Taking a step back from work for one's mental health

[Anonymous]

My mental health has not been great since covid. Mostly anxiety, mild depression, perimenopause issues. I have always worked, pt, and then ramped up to FT about a year ago. My job is not "hard" but it is very intense. My eyes twitch, I get a pit in my stomach most days, and my anxiety is pretty bad. During weekends, I feel much better. DH makes 280k. Would you quit and do nothing for a bit? Or would you feel too bad about it? I feel enormous guilt generally, and know that everyone will judge if I do quit and think I am basically a weak person who cannot hack it. On top of that, I earn much less but health insurance is through me, so we'd have to do the ACA (dh's job is awful for insurance, way more than ACA). It is really the only thing keeping me working or I'd have quit already. Wwyd? It will not be easy finding a similar job with benefits.

[Anonymous]

Radical self care, girl. Can you go part time again? Have your looked on ACA to see what your options are?

[Anonymous]

I would take 12 weeks FMLA and look for a new job during that time. You won't have any income but you can keep your health insurance

[Anonymous]

I would quit in a heartbeat. I am 51, perimenopausal, and my job is pouring on toxic levels of stress. I am a mess - anxious, insomnia, I’ve gained 20 lbs. my job is killing me, probably literally. I can’t quit, though - I make more 2/3 the household income and that doesn’t even come close to your DH’s salary alone. I can’t even get another job as a bunch of benefits I’m relying on don’t vest for 4 more years, so I’ve got to hang in till then.

If I could walk away and take care of myself I would. Do it for me, OP. At least one of us should get some relief.

[Anonymous]

I’d go part time. Lots of research showing that avoidance will increase your anxiety.

I like the idea of taking sick leave for a few weeks and looking for a new job.

Not everyone can work full time and that is fine.

I don’t like the idea of quitting, it won’t fix the issues.

What does your therapist think?

[Anonymous]

I would lighten my load by going PT or hiring help at home before quitting and see if it helps. I don't think anyone would blame you, like you think. I've only had eye twitching at my most stressed moments so I can imagine this is bad and your health is not worth it but health care is part of that too. I think you should not have guilt factor into your decision.

[Anonymous]

My first step back was to downshift my position. It was great and really helped. Some staff turnover has now made me decide to quit completely. Yes, I feel "I am basically a weak person who cannot hack it." I'm hoping that some time off will help me regroup and eventually be able to go back to work, although it will likely be in a much lower level position. If our finances can handle it, I might never go back.

[Anonymous]

Look for another position

[Anonymous]

Absolutely, OP. I did this at 48 and I have zero regrets. I’m a single parent who can afford to, but was killing myself and making myself have panic attacks working for money I didn’t meed. The more I make the more my exH took from me. So- I chose me. My mental health. I am a new person. Do it, OP

[Anonymous]

A few people were sounding warning bells about this a while ago. Sixteen years ago after listening to a few podcasts and reading some books (I forget which ones) I remember thinking that the the distinguishing factor between successful students and unsuccessful students is the ability to focus. I haven't been nearly as successful in keeping technology away from them as I wanted, and I had no idea how much they would be using individual devices in schools. So sad. I push them but I 'm not sure they'll be outliers.

[Anonymous]

My sister did this and her company was behind her every step. They allowed her to take on a hybrid schedule where she worked from home 3 full days one week, 2 full days the next. She eventually went back after about 14 weeks feeling MUCH better. Your health comes first.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you might benefit from getting a full physical to rule out a physical basis for how you are feeling. Then also consider talking to a therapist who has an interest in midlife isues for women as it might help you to understand why you are having anxiety and/or depression at this point in life. A trusted therapist might also be able to point out when and if medication might be helpful. Reducing your workload is certainly a good first step. Do not discount the fact that in the aging process your body may be having a chemical imbalance that needs to be dealt with as you might deal with other chronic conditions that can crop up such as diabetes.

[Anonymous]

It’s dreadful waking up every day to go somewhere you dislike. For me, I have to work in an occupation that resonates with me and that draws likeminded people, otherwise I am miserable.

If this is not possible, I agree with a PP about WFH or finding a part time position with benefits. Or finding a better health plan.

[Anonymous]

What kind of benefits does your job have? You mention insurance. Do you have much sick leave accrued? Take it. Don't just quit.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think for someone who has only worked part-time, taking on a full-time job in mid-life must be pretty difficult. If you were younger, or if you needed the money, I would tell you to suck it up. But... you don't need the money. See if you can go back to part-time. If you can't get that in your current job, see if you can find another part time job. You can always quit and say you "retired".