I don't have time for this.
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Anonymous
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I have been on the phone 3x today with my mom about ordering groceries. And twice over the weekend. She cannot drive any longer and has Alzheimer's.
She calls me several times during the week when I'm at work (on client calls) and then I have to call her back and she can't recall why. Would it be unreasonable for me to just block her number during the day? I hate saying that, but it's a constant distraction and I'm already managing multiple appts for my teen kids plus myself, and my husband travels frequently. I have two siblings. The one who lives 5 minutes away decided she is moving 800 miles away this coming spring and so she has divested herself of any responsibility. The other one seems to be taking on the lion's share of responsibility, but like me, lives approx 90 miles away. She's also dealing with a lot of guilt around my father's death 10 years ago and I think is subconsciously trying to make up for it by managing my mom - so I think she is going to burn out quickly. I'm feeling a ton of guilt bc mom helped me out a lot when the kids were little - I don't know how I would have survived (literally - I was severely depressed and suicidal twice) if she hadn't been there for me. But this just isn't a tenable situation when I have a job, kids, and my own health issues I have to manage. |
Anonymous
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If you get fired, you won't be able to help her financially. So blocking her during your workday is indirectly in her interest.
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Anonymous
Well, to be fair, I'm not helping her financially, and there is no plan or need to. |
Anonymous
| What is her financial situation? Who has control of her finances? It sounds like she's living at home? and not somewhere that could manage her condition. |
Anonymous
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She sure shouldn't be cooking! She'll burn the house down! No cooking
What groceries does she need? |
Anonymous
| Shouldn't she be in an assisted living place? |
Anonymous
This. Is she living alone? This does not sound safe. Can she hire a helper? |
Anonymous
| She should be in memory care. The food and transport are provided. You can hire an aide to go to doctor's appointments with her if needed. It will get worse and worse and could destroy sibling relationships. You cannot compare this to caring for grandchildren. She has very complex needs that will get greater. |
Anonymous
| God I hope my kids turn out better. |
Anonymous
This is more than talking on the phone, OP. This is not a safe situation for her. She needs a HHA or to move into a facility. Alzheimer's gets worse, not better. |
Anonymous
| You've posted before. It sucks. You need to hire someone to be there with her or she needs to go into a nursing home or memory care. She's past the assisted living stage. Sorry you are going through this. |
Anonymous
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You should have put her in continuous care when your dad died.
Now she needs to be put in assisted living. Temporarily call an elder care company and get her an aid. |
Anonymous
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I agree with PPs that she needs more assistance.
As very short term solutions while you work on that, can you get groceries or prepared meals sent on a schedule? Get her to text or leave a voice mail? Have her use Alexa which will record voice commands so you can see them later? Have you talked to the nearby sibling (who is moving) about being available on the phone? Sorry you are dealing with this. |
Anonymous
| I also think you should work with her to learn Alexa or Google Home. They can send texts and A text will be less interruptive than a call. And she can use it to set reminders, add things to a shopping list, and more. You don’t want to block your mom. That’s a blow torch solution for a scissor problem. |
Anonymous
| I blocked my mom from calling me. She was in memory care and used to call all the time to say "did you know that dad died?" I just could not handle getting those calls 10x a day at work. |