Already disliking school at 4

[Anonymous]

My 4 yo is starting K next year. Since January, he has been going to a collaborative special education / Title 1 class 4 mornings a week (he is there as SPED). He has gone to a Montessori daycare since infancy, and continues to go there outside of preschool hours, so he is used to childcare settings. But every morning he says, "Mommy is this a school bus day?" (He gets bussed to special preschool.) He immediately will ask to stay home, or say maybe he's sick, or just say he doesn't want to go/or "it's boring." He likes library, music, riding the bus, and recess. But he says it is "just so hard" learning letters and numbers and things like the 5 senses; also doing (adaptive) PE is "so hard." (His teachers and therapists are amazing, so I know there is nothing else going on on that front.) We are worried Kindergarten is just going to be crushing for him. He doesn't have autism or global DD but has some type of speech, motor, and cognitive delays. He is a sweet boy, with no apparent social or behavioral delays, other than lack of focus. Any btdt? Any tips for the Kindergarten IEP? I do know so far that they will put an IA in his class to help keep him on track.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, well school sucks when everyone around you understands and you're completely lost and can tell they are all equally frustrated with you and amazed at your stupidity.

Ask me how I know. Barely graduated from HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, well school sucks when everyone around you understands and you're completely lost and can tell they are all equally frustrated with you and amazed at your stupidity.

Ask me how I know. Barely graduated from HS.

Well that is not what I wanted to hear, but I appreciate the honesty. I'm glad you managed to graduate. Anything that would have made it better for you?

[Anonymous]

Hi op, I'm sorry. A slightly hopeful story. it could go a little better than you think. At 4 my son with ADHD was in a very play based preschool, but based on his response to us trying to do anything about letters etc with him I am pretty certain he would have had a similar reaction to learning about it. He really did not get it at 4, had very little interest, and yeah just did not get it - wasn't ready. Couldn't remember letters, I thought he might have dyslexia. But something really clicked at 5 and he started to show more interest. Now in Kindergarten he has taken off. He doesn't love every second of public school for sure, but I've been amazed at how much he's learned and it really felt like his brain was just ready. Many 4 year olds aren't ready for more formal/academic education - we've kind of moved the bar up in recent years and it is hard for kids like ours who need a little more time. My son doesn't have cognitive delays so that could play a piece but I do think prek can be a lot for some. not that it isn't the right place for him - he's getting the therapy and support he needs there I'm sure. It is just bound to be a little more academic given the setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, well school sucks when everyone around you understands and you're completely lost and can tell they are all equally frustrated with you and amazed at your stupidity.

Ask me how I know. Barely graduated from HS.

Well that is not what I wanted to hear, but I appreciate the honesty. I'm glad you managed to graduate. Anything that would have made it better for you?

Umm ... being properly diagnosed with the learning disabilities I have at like age 5 rather than at 19, and then homeschooling with exceptionally excellent teachers so I didn't have to learn in front of other kids.

[Anonymous]

Is he taking a nap time? At 4 my ADHD DC was still very much napping - in fact they were the last of their class to drop the nap. There is one in every class, right?

[Anonymous]

You can just keep him at his Montessori and do services privately or see if they will continue services without him going to the school. We did that and skipped PEP. It was fine. The way they are teaching may not work for him.

[Anonymous]

OP here responding to all the above:

Thanks for the post above about the current Kindergartener.

As far as background, he used to get itinerant services, but all of his teachers/ therapists thought ECSE preschool would be the best for him, since he was not improving at all in fine motor at Montessori (where you essentially pick your own work). I do want him to be as ready for K as he can be - I feel like the answer to having a hard time in special ed pre K is not to go to something "easier," because then gen ed K will be that much harder. The special preschool is not overly academic (IMO) - it's only a fraction of the 3 hour morning that they formally work on pre-academic skills. He has 9 kids and 3 teachers compared to 21 kids at his daycare. He still just knows two letters and can't recognize his name or any numbers, so it's not like he is being asked to read.

I did get into him into a morning class, so he could nap in the afternoons. He has mostly dropped it at this point (he is almost 5) but still gets to lay down every afternoon at least.

[Anonymous]

* lie down

[Anonymous]

Looking back on our journey up until now (HS student)- I wish we had stayed with Montessori and not done public school at all. Public school is not for kids with special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking back on our journey up until now (HS student)- I wish we had stayed with Montessori and not done public school at all. Public school is not for kids with special needs.

This is a really different comment than you usually see here and is also just, untrue. Many kids with special needs actually REALLY struggle with montessori. And if you read enough posts here you'll see that for MANY of us, public school was by far the BEST thing for our kids. My child thrives in public school much better than his private preschool even though it was a wonderful loving place. Public school has the supports, the experience, and the structure to support many special needs children. It isn't perfect but Montessori not the answer for many of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here responding to all the above:

Thanks for the post above about the current Kindergartener.

As far as background, he used to get itinerant services, but all of his teachers/ therapists thought ECSE preschool would be the best for him, since he was not improving at all in fine motor at Montessori (where you essentially pick your own work). I do want him to be as ready for K as he can be - I feel like the answer to having a hard time in special ed pre K is not to go to something "easier," because then gen ed K will be that much harder. The special preschool is not overly academic (IMO) - it's only a fraction of the 3 hour morning that they formally work on pre-academic skills. He has 9 kids and 3 teachers compared to 21 kids at his daycare. He still just knows two letters and can't recognize his name or any numbers, so it's not like he is being asked to read.

I did get into him into a morning class, so he could nap in the afternoons. He has mostly dropped it at this point (he is almost 5) but still gets to lay down every afternoon at least.

We picked a more structured preschool for the skills but you can also just work with him at home. Kumon makes great workbooks for little ones, plus reading with him and supplement with fun apps. Lots of kids go to k without some of those skills. And, do intensive st outside if you can.

[Anonymous]

You might contact Claire Lerner if u are in the DC area - or even if you arent.

A 4 year old has no agenda per se. They are doing the best they can in the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Our current kindergartener also didn't know any letters by the January of his PK-4 year. We did a 6 months of Orton-Gillingham tutoring with Partners in Learning (45 minutes twice a week). The person they paired us with was really good at working with the youngest learners. It was all games. He sometimes couldn't do more than 20 minutes of the session....BUT he learned his letters, and also learned to read most CVC words! He didn't like preschool for various reasons, but in a different environment and using a different approach, he was able to learn much better. It took one thing off our list of things to worry about. I assume it made him more comfortable in kindergarten, but it's hard to know. He has lots of supports in K so hard to know what made the biggest difference. We don't have school avoidance anymore, though. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It can be difficult for a young child to describe what is wrong. Maybe he feels anxious about the setting. I don’t think I’d push the program if he’s not happy and I don’t think I’d assume it doesn’t bode well for K. My son had apraxia and fine motor delays. My other son had very severe fine motor delays and a phonological disorder. Both benefited most from private therapies. Both were very delayed entering K but had great experiences in our public. But our public school had very small class sizes as it was underenrolled. I volunteered as allowed so I could also be a fly on the wall and see how things were really going. It also allowed me to develop good relationships with their teachers so I could be proactive. My son with apraxia attended many different preschool settings. He attended a school from 2-3 that was mainstream but had a reputation for being inclusive. He had kind teachers but he couldn’t communicate his needs although they assured me they understood him. I hired an SLP to work with him at the school and she reported back that they definitely didn’t. Also that he was always on the periphery. We moved him at 3 to our neighborhood play based preschool where they had an open door policy. I could pop in any time I wanted. They worked hard to integrate him socially. He seemed happy to go. We did LEAP (language preschool at UMD) and they let parents stay and observe from behind glass. But he was recommended for a language class through MCPS and he became upset about going. It was a red flag for me and I pulled him.