How can posters ask questions about their academically advanced kids without being criticized?

[SAM2]

I've read many threads on DCUM where OP asks a question that refers to her academically advanced child, and immediately gets pounded for asking the question. Here's an example from today: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/118253.page . I think people in that situation are in a tough spot -- it seems almost impossible to ask a question about your academically gifted child without getting everyone upset. Yes, many times people on DCUM will brag obnoxiously, but I think some of them are really just trying to ask for advice. I actually thought OP on that linked thread asked in a low-key way, so I was surprised that she got attacked. So I'm looking for examples of how to do it right ....

Pretend you're the OP in the thread linked above, and you want to ask which schools/curricula will serve your child. How do you ask the question without coming across as a braggart?

People are of course free to do whatever they want with this thread, but I'm not really looking for a discussion about whether some questions are good/bad, or whether its fair or not that questions get attacked. I just would like to see some examples of what people think is the "right way" to ask a question like that. Thanks in advance. Maybe this will help the next person who has a question.

Here's my best shot: "I've got a four-year-old who seems fairly advanced academically (adding, subtracting, reading a lot), and I'm wondering whether private schools will have a challenging curriculum at younger grades to keep him from being bored. Can anyone offer some advice?"

Now let's see your best examples.

[Anonymous]

Who cares how you come across? this is an anonymous forum. You can get some very useful information, but it involves a little wading through the pigstye to find the pearls. There is no point being thin-skinned about the inevitable criticism, whatever you are posting about.

[Anonymous]

The problem that poster faced is that there are numerous boasting/bragging/deluded/wishful-thinking moms on DCUM. So how can we tell she's not just another one of these?

Maybe you need to be a bit self-deprecating. Whereas, in the post you cited, the tone to me rang with a sort of breezy arrogance.

[Anonymous]

Everyone thinks their own kid is gifted and way above average...when in fact they are just normal. That's just the way it is. So many kids in the DC area get perfect or near perfect scores on many of the tests...so it's really not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Casting your post in terms of skepticism of the institutions might be one way to go. Putting down private schools is sure to raise a lot of posts both pro and con So how about:

"I've heard mixed reports about the quality of instruction at the K level in private schools around here. DC is the kind of kid who needs to be challenged to perform at his best. In addition, he is reading chapter books and doing simple math, and I've heard various things about acceleration in publics versus privates. Any opinions?"

Although how a newbie to DCUM would know to include all these little code words is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

The problem is that there are so many (annoying) parents who stand up at parent functions and talk about how will you challenge my gifted child. In all my years of having two children at two different privates I have never seen a child who didn't have something age-appropriate to learn in kindergarten. Just functioning in a school environment is the most important task of kindergarten. And learning to problem solve and exercise creativity is much more important than reading. You can't make up for it later, but all the children will eventually be reading.

One of my children was a completely fluent reader before he came to kindergarten. The teachers figured this out on their own, I felt no need to raise it (though I suppose I could have). DS grew so much that year and got so much out of it. I would hate to have had him miss out by pulling out to do . . . whatever, that he was eventually going to do in an older grade anyway.

[Anonymous]

I think that one thing that always gets ignored is that reading is not an indicator of anything to do with intelligence. It does not matter when your kid starts to read. Signed mother of a child who didn't start reading until end of first grade and now reads a book with incredibly high comprehension in about two-three hours (hundreds of pages books) and another child who started reading before going into pre-K. It really doesn't matter at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that one thing that always gets ignored is that reading is not an indicator of anything to do with intelligence. It does not matter when your kid starts to read. Signed mother of a child who didn't start reading until end of first grade and now reads a book with incredibly high comprehension in about two-three hours (hundreds of pages books) and another child who started reading before going into pre-K. It really doesn't matter at all.

I agree with this, based on my own two DCs' very similar experiences.

[Anonymous]

SAM2, here's my shot at your question:

Don't flame me, but my preschooler is brilliant. He can do addition and subtraction, write sentences, and read chapter books. I have been mercilessly drilling him on phonics since he was potty trained (at 9 mos.), and it has really paid off. He is currently tutoring his classmates at NCRC as they prepare for their WIPSI tests this fall ($40 per hour if you pukes are interested). Of course, he has been exempted by the Big 3 from taking the test himself or attending the play date. But my question is this: Will most of the private schools still offer him a challenging curriculum in Kindergarten or at least an academic scholarship?

[SAM2]

I like this one. Criticism of private schools might distract people from criticizing your questions, so maybe you'll actually get some real answers.

Anonymous wrote:Casting your post in terms of skepticism of the institutions might be one way to go. Putting down private schools is sure to raise a lot of posts both pro and con. So how about:

"I've heard mixed reports about the quality of instruction at the K level in private schools around here. DC is the kind of kid who needs to be challenged to perform at his best. In addition, he is reading chapter books and doing simple math, and I've heard various things about acceleration in publics versus privates. Any opinions?"

I love the honesty. Maybe something really blunt and over-the-top will deter the usual snark. But I think people might just think you're joking, and not give you any real answers.

SAM2, here's my shot at your question:

Don't flame me, but my preschooler is brilliant. He can do addition and subtraction, write sentences, and read chapter books. I have been mercilessly drilling him on phonics since he was potty trained (at 9 mos.), and it has really paid off. He is currently tutoring his classmates at NCRC as they prepare for their WIPSI tests this fall ($40 per hour if you pukes are interested). Of course, he has been exempted by the Big 3 from taking the test himself or attending the play date. But my question is this: Will most of the private schools still offer him a challenging curriculum in Kindergarten or at least an academic scholarship?

Any other contestants? Or is it actually impossible to write a question that might get some real answers? (Actually, I was happy to see that OP on the other thread has started to get some real answers after the initial barrage of criticism, so maybe she did it right after all.)

[Anonymous]

How about this SAM2:

To what extent do private schools modify their K teaching to varying levels of academic advancement? My DS is reasonably bright, but my niece (who will be in my DS's class) can already add, subtract, read chapter books, and write sentences. How will the school get my kid up to speed while sufficiently challenging my niece?

[Anonymous]

To OP- I will take a legitimate shot at your question. The short answer is that publics will accelerate learning more readily. Privates may not believe it a good idea to isolate and pull out a kid in K. I might agree. Many privates ability group starting in K. Not much help if you child actually knows the entire K curriculum. Truly though, it is not that hard to challenge your child at home. I wouldn't preteach, but there are many books and math game materials available for a highly gifted child. Look up Davidson.

[SAM2]

Anonymous wrote:How about this SAM2:

To what extent do private schools modify their K teaching to varying levels of academic advancement? My DS is reasonably bright, but my niece (who will be in my DS's class) can already add, subtract, read chapter books, and write sentences. How will the school get my kid up to speed while sufficiently challenging my niece?

That's pretty good too -- people will be less likely to attack the niece since her parent is not posting, and there may even be some sympathy for you since you're saying your child is not as smart. I think if you're asking a question like this, you have to know that many people will assume you're bragging and will be looking for an excuse to trash you and your child (instead of actually answering the question). So if you're asking the question, you need to serve yourself a big slice of humble pie in the process if you want to get some meaningful responses.

[Anonymous]

"So what do private schools do with a kid who enters kindergarten already reading and able to do addition and subtraction? Do publics handle this situation differently?"

"Challenging," "advanced," "bored,"and "I"/"my" are all probably words best avoided in these kinds of posts! Used in combination, they make you sound both arrogant and ignorant.

[Anonymous]

I would prefer people be honest and say that they thinkt their child is just too smart for school and that they can just go ahead and skip towards college. If people are serious -- they can ask the schools what sort of ranges of kids go there...have them explain different sorts of kids who have done well there. Most teachers have seen all ranges before and can tell which kids will do best in a given school.