do, right?

It depends, if you love him then accept him as is but ask him to do all the household chores including cooking to pull his weight so you can focus on your career.

If you don't, divorce and move on because he has made himself clear. First try legal separation if you prefer.

[Anonymous]

You are paying all expenses? You HAVE a child, and it’s your DH. If you did not pay the bills, how would he be able to pursue his artistic endeavors? He’d have to get a job.

It sounds like he has made his position very clear. Either accept your life as it is, or leave (and jf you do have a child with him, expect to single-parent and support your DH as another dependent).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want children, OP, leave immediately.

Even if you don't want kids, run. It's more than reasonable to expect joint contributions to household to be matched. If you are making it through the months on your salary now, i encourage you to put his take home in an investment calculator and look at what that would be in 30 years. He has to work.

[Anonymous]

What was he like before and what changed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want children, OP, leave immediately.

Even if you don't want kids, run. It's more than reasonable to expect joint contributions to household to be matched. If you are making it through the months on your salary now, i encourage you to put his take home in an investment calculator and look at what that would be in 30 years. He has to work.

**His take home salary in a scenario where he got a job

[Anonymous]

Listen OP, you are in a great position here because you don’t have kids and you still have time to have kids (if you want them). Get a divorce. Without kids you it is SO EASY.