A DCUM how would you react

[Anonymous]

This was a situation that happened with DH and me and for whatever reason it came up in discussion at work last night and I was surprised by how many people would have reacted differently. It is a quiet day at home and I'm bored so posting it here.

DH, DS, and I went away for 5 days to a city we don't get to often (maybe once every two years). Spouse A has to work during the week. Spouse A has also been dying to go to a particular restaurant but reservations are near impossible. They open up at midnight and are gone within 5 min unless it is an off time. We couldn't get reservations around a time that would work for Spouse A. Spouse B has never really cared about going but has heard its good so was going along with it. Spouse B gets reservations for themselves and kid at a random time (like 215) and says they will bring spouse A takeaway they can have for lunch the following day.

As spouse A are you

Mad Spouse B is going since they never cared about it?
Glad they are going and that you at least get to try it?
Annoyed they are going and huffy because it wont taste the same?

I know it is a ridiculous post but I'm bored

[Anonymous]

Ehhh I think I would be mad about my spouse going when I can't be there, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Annoyed plus, but not raging. It's super insensitive while the family is on a trip that is a required part of Person A's job, presumably not fun to be working, that Person B and the kids are doing this fun thing.
If person B did not work outside the home, I'd be extra annoyed and closer to mad but not raging still. And I would not want the take out at all. I want to eat that meal in the restaurant and I want to have the experience of looking at the menu and deciding then and there what I want based on what I am seeing served around me and how it smells, and the weather and the specials being offered.

[Anonymous]

Glad that I'd get some takeaway. Something is better than nothing. Since I'd be working and can't actually GO to the restaurant.

[Anonymous]

I'd be annoyed because my spouse and kid are going to do the thing I am most excited about doing in the city, and I can't go because I'm working on the vacation, and my spouse isn't. And the fact that my spouse and kid are sort of ambivalent about the restaurant would heighten my annoyance.

Them offering to bring me takeout would feel like a consolation prize. A lot of fine dining doesn't travel very well, and usually going to a special restaurant is in part about the ambiance and service, so it just doesn't compare.

On the other hand, if going to the restaurant was very important to me, why didn't I put the effort into getting reservations at a time we could all go? The fact that I didn't do this might sort of mitigate my annoyance. It shouldn't be up to my spouse to make sure I get to do something I want to do -- I'm an adult and could have planned ahead to avoid this problem.

If I were Spouse B, I would avoid the situation altogether by not going to the restaurant my spouse is really excited about without them. I might offer to pick up takeout from that restaurant for all of us at some point during the trip if we couldn't get a reservation altogether. I think it's weird Spouse B made the reservation for a restaurant they weren't that excited about, especially at a random time.

[Anonymous]

I’d be sad and annoyed too by spouse B doing something I really wanted to do. If I were spouse a I’d make it happen by taking a sick day or something like that.

[Anonymous]

I would be really irritated that my spouse who didn’t care about the restaurant made a reservation there without me. I know that they were trying to be nice offering to bring food back but that sounds like a pitiful consolation prize.

[Anonymous]

Since I can’t go anyway, why does it matter that my spouse goes to the restaurant? My day is the same either way. Being jealous of my own spouse for not having to work is kind of insane if both parties agreed to the arrangement that we travel and one parent is not working during that time. I’d be happy with the takeaway and hope that we could all go together sometime in the future.

Are working parents always mad when their non working spouses get to do something fun during the day?

[Anonymous]

Glad they're going and excited that I'm going to get a taste, even though I know the table experience would be better!

Can't relate to the other answers, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Spouse B needs a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be annoyed because my spouse and kid are going to do the thing I am most excited about doing in the city, and I can't go because I'm working on the vacation, and my spouse isn't. And the fact that my spouse and kid are sort of ambivalent about the restaurant would heighten my annoyance.

Them offering to bring me takeout would feel like a consolation prize. A lot of fine dining doesn't travel very well, and usually going to a special restaurant is in part about the ambiance and service, so it just doesn't compare.

On the other hand, if going to the restaurant was very important to me, why didn't I put the effort into getting reservations at a time we could all go? The fact that I didn't do this might sort of mitigate my annoyance. It shouldn't be up to my spouse to make sure I get to do something I want to do -- I'm an adult and could have planned ahead to avoid this problem.

If I were Spouse B, I would avoid the situation altogether by not going to the restaurant my spouse is really excited about without them. I might offer to pick up takeout from that restaurant for all of us at some point during the trip if we couldn't get a reservation altogether. I think it's weird Spouse B made the reservation for a restaurant they weren't that excited about, especially at a random time.

This.

[Anonymous]

Bummed, but would get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ehhh I think I would be mad about my spouse going when I can't be there, honestly.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be annoyed because my spouse and kid are going to do the thing I am most excited about doing in the city, and I can't go because I'm working on the vacation, and my spouse isn't. And the fact that my spouse and kid are sort of ambivalent about the restaurant would heighten my annoyance.

Them offering to bring me takeout would feel like a consolation prize. A lot of fine dining doesn't travel very well, and usually going to a special restaurant is in part about the ambiance and service, so it just doesn't compare.

On the other hand, if going to the restaurant was very important to me, why didn't I put the effort into getting reservations at a time we could all go? The fact that I didn't do this might sort of mitigate my annoyance. It shouldn't be up to my spouse to make sure I get to do something I want to do -- I'm an adult and could have planned ahead to avoid this problem.

If I were Spouse B, I would avoid the situation altogether by not going to the restaurant my spouse is really excited about without them. I might offer to pick up takeout from that restaurant for all of us at some point during the trip if we couldn't get a reservation altogether. I think it's weird Spouse B made the reservation for a restaurant they weren't that excited about, especially at a random time.

Wow I’m the opposite. I’d be happy they got to try it (even if it was my wish and not theirs) and look forward to take out. I can’t imagine being upset that my spouse and kids got to do something cool, just bc I was busy working. Curious OP: which spouse are you in the scenario?

[Anonymous]

I’d feel envious of spouse B and pout a little, but then I’d get over it quickly and think of a way to take time off work to make it to the restaurant at an unconventional hour.