Basic manners

[Anonymous]

At what point in an adult child's life is it no longer appropriate as their parent to attempt to help them with manners or social constructs?

20s - I could see especially new in their careers
30s - maybe
40s - lost cause?
50s - we've failed as parents?

Fwiw adult child hasn't been diagnosed with a learning disability or mental health disorder but they are just not acting within social norms for manners. I'm assuming lost cause at this point and not worth the energy or possible lost relationship but it's definitely embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

When you are you needing to observe these manners for any length of time? As an independent adult, I imagine you're only in their presence a few times a week, at most.

[Anonymous]

Can you be more specific about the behaviour in question?

[Anonymous]

40s and 50s?! Really need examples here. Are we talking eating with mouth open or having explosive rages at the dinner table?

[Anonymous]

Are you mortified because Bunny from the club saw your daughter out in the grocery store in sweaty gym clothes without even a dash of lipstick on?

Or does your son keep bombing interviews because he shows up late, picks his teeth, and responds "I dunno" to questions, making him a 20-year resident of your basement?

[Anonymous]

Rarely appropriate (even if you are supporting them) once they are adults (unless they've asked for your help).

No longer appropriate at all (unless they are asking for your help) when you are not supporting them.

[Anonymous]

Early twenties. You had your chance.

Be really careful that you aren't interpreting generational differences as bad manners. If they're shutting down your diet talk, rejecting your comments on people of other races and cultures, etc., then it's not really bad manners. It's them standing up for something they believe is really important.

If it's something like rejecting your new partner, well, it means they don't like that person and they don't have to. Stop trying to force "blended family" and they may stop being intentionally rude to make the point. I had to do this with my mom for a while.

[Anonymous]

If it's something you wouldn't say to a friend, don't say it to an independent adult, even if your child. imho

[Anonymous]

Whenever you're ready to hear their feedback on your manners in return. You're both adults now, so if you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early twenties. You had your chance.

Be really careful that you aren't interpreting generational differences as bad manners. If they're shutting down your diet talk, rejecting your comments on people of other races and cultures, etc., then it's not really bad manners. It's them standing up for something they believe is really important.

If it's something like rejecting your new partner, well, it means they don't like that person and they don't have to. Stop trying to force "blended family" and they may stop being intentionally rude to make the point. I had to do this with my mom for a while.

Without any more context from OP, I agree with this.
By their early twenties, Regardless of the Situation, a young adult should know how and when to: Say thank you, Be polite with company, Dress apporpriately for the occasion, Excuse themselves from a room or a situation, Communicate their preference or ideas on a matter or topic with composure, Shut down a conversation they do not want to engage in.
If by manners OP you're talking about behaving like some Martha Stewart apron-wearing clone, that time has passed.

[Anonymous]

I was just watching Love is Blind yesterday and a man who thought he was old enough to get married at age 30, yet at a restaurant picked up a bowl of soup and slurped it all into his mouth. His "fiancee" should RUN. If he doesn't know basic table manners by age 30, there's no hope for this idiot.

[Anonymous]

not knowing vs not caring is different. Few are not knowing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what point in an adult child's life is it no longer appropriate as their parent to attempt to help them with manners or social constructs?

20s - I could see especially new in their careers
30s - maybe
40s - lost cause?
50s - we've failed as parents?

Fwiw adult child hasn't been diagnosed with a learning disability or mental health disorder but they are just not acting within social norms for manners. I'm assuming lost cause at this point and not worth the energy or possible lost relationship but it's definitely embarrassing.

Just release yourself of running their lives and polishing their image because their lives reflect on you. Let them be and just love them for who they are. You did your job, all of you are adults now, responsible for your own ships.

[Anonymous]

My mother was a stickler for manners when I was a kid and I remember asking why she didn’t correct me any more when I was like 17 (as I self corrected by taking my elbows of the table). She says she figured out habits were largely formed by 13 and she had more important things to spend her influence on. And I (and she) seem to feel me and my sisters turned out well so I say 13 — maybe 15 at the outside. Unless they ask for your help. I asked my parents for help with my first cover letters I think; that’s manners of a sort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early twenties. You had your chance.

Be really careful that you aren't interpreting generational differences as bad manners. If they're shutting down your diet talk, rejecting your comments on people of other races and cultures, etc., then it's not really bad manners. It's them standing up for something they believe is really important.

If it's something like rejecting your new partner, well, it means they don't like that person and they don't have to. Stop trying to force "blended family" and they may stop being intentionally rude to make the point. I had to do this with my mom for a while.

Wait am I missing something? What’s wrong with dieting to make sure you’re healthy and talking openly about it?

I hate this new trend of we have to accept all body types even if they are unhealthy. Unhealthy is unhealthy.