So at a loss with teen’s rudeness

[Anonymous]

Whenever we spend time with extended family, she is just so unbelievably rude. She doesn’t want to be there, makes it clear from her actions that she does not want to be there, & treats everyone around her like shit. Not blatant behaviors, but by total lack of engagement, sour face, & one word responses. Her siblings and cousins are all younger so there is no family member her age to hang with. I get that teens want to be with their friends but that should not give her a free pass for her behavior. We’ve discussed this before. When she said it that it felt like too much, we began letting her pass on some events and get togethers. I said I expected that in turn, she will be engaged and present when she is with the family. Today we planned an afternoon out with all of us since it was such a nice day. Her first in a few weeks. She was as miserable and rude as ever.

I get that I can’t force her to enjoy it (though I wish she would). Yet, when she does attend she makes it miserable for everyone. But allowing her to disconnect from the family is not an acceptable option. I honestly do not know how to proceed. How do I handle this?

[Anonymous]

How does she make it miserable? Just ignore her.

[Anonymous]

How often are you doing it and what are the outings?

[Anonymous]

Just ignore, except for blatantly disrespectful, mean comments. It will pass.

[Anonymous]

Teens need their peers and space. I would only push them for holiday or milestone to be with extended family. The pulling away is natural and the harder you fight it the longer it will be before they circle back after ‘finding themselves’ after college.

[Anonymous]

You raised a spoiled brat.

Time to fix this.

She comes with you.

She can sulk all she wants however she does not need that phone you pay for. Can't communicate nicely with family no phone in my house.

[Anonymous]

Look at her perspective. There is no one her age. Adults probably ignore her and expect her to babysit the younger ones.

[Anonymous]

Using the excuse that all the cousins are younger is not acceptable. Somebody will always be oldest and always be youngest. In our family the kids range from age 3 to 17, and after 17 is a 14 yr old. When they are present, their electronics are put away, they are engaged, kind, helpful, playing, etc.

Tell your kid that from now on she'll need to attend every event since clearly she needs practice on how to mingle and socialize even when she doesn't feel like it. This is FAMILY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does she make it miserable? Just ignore her.

No way. When my kids are rude like this, I pull them aside and tell them it’s unacceptable. If it’s a one-time thing and they’re having a bad day, that’s different. But if they’re just generally rude and sulking to everyone, then no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look at her perspective. There is no one her age. Adults probably ignore her and expect her to babysit the younger ones.

Oh my. This is why there are so many rude kids. Adults rationalize this selfish behavior. Why can’t they engage with younger cousins? Why can’t they chat with their aunts or uncles or help in the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

We probably see them every weekend at least once. Hanging out at our house or theirs, meeting for dinner, or doing a day or weekend trip. She used to love it when she was younger. They left overseas for 3 years and came back last summer. Now DD is 15 and the whole dynamic is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she make it miserable? Just ignore her.

No way. When my kids are rude like this, I pull them aside and tell them it’s unacceptable. If it’s a one-time thing and they’re having a bad day, that’s different. But if they’re just generally rude and sulking to everyone, then no.

Of course you can say this. And then ignore them if they continue. I refuse to let my teens make gatherings miserable.

[Anonymous]

I would give time limits. Like, hang out with engagement and no sour face for an hour. The rest of the night is hers, and she can go to her room, with friends etc. I think the main thing is being present when they’re there but not necessarily being there all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We probably see them every weekend at least once. Hanging out at our house or theirs, meeting for dinner, or doing a day or weekend trip. She used to love it when she was younger. They left overseas for 3 years and came back last summer. Now DD is 15 and the whole dynamic is different.

It's normal.

[Anonymous]

She is a B. Disrespectful towards family members? No mam. Since she can not handle being around her family for a couple hours every couple weeks without being sour, then i would up the time she spends with family until she learns how to interact. Also, since she can not handle a conversation, seems like the phone needs to go away so she has more face to face interactions.