Mother Shows No Interest in My Life

[Anonymous]

I know, whiniest subject line ever!

It's how I feel right now, though, and how I often feel after I get off the phone with her. She literally asks me no questions about me or my life -- not even general ones like, "How was your week?" I ask her questions and respond to her responses; I feel like I fully engage with her and all her updates, and then it's just, "Oh, well. I guess I'd better be going!"

It's been like this for a while. And it's fine -- there are far bigger problems in the world. It's just days like this one, at the end of a challenging week (spouse on work travel, sick kid, busy week at work and trying to juggle all three), I childishly just want to scream, "I'm actually pretty exhausted, thanks for asking!! Don't I matter at all?!?"

Whew. Vent over. Thanks so much for reading/listening. It helps just to get it out.

[Anonymous]

My mom is the same. I have sort of accepted that she will never be the mother that I need. I call her much less than I used to.

[Anonymous]

Some people tend to get very self-absorbed as they get older. It sucks but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Boomer?

Common. At least you know where you stand, don’t go out of your way for her, she won’t appreciate it or reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

My mom asks nothing about my life. She doesn’t even know what I do for a living because she has never made the effort to listen. She doesn’t know how to relate to anyone. Sometimes it makes me sad but I accepted it a long time ago. Our lives are very very different and she just doesn’t have a clue how to relate.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she thinks your life is boring. Maybe she thinks if you have something interesting to say, you'll just say it. Why stand on ceremony and cry to us she doesn't ask about your life? Just say "Mom, let me tell you all about how Larlo projectile puked on the principal!"

[Anonymous]

Same, sorry to hear OP. My mom is either autistic or narcissistic or both. She lacks empathy. She’s self absorbed. It’s not old age, it’s been forever.
One day when I was really struggling, I finally asked why she wasn’t interested in hearing about my day?
And I went further. I said I couldn’t keep being the person to complain to, all the time. I couldn’t keep listening to her problems.

The phone call frequency decreased. Sometimes I just didn’t pick up. And now there are no more calls.
And this is just fine with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she thinks your life is boring. Maybe she thinks if you have something interesting to say, you'll just say it. Why stand on ceremony and cry to us she doesn't ask about your life? Just say "Mom, let me tell you all about how Larlo projectile puked on the principal!"

You clearly don’t have a parent like this. OP’s mom doesn’t think OP’s life is “boring,” she doesn’t think about OP at all. If OP tried to interject about Larlo puking, her mother would change the subject immediately back to herself…”Larlo, hmm, that reminds me that my neighbor Sally got a new haircut, let me tell what I think about it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know, whiniest subject line ever!

It's how I feel right now, though, and how I often feel after I get off the phone with her. She literally asks me no questions about me or my life -- not even general ones like, "How was your week?" I ask her questions and respond to her responses; I feel like I fully engage with her and all her updates, and then it's just, "Oh, well. I guess I'd better be going!"

It's been like this for a while. And it's fine -- there are far bigger problems in the world. It's just days like this one, at the end of a challenging week (spouse on work travel, sick kid, busy week at work and trying to juggle all three), I childishly just want to scream, "I'm actually pretty exhausted, thanks for asking!! Don't I matter at all?!?"

Whew. Vent over. Thanks so much for reading/listening. It helps just to get it out.

If she asked about your life then you would be on DCUM complaining that she was butting into your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people tend to get very self-absorbed as they get older. It sucks but it is what it is.

This. My stepdad does this. My stepmom same. Both late 70s. All their aches and pains, doctor visits, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Our older neighbors are like this. It's not just parents.

[Anonymous]

My father, mother, FIL and MIL have all always been like this. I think in their case it’s generational. They expected me to do whatever they asked, no discussion. A one-direction relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is the same. I have sort of accepted that she will never be the mother that I need. I call her much less than I used to.

+2. Except I knew this as far back as starting college. It has been a long road to accepting this and, for that reason, I really do not have a close relationship with her. I don't call much (nor does she).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is the same. I have sort of accepted that she will never be the mother that I need. I call her much less than I used to.

Same here.

I fill my own emotional support needs and when I need more than I can provide, I rely on those who want to be there for me or I pay a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I have observed that MIL & FIL is like that, MIL and FIL only talk about 2 topic with us: weather and sports. They don't ask how we are doing, even if after hearing about something we are going through, they never follow up to ask about it later. What is wrong with those people??? I can't understand it. Are those people so called "emotionally unavailable"?