kids with learning struggles

[Anonymous]

If your kid has learning struggles at school( like dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia or something similar), how they are doing now at MS/HS? What do they do as an adult? With IEP and parent's support/active involvement/private tutoring, does things normally get better or get worse when they get older? It makes me lose patience to sit and re-teach my ES kid when it comes to reviewing what she learns at school and doing homework together, I & DH have been taking turns to do it and trying our best. It has been painful and not fun for everyone, and sometimes I have to hold my frustration & anger at the thought why she can't get it after showing her many times. At this rate, we will be really really happy if she could graduates high school with a diploma, and we will be beyond excitement if she could attend any 2 year/4 year college and graduates in any major. We have thought about it what happens if she could not graduate high school because of failing grades, and it seems it will limit her choices for jobs that she could do. We are in MCPS. We have tried to explore her interests, and we hope that she could make a living out of it one day if school is really not for her. We have not given up on her yet, but we want to prepare for the worst case. Any wise advice or tips for parents with ES kid struggling with it and worrying about the future?

[Anonymous]

Does she work with a tutor who uses evidence based curricula (ie, Orton Gillingham)? Can you afford to consider a school specializing in learning disabilities? If she's not retaining what she's been taught, it's not being taught in a way that's effective for her.

[Anonymous]

ES not so good, lots of help
MS was torture not sure how we survived.

Orton gilingham tutor the whole time.

HS went to the Good Counsel Ryken program.

2 kids, both in college one in graduate school

1st 2 years of college is a struggle. But they are both .5-1.5 years from being done.

It's scary, it's hard.

[Anonymous]

I’d stop looking so far ahead. It’s not helpful for any child. Focus on what you can do now.

[Anonymous]

It did got so much worse. And after awhile receptiveness to our efforts waned. HS diploma happened because we continued to put in the work with our kid. And honestly it required so much more time and effort in HS - like three times the hours each week night and weekly communication with the school. Trade school led to a well paying job with a good future. Alls well that ends well I guess.

[Anonymous]

DC has an ADHD, dysgraphia, reading disorder NOS, and a language disorder. ES was OK because he was smart and I was providing support at home so didn’t appear to be “failing“. But he had difficulty socially and with teachers.

In retrospect, I wish I medicated him earlier, and I wish I could have afforded to invest heavily in an OG tutor and, later, a writing coach. Tutoring him myself really had a negative impact on our parent-child relationship. Even though I was able to remain calm and try to be supportive, he was “hearing me” quite differently. It got worse in MS & HS because of the overlay of teen independence and rejection of parent. He did graduate high school and did go to college (there are lots of 2 & 4 year colleges that don’t require “good grades”). I wish we had taken him on a college tour at the end of MS and really explained that college would be better than the next 4 years and explained what exactly was necessary to get in & also talked realistically about the alternative (working at low pay). I think it would have been motivating.

Ultimately, he is in college and has selected a career that aligns with his strengths and weaknesses and interests. I think he’ll be OK.

[Anonymous]

My DS has dyslexia and is in 9th grade. So far he's getting A's but we have to keep on him to prepare and study. He can handle the school work just fine, at this point, but he has to give himself adequate time.

[Anonymous]

I am an adult with dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, auditory discrimination, and ADHD. ES was a struggle, I remember tears and refusing to do homework with my Dad because he could not understand how I could not remember the process for, well, anything. School support was ok but not great. I worked a lot with my Mom. I flunked 8th grade science and was a solid C-D student in math and science in ES and MS. We discovered how I tested and learned when I was sick as a Freshman in HS and had to make up work and tests, my grades on the tests jumped from Ds to Bs. After determining that I hadn't cheated, I was allowed to take tests in the resource room, untimed, and to talk to myself. My grades greatly improved. I never took honors math or science but was in honors/AP English, History, and Government classes. I went on to earn my PhD in a Social Studies field.

My sibling had more severe LDs then I did. He worked with tutors for years. My parents moved him out of the Public Schools in7th grade after he had been placed in a class with kids who were low IQ. He did fine in MS, HS, and College, more a C-B student but super social and out going. He is by far the most successful of all of my siblings as an adult. He is crushing his job. Not surprisingly, he landed in a sales position which works great for his personality. He has a strong support staff at work that helps with a lot of the executive functioning stuff he struggles with.

Your post tells me that you know this but I will say this from my perspective. It was very clear to me that my Dad thought I was an idiot. My older siblings had no learning issues and picked up on everything really quickly and easily. Doing homework with him was awful and I started to refuse to work with him early in ES. Mom had my same learning issues so was not the best tutor for me but she understood why I was struggling, had the same issues I did, and I learned that we could get the right answer and understand the subject if I worked hard enough. It was tedious and painful and I still hate word problems with the passion of a thousand suns but I knew I could figure it out.

Please understand that your child wants to learn, and I think that you know this, and is trying their hardest. This is frustrating and hard for them. those deep breaths and working to not show your frustration are really, really essential. There is a good chance that your child is understanding more then you know, and your kid knows, and they just can't show it. Try and find something that your child excels at and loves and make sure to be there as their biggest cheerleader. Dad was on the sidelines of every sport I played and my biggest cheerleader.

Just hang in there. There are lots of kids who struggle who do well as an adult. Your kid can get there. One of my Mom's biggest smiles was when I showed her the invitations I was sending to the not so supportive Teachers from ES when I completed my PhD. I doubt that they got them, I doubt that they rememered me. But it brought me great joy to tell them they were wrong.

[Anonymous]

I have dyslexia and discalculia and so does my high school son. I have a masters degree and a good job now, but I was an academic basket case in elementary and middle school. I wasn’t a good student in high school. College was better. Graduate school - after 6 years working and some more brain maturation - was really good.

I remember all of this, know how awful school was for me, and yet I still struggle with how poor a student my son is. I realize why he can’t memorize the cell cycle or write a good essay, and get I get frustrated with him. It is all fear - what will he do? How will he earn a living? I was no more accomplished at 17 than he is, but I still catastrophize.

Elementary school is way too soon to know who your child will be. High school is way too early to know who your child will be! Life is long, and learning happens at its own pace. I hope you can take some pressure off yourselves and your child. I grew up terribly ashamed of my failure to live up to the family’s academic expectations.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you for sharing. She is not my only kid, so I want to prepare myself mentally & financially what I could expect. It seems there will be a lot more struggles than I thought to be. My another child also costs me a lot of money for therapies every year but at least I don't have to worry the academic part. Can I train myself in OG tutoring for my own child? I work full yime, but if there are any virtual or weekend/weeknight classes in montgomery county. I am interested in signing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you for sharing. She is not my only kid, so I want to prepare myself mentally & financially what I could expect. It seems there will be a lot more struggles than I thought to be. My another child also costs me a lot of money for therapies every year but at least I don't have to worry the academic part. Can I train myself in OG tutoring for my own child? I work full yime, but if there are any virtual or weekend/weeknight classes in montgomery county. I am interested in signing up.

Check out All About Reading/Spelling. It's aimed towards non-teachers utilizing it at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an adult with dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, auditory discrimination, and ADHD. ES was a struggle, I remember tears and refusing to do homework with my Dad because he could not understand how I could not remember the process for, well, anything. School support was ok but not great. I worked a lot with my Mom. I flunked 8th grade science and was a solid C-D student in math and science in ES and MS. We discovered how I tested and learned when I was sick as a Freshman in HS and had to make up work and tests, my grades on the tests jumped from Ds to Bs. After determining that I hadn't cheated, I was allowed to take tests in the resource room, untimed, and to talk to myself. My grades greatly improved. I never took honors math or science but was in honors/AP English, History, and Government classes. I went on to earn my PhD in a Social Studies field.

My sibling had more severe LDs then I did. He worked with tutors for years. My parents moved him out of the Public Schools in7th grade after he had been placed in a class with kids who were low IQ. He did fine in MS, HS, and College, more a C-B student but super social and out going. He is by far the most successful of all of my siblings as an adult. He is crushing his job. Not surprisingly, he landed in a sales position which works great for his personality. He has a strong support staff at work that helps with a lot of the executive functioning stuff he struggles with.

Your post tells me that you know this but I will say this from my perspective. It was very clear to me that my Dad thought I was an idiot. My older siblings had no learning issues and picked up on everything really quickly and easily. Doing homework with him was awful and I started to refuse to work with him early in ES. Mom had my same learning issues so was not the best tutor for me but she understood why I was struggling, had the same issues I did, and I learned that we could get the right answer and understand the subject if I worked hard enough. It was tedious and painful and I still hate word problems with the passion of a thousand suns but I knew I could figure it out.

Please understand that your child wants to learn, and I think that you know this, and is trying their hardest. This is frustrating and hard for them. those deep breaths and working to not show your frustration are really, really essential. There is a good chance that your child is understanding more then you know, and your kid knows, and they just can't show it. Try and find something that your child excels at and loves and make sure to be there as their biggest cheerleader. Dad was on the sidelines of every sport I played and my biggest cheerleader.

Just hang in there. There are lots of kids who struggle who do well as an adult. Your kid can get there. One of my Mom's biggest smiles was when I showed her the invitations I was sending to the not so supportive Teachers from ES when I completed my PhD. I doubt that they got them, I doubt that they rememered me. But it brought me great joy to tell them they were wrong.

you really buried the lede there!! what is your PhD in?

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your sharing. My spouse (not genetically related to our 5th grade kiddo) has auditory processing and maybe some other LDs and also got a PhD. Had pull out in elementary school, a lot of parent/stepparent tutoring in high school, did not go to a prestigious university as undergrad.

I also sometimes get wound up about our kiddo, because the deficits seem so huge -- not recognizing that possibility is related to possible or necessities is related to necessary, lots of difficulty understanding what was read. I try to remember how far kiddo has come, and I can imagine my kiddo being great at sales, too!

[Anonymous]

Ha! One of my friends with all of those diagnosis became a nuclear engineer.

Though I know that’s the exception, not the rule. You should look into trades. Careers like electrician earn a lot. But whenever you feel down, just remember that are tons of kids who end up going to college and getting real degrees but still end up waiting tables after graduation. If your child spends some time doing that kind of work as she finds herself, that’s completely fine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you for sharing. She is not my only kid, so I want to prepare myself mentally & financially what I could expect. It seems there will be a lot more struggles than I thought to be. My another child also costs me a lot of money for therapies every year but at least I don't have to worry the academic part. Can I train myself in OG tutoring for my own child? I work full yime, but if there are any virtual or weekend/weeknight classes in montgomery county. I am interested in signing up.

I think the Barton method can be used by non-teachers. From what I understand, it's very scripted so may be a little boring, but can be used by parents. My kids with dyslexia and ADHD are in college and both are doing well. I think a key was early and intense OG tutoring during ES. They still struggle with processing speed, working memory and one still struggles sounding out some words, but they both chose majors that are aligned with their strengths. My husband also has dyslexia and he was a math major so he could avoid reading as much as possible. He's very successful in his career.

I think it might help your daughter if she sees there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Once she goes to college she can choose what to study and find something she enjoys.