I start looking like my mom, and I understand her negativity late in life much better

[Anonymous]

In my mid-forties I gained a lot of weight and started looking exactly like my mom. It is terrifying. When I was in my 20s nobody would have guessed that she was my mother.

Back then I didn't understand why, when I was a teenager, my mother became mean. Now I understand. It came from self-hatred. Previously she had been pretty, too. I am really working on not being so mean-spirited as she is.

Anybody else feels like you have morphed into your mother?

[Anonymous]

It is ok to look like your mother. It is ok to do everything to become healthy and lose weight. It is absolutely ok to have compassion for her and to make sure that you do not become mean. It is your choice. You have the power to make better choices.

[Anonymous]

What the PP said plus I find the Accidental Icon and other older woman who embraced aging to be very inspiring.

[Anonymous]

NP here who also freaked a bit the first time I happened to walk by a mirror and thought, "Mom what are you doing here?" When, of course, it was me in the mirror.
I noticed that as my Mom aged (she passed at 81) she was less willing to go along to get along and more often than not stood her ground sometimes coming off as mean or judgmental. Not negative, though.
I think I'm becoming very much like Mom. Not negative, but now post menopause, like her not only physically (hip spread) and visually (that face in the mirror!) but also more and more often standing my ground and yes, quite possibly coming off as mean or intolerant. I also know, post menopause, that there is more testosterone in my system than before and that that is a contributor. Trying to come to terms with it ain't easy.

[Anonymous]

I gained 20 with covid and hate myself, cannot be seen in public. Started semaglutide and I am losing a little. I can't spend the rest of my life hiding.

[Anonymous]

Yes, not the same situation as you, but the same health issues are starting to crop up and I understand why she is always so cranky and in a bad mood.

[Anonymous]

Low carb
Limit glucose spikes

Take control of your weight and appearance. You don’t need to become your mother.

Move and bike or walk to work or for errands. You only have one life.

[Anonymous]

Ladies, as we age we simply run out of fcks to give.

I think everyone has to reframe their vision of themselves at some point or risk staying unhappy and insecure. It's easier said than done, I know. I'm sure it's harder for people who were used to being attractive and it became part of their identity.

I finally conceded to my mom bod 5 years after my last child when it was clear my pre-pregnancy body was not coming back without more work than I had time for. Even though I weighed 10 lbs more than before, it looked like 20 lbs. I am still as active and athletic as before but my body is just different. I would probably have to be 10 lbs less than before in order to look the same.

I embraced frumpy clothes as simply being more comfortable. I prefer elastic waistbands now because I bloat so much in the evenings. I gave up trying to look like I did in my 20s.

OP, if you really are feeling self-hatred because you don't look like you did in your 20s, I suggest doing some naval gazing to see if you can work through it. Books, friends, therapists, whatever you prefer. You're not becoming your mother because of your appearance. You're becoming your mother because of your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Stop this madness.

Your self worth should not be based on how much you weigh. Re-evaluate your metrics for how you value yourself and others.

You deserve to be treated better than that...by yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think the 10:58 poster is correct. I just don't give a $h!t anymore. However, it doesn't have anything to do with my weight as I am not overweight. I think it has more to do with working while raising a family. My time is more precious than ever.

And, I am no longer the people pleaser I once was. I expect others to do their share and be accountable. For example, if someone wants to quietly quit or choose not to work, that's fine as long as they're not expecting others to pay their bills if something goes wrong. I scrutinize "to do" items and requests and am less likely to take on anything that is not going to directly benefit me, with the exception of volunteer work. If that makes me mean, oh well. I don't think I'm mean but rather matter of fact and unemotional about things.

[Anonymous]

Love your body and yourself! If you love yourself, you won't mindlessly overeat. You won't have a 20 year old body because you aren't 20. Celebrate the age you are in, and your body that works so hard to keep you alive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my mid-forties I gained a lot of weight and started looking exactly like my mom. It is terrifying. When I was in my 20s nobody would have guessed that she was my mother.

Back then I didn't understand why, when I was a teenager, my mother became mean. Now I understand. It came from self-hatred. Previously she had been pretty, too. I am really working on not being so mean-spirited as she is.

Anybody else feels like you have morphed into your mother?

Come on, you earned your gray hairs, wrinkles and love handles. Love yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my mid-forties I gained a lot of weight and started looking exactly like my mom. It is terrifying. When I was in my 20s nobody would have guessed that she was my mother.

Back then I didn't understand why, when I was a teenager, my mother became mean. Now I understand. It came from self-hatred. Previously she had been pretty, too. I am really working on not being so mean-spirited as she is.

Anybody else feels like you have morphed into your mother?

I'm 52 and had a difficult relationship with my mother, who was a stunning woman until her last day on earth. Last week, I was on a zoom meeting and I saw that I have her eyes. She was always beautiful and she neglected and abused me when I was a child. Seeing her eyes in my face has messed me up, honestly.

[Anonymous]

I was young and pretty, now I'm fat, it doesn't make me "mean". Not sure you or your mom have an excuse for being grumpy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my mid-forties I gained a lot of weight and started looking exactly like my mom. It is terrifying. When I was in my 20s nobody would have guessed that she was my mother.

Back then I didn't understand why, when I was a teenager, my mother became mean. Now I understand. It came from self-hatred. Previously she had been pretty, too. I am really working on not being so mean-spirited as she is.

Anybody else feels like you have morphed into your mother?

Right there with you, look in the mirror and see my mother all the time these days, including her sad face. I always felt my mother had an unfulfilled life and should have done so much more for herself in her lifetime. Too much of a caregiver complex, in retrospect I see she was resentful of this position she placed herself. I try to remember the positives when I'm looking in that mirror, both of my mother and myself and not dwell on the bad. Also, I refuse to give up like my mother did and try everyday to improve my life and my relationships so I have very few regrets in the end. I do not want to spent my final years on this earth being angry because of choices I made and I certainly don't want to punish my loves ones with my choices.