"Baby not ready for daycare"

[Anonymous]

Our DD has had a couple of 2hr visits to her soon-to-be DCP to begin getting acclimated. She is 5mos old. Both visits ended with a call that she was melting down and by the time we got there she was sobbing. She was clearly exhausted, and fell asleep in the car before we'd even turned off of DCP's street. Exposed to the stimulation of all the other kids, plus just being tired after a few hours generally, it was tough on her.

Now, we hate to see our baby cry and don't want her to be upset. We're not a CIO family when it comes to sleep, so we don't want to be CIO about daycare. But it was strange to hear the DCP say "I don't think she's ready for daycare." What does that mean? Not that I want my baby to cry at all, but how are we supposed to prepare her for an environment where she's away from mommy and surrounded by a bunch of other kids? How and when would she be ready?

Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Is she on a schedule that you could get them to follow? Even if it is a loose one?

Can you leave a photo of you there? An item of clothing?

[Anonymous]

I can understand how you feel, but I cant see how a provider can deem a child not ready for childcare. Every child has the potential to get upset and cry, and then there are some who dont.

In my daycare, I give it more than a few days, at least 2 weeks and only then will i tell the parents if their child isnt adjusting. There could be a reason she isnt....too much stimulation, first time away from those she knows, or she just isnt clicking with the provider. It does happen. The hard part is changing around until you find the right person.

is the provider not willing to keep trying? if so, then you do need to move along.

[Anonymous]

I think I'd check with and try out another provider if you can. I've never heard of a 5 month old having serious problems adjusting to day care, especially just for a couple of hours.

[Anonymous]

seems strange. I had mine in daycare at that age. He did not cry at all. Is your daughter sensitive to loud noises? Was it her nap time or something?

[Anonymous]

It did seem strange to us. Her morning nap is fairly set, so we had suggested a mid-morning visit when we know she's in a good mood, but the DCP refused. we presumed it was due to the daily schedule at the daycare. So, DD had a short nap before heading there at 1pm, but wasn't going in totally well rested. She's had tons of exposure to adults and being "passed around' at family functions, but we're guessing that 2 solid hours with a bunch of other infants and toddlers, especially without mom there, was a lot to handle. We didn't know if this was normal for a DCP to just give up on her, or if we should expect a period of adjustment.

[Anonymous]

Is it a home day care with mixed ages? She might do better in a 100% infant room. Easily found at centers, but I think you could find a home day care situation like that, as well.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how this would fit into your work schedule, but I would strongly suggest that you have the daycare provider call you when your child is in a good mood and calm and then enter the room. You really should do this several times (days in a row.) You want to have your child associate the daycare setting with something positive.

[Anonymous]

we had suggested a mid-morning visit when we know she's in a good mood, but the DCP refused

That is a huge red flag in my book. I wouldn't leave my child in a place where I wasn't welcome any time, no questions asked. My provider likes to say that when your child is there, her home is your home too. Parents can come in, check on their kids, stay as long as they want and there is never any problem with it.

[Anonymous]

I would find out why a morning visit was not welcome (our daycare is total access). Secondly, what is the makeup ofthe daycare? Is it a home daycare with mixed ages? Are the babies separated out? Toddlers can be very loud and aggressive and if she's not used to it could freak her out.

[Anonymous]

You need a new DCP.

[Anonymous]

Get out of this situation ASAP. A parent should be able to visit their own child anytime they choose. I can see the red flags from here!

[Anonymous]

DD went through the same thing at 4 months...we tried it for 3 weeks and then pulled her. She was fine when I left, but cried ALOT during the day and was nearly inconsolable when I got there to pick her up. Turns out, it just wasn't a good fit for our family. I really worried that she wasn't ready for daycare, but I had to return to work...it turned out that she just needed to be elsewhere (she is thriving now at 8 months).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get out of this situation ASAP. A parent should be able to visit their own child anytime they choose. I can see the red flags from here!

She didnt say her child was there already, she said she was not allowed to bring her child to visit in the morning.

As a provider myself, I do not conduct interviews while the children are here. suspicious? NO I do not have a thing to hide, however I do have clients that I feel it is my responsibility to not allow every tom, dick and harry into my house while their kids are there. It is all about safety!! On the other hand, any child already ENROLLED, that parent can come in at any time they want, no heads up notice, nothing. But I refuse to allow strangers in around my kids. I just recently had someone contact me for an interview and after telling her this, she thanked me for this rule and said she appreciated me doing it this way.

After all, I see parents on here complaining that in home providers can have people coming and going while centers are more controlled, but then those same parents are complaining we wont open our doors for interviews during daycare hours. IMHO, most parents are interviewing multiple places, which means they are in and out my home and not necessarily coming here. Just getting a look-see, feel, whatever. Well, why should I expose the kids to this unnecessarily? My feeling is, you come for an interview in the evening, when I have more time to deal with meeting you and your child, my husband is on hand in case I get someone who isnt being sincere or whatever (I think of craigslist and how people are robbed and or killed letting people they dont know come to their houses.). IF all clicks and it works out, I will THEN set up a time to let them come in, again at a time convenient to ME. The one time I will NOT allow anyone in is during naptime. The kids need their rest and get disrupted and I cant show my rooms to the house during naptime. Otherwise I am pretty open the rest of the day for a repeat visit. Parents should be thankful and respect that.

Again all MHO

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. It did bother us quite a bit, and I've shared this thread with my DH. It's given us something to think about.

21:00 - I see your point. Slight difference here...we weren't interviewing for placement. We had selected this provider and, at her suggestion, were dropping DD off for a couple of brief visits before her first full day there so that she could begin to get acclimated and comfortable. I did not stay for DD's visit. I understand fully your requirement to conduct interviews at night. We did that with a number of providers, but before selecting one, we also insisted on a brief daytime visit with our final two choices. Unless I see you interacting with the kids in your care, everything else is superfluous (answers to interview questions, reference checks, and so forth)