Cousins

[Anonymous]

Do your kids have many cousins? My kids only have one, who is much younger than them. They feel sad about it and like it would be so much fun to be from a big family.

[Anonymous]

They do but none close or of the same age. I have cousins that I am still close with and we hang out periodically and I wish my kids have the same. My wife has lots of cousins and they spent tons of time together when they were young but we don’t tend to see them besides on Facebook.

I still wish my kids had a better connection to their cousins. I also wish they had better connections to aunts and uncles. I am really close to a lot of my nieces and nephews but our siblings never formed that bond with our kids.

[Anonymous]

My kid has zero. I have about twenty and don’t know any of them. One lives a mile away.

[Anonymous]

My kid has 2 cousins who live a couple of oceans away. We do a video call every week. I have 18 first cousins but am not really close to any of them now though we spent plenty of time together as kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid has 2 cousins who live a couple of oceans away. We do a video call every week. I have 18 first cousins but am not really close to any of them now though we spent plenty of time together as kids.

This. I have about ten, and we spent almost every Sunday together for dinner at my grandparents. We would laugh and play! But then we grew up.

My kids have two but they are also younger and live across the country. We have “cousins”, who are our friends’ kids.

As someone without close cousins in adulthood but who had them in childhood, I can tell you they are no different than any other close kid from your childhood, and serve no purpose in adulthood. I don’t know anyone who is close with their cousins.

[Anonymous]

They’ve got 6, but the next oldest from my oldest child is 5 years older and the oldest cousin is 12 years older. Which doesn’t sound like a lot unless it’s middle school versus college/mid 20s. I’m still happy they are all close (they have a cousin group text that they probably post daily) but it’s not like they are all having sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid has zero. I have about twenty and don’t know any of them. One lives a mile away.

That sounds sad - what happened?

[Anonymous]

2 bio cousins and then my brother and SIL adopted 4 more kids from foster care and SIL’s jailbird relatives. Niece got pregnant in high school because SIL encouraged her relationship with an older guy and popped out 2 kids by 21.

We avoid them as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids and my sister has 2 kids (close in ange but older then ours) and DHs sister has 1 kid.

We are super close with my sisters 2 kids. I talk with them via my sister probably most days during the week, even if only for a few minutes. We spend 2 weeks a year with them and my kids adore their cousins.

We haven’t seen DHs sister in over 2 years and I don’t think my kids even remember they have a cousin on that side. It’s sad.

As an adult I am very close with my cousins. I see them outside of our family get together, have text chains and see them whenever we visit home as well.

[Anonymous]

My four have six cousins living within about 30 minutes. They are all ten and under and they love being together. It helps that I love my siblings. When all ten cousins are together it is such fun and complete chaos.

[Anonymous]

Just two and we rarely see them because they live far away. I have three that I sometimes saw when I was younger and don't see or talk to now. Nothing bad happened, everyone is just busy.

[Anonymous]

No - I am an only child and DH family is not close. We have extended family cousins and it's fun to see them but they are too far (geographically and in terms of blood connection) to spend holidays together or get together super often.

It's a huge bummer for me. I really would love my kids to have cousins they could be close to. I feel isolated and it was one of the reasons I had a second kid (they have each other now and maybe their kids will have cousins).

[Anonymous]

They do. Close in age. It was great when everyone was small. Now that most are teens it’s gotten hard in some ways for some of the cousins. Still lots of shared memories and good experiences, but also some relationship challenges (the three girls who used to be best friends, but one now isn’t as close and gets left out, the artsy and sporty 15 year old boys who just don’t connect anymore). I’m hopeful that by the time everyone is in their 20s all will be wonderful again.

[Anonymous]

I have a LOT of cousins, ex DH a few, my kids do not have cousins their own age.

It's just one of those things, OP, I think it's best to focus on gratitude for what they do have and acknowledge that it is a bummer that they do not have that.

I know people who have tried to "create" extended family of friends, we did too, but DC can be so transient, we don't really see or keep in touch with the families we were tight with when the kids were small. Several have moved, either w/in the DMV but a distance, or out of the area entirely. Ex having a pretty public affair and leaving didn't really help us "fit" anymore with some of those folks either.

We try to create traditions w/in our small family, tell family stories and keep in touch with interested relatives regularly.

[Anonymous]

They have a bunch who live across the country. The cousins are very spoiled, so whiny and cry a lot and cause scenes in restaurants, at plays, in stores, etc. We don't spend much time with them.