Elderly widower dating very soon after spouse's death
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Anonymous
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My parents were married for 57 years and my dad is dating someone less than 2 months after my mom died. It is nearly killing me to see this development.
My dad is a changed man and is doing things he was never interested in with this woman - going for walks, to the opera, cooking, etc. The thing that really upsets me is that my mom tried to get him to do a lot of these activities and he couldn't be bothered and now he has embraced all of this. It feels like a slap in the face to my mom and I can't take it! Just needed to vent. I do want my dad to be happy, but this is hard to see it happen so quickly after my mom's death. |
Anonymous
| This is so common with widowers |
Anonymous
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He doesn’t have much time left and he knows it.
I know it’s hard OP but he’s in a different place than you are. It’s impossible to understand what he’s going through unless you’ve been there yourself. Allow him some space for happiness. |
Anonymous
+1 He’s likely heartbroken and trying to move through the grief the best way he can. I’m also sorry for your loss, OP. |
Anonymous
| To me it makes sense he's doing all these things. He probably regrets not doing them with your mom and now has a realization he should be doing all these things before its too late |
Anonymous
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I’m sorry for your loss.
Was your mom sick? Was he in a caregiving role for a period of time? If so he may have already come to terms with her death. |
Anonymous
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My dad did the exact same thing. It is sort of ludicrous. In my case, he married the new woman a few years ago.
The reality in my case is that he and my mom were toxic and now he has toxic marriage #2. New wife has been divorced three times before. My sisters and I have pretty low contact with them. |
Anonymous
Better ask him about his will -- toxic wife No. 2 may now be in it! |
Anonymous
| Not to be cruel, but your parents marriage may not have been ideal if he wasn’t willing to do the things with your mother that he’s now doing. Regardless, I wouldn’t be happy either but you just need to see how it plays out. My late sisters husband began dating someone a few months after she died and I’ve just had to accept it. I think she’s a leech but there is nothing I can do. |
Anonymous
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Old men can't be alone. They almost always recouple.
I do understand it can be hard. Advise him against getting remarried (he might already be planning on it) and encourage him to get his finances in order. |
Anonymous
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Op, you probably just need to trick yourself into thinking it's been 2 years. Focusing on the timeframe is the only thing that should be bothering you, and since you have no say here, you'll just have to adjust. You will have to accept it.
Both of your parents had lovers/partners before each other. They had unique relationships with those other partners. Those relationships didn't look like their marriage either, you just didn't know about them. If you want to focus on something that matters ~ you and sibling should know his finances, the future for your family. |
Anonymous
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Sorry OP, this is how most men are. And don't worry, he's doing the typical male thing and putting on a show for the new lady - once he thinks he's got her caught, he'll start disregarding her just like he did your mother.
This is how most men are. |
Anonymous
| I’m so sorry op. It is incredibly common with male widowers but very difficult! Especially the activities thing I can see why that’s hurtful. You’re doing a good job just accepting your feelings and ultimately not being the only one there for your dad will be a good thing but it’s hard |
Anonymous
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It makes sense that he wants to do this and it makes sense that seeing it is emotionally upsetting to you. Neither of you are wrong.
I'm sorry for your loss. |
Anonymous
| sorry for your loss OP, Dad did the same thing...I rarely see a man stay un-coupled after a multi-decade spouse passes away.... |